I have intense shame, which is triggered almost everyday at the moment. my partner has to deal with me 'loosing my head' which is how I term it, as it's how I feel. I have PTSD from a 5yr Domestic relationship and struggle with my Anger now and it's causing a lot of trouble for myself and my relationship.
My head can be so blurred and my Partner just does not understand how I am affected, it's like I'm in a shame cycle. I get upset and either way I approach him calm and asking for help or aggistated I get the same response.He gets annoyed I'm upset, I get angry and start feeling shameful and self hatred. My partner then gets even worse, telling me to ignore how I feel, that I need to control my anger, he states I'm crazy and I don't know myself (I know myself awareness is high but that's not the problem it's me being able to control my emotions) I get told I'm annoying and to just stop.
I know it is toxic and my main concern is the mind games I think are being played. If I am upset with him he will later on ask me to apologise, if he goes off at me And I haven't got angry and listened, again he will ask me to apologise and act as if I have made the problem. I can't do anything to do with me feeling unhappy without being asked to apologise. Also if we are having an argument he will start asking me to do things for him e.g get him drinks or cheesecake and he won't stop mentioning it, it feels like abuse and controlling behaviour to me because of what I have been through and it triggers me even more.
I needed to vent and just get some perspective from others who may understand
Thanks
My head can be so blurred and my Partner just does not understand how I am affected, it's like I'm in a shame cycle. I get upset and either way I approach him calm and asking for help or aggistated I get the same response.He gets annoyed I'm upset, I get angry and start feeling shameful and self hatred. My partner then gets even worse, telling me to ignore how I feel, that I need to control my anger, he states I'm crazy and I don't know myself (I know myself awareness is high but that's not the problem it's me being able to control my emotions) I get told I'm annoying and to just stop.
I know it is toxic and my main concern is the mind games I think are being played. If I am upset with him he will later on ask me to apologise, if he goes off at me And I haven't got angry and listened, again he will ask me to apologise and act as if I have made the problem. I can't do anything to do with me feeling unhappy without being asked to apologise. Also if we are having an argument he will start asking me to do things for him e.g get him drinks or cheesecake and he won't stop mentioning it, it feels like abuse and controlling behaviour to me because of what I have been through and it triggers me even more.
I needed to vent and just get some perspective from others who may understand
Thanks
