My Way To Fight Back

[Deleted member 19804]

I actually should be studying now, but I can't get myself to do it. I'm feeling tired and a bit depressed this evening, but that's not out of the ordinary. I did buy some new clothes online, among which is a very pretty red dress that I got for very little money (I am a broke student, after all). It's knee-length, but it has thin straps and it's more "sexy" than what I'm used to. I feel like it could boost my confidence if I wear it on my next night out (not that I go out much) or maybe on New Year's Eve. But it's also scary and I'm worried about standing out too much. What if people think I'm slutty, or that I'm trying too hard, or that I'm weird and pathetic?
I know, it sounds a bit silly. But they are real concerns going through my mind. I'll have to think about whether or not I'll keep the dress. Maybe I'll ask a few of my girlfriends what they think.

There's still no news on my foster dog. I was hoping to hear something yesterday, but it's still unclear if she's going to be put up for adoption. The only thing I do know for sure, is that she has already been reserved for me. So if her crappy owners do decide to give her up, she will definitely be mine. Just the thought of getting to adopt her makes me so excited!

Tomorrow is another therapy session that I'm really not looking forward to. We're reaching the end of EMDR, so we'll go through all the details of the two rapes again and also talk about some other traumatic incidents, which I would really prefer to just forget. If only it were that easy.

Last time, I took one of those PTSD severity tests. The higher the score, the more severe the PTSD is. I went from a 27 at the start of therapy to a 20. I had hoped that I would have scored better by now, and that I would no longer rely on antidepressants. Looks like I'll be in therapy for another while.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope that you keep the dress and do get to adopt your dog soon. You deserve to wear that dress and your friends will love it on you. Hang in there and I hope that you are able to do some self soothing, and self care while you wait on news of your dog.:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

That is so sweet, @Rain . Thank you so much for saying those things. You really brought a smile to my face! :) :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Soo, big news: I got to adopt my former foster dog! I'm so excited! They brough her over today. Right now she's chilling on the couch with me. Couldn't be happier! :D

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I got to adopt my former foster dog! I'm so excited! They brough her over today. Right now she's chilling on the couch with me. Couldn't be happier! :D

So very happy for you. this is really great news!!!:tup::tup::tup::hug::hug::hug::woot::woot::woot::woot:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you so much, @Rain ! :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are so welcome, I could not be happier for you.

 

[Anarchy]

Congratulations, to you and your doggy:):):) It's really good news that you've got her.
Hoping that therapy wasn't too overwhelming
:hug::hug::hug:@

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thanks very much, @Anarchy! :hug: :hug: :hug:

My new dog and I are already bonding very well. She follows me wherever I go and always loves it when I pet her. I've moved her dog bed next to my bed, so she's close to me even when we're sleeping. I'm learning to be more assertive, because she is smart and stubborn, so I need to make sure I'm in charge. It's a good challenge for me, since I'm often characterised as being timid.

My mom came over today, which was very nice. I did have to work on a deadline and I'm not satisfied with the end result. I'm getting increasingly worried about my ability to pass this course this time.

I also had my final session with my EMDR therapist. I'll be working on leftover symptoms and issues with a different T. Thankfully, I already know her and she's nice.

I should go to sleep. I have to get up early tomorrow.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

This past weekend turned out to be extremely tough. My new dog somehow injured her back Saturday evening. At first she seemed a little uncomfortable, but she got worse very quickly. I had to rush her to the vet at 3 am. I can't drive, so I had to carry her to the night bus and later into a taxi.
When the vet examined her, she actually screamed. It was horrible. She got emergency pain medication, but the next day her pain seemed even worse, so I had to take her back to the vet Sunday morning. I was so scared that I would have to let the vet put her down, and seeing her trembling with pain and being unable to walk was horrible. I broke down in tears while we were waiting for our ride back to the vet. (Thankfully, the organisation I foster dogs for has an ambulance for animals and they were able to take us there.)
During our second visit, she got an injection of an additional pain killer. This helped a little, but also made her confused and high as a kite, while she was still barely able to walk. That evening, all she seemed to want was to be close to me, so I petted her and sang to her so she would know I was there with her. During the weekend I set my alarm for every few hours so I could check on her.

Yesterday, we went to our regular vet to get her checked out, and they prescribed even more pain meds. So now I'm feeding her 3 different types of pain medication. 1 type is for 3 times a day, and the other two are once a day, but at different times.

Thankfully, she is doing much better now. She will have to heal and rehabilitate over the next 6-8 weeks, and she will not be allowed to go on those long walks that she loves so much. However, she seems to be in good spirits, considering, and that makes me feel so relieved.

I think that all the stress and the lack of sleep is catching up with me right now. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and stressed and mentally tired. I have a deadline tomorrow and just the thought of that stresses me out so much. I think I'm going to ask if I can quit this course for now, so I can focus on getting my mental state back on track and retry next semester. I really really hope that the university will allow that. Otherwise, I'm going to be in big trouble.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had to rush her to the vet at 3 am. I can't drive, so I had to carry her to the night bus and later into a taxi.

I think that was very brave of you to take such a risk going out into the night, alone like that to love your beloved pet. I wish there had been someone to go with you. You are very strong to do that. I hope that until your dog is healed, that you can make arrangements for someone to go with you if you need to.

Thankfully, she is doing much better now. She will have to heal and rehabilitate over the next 6-8 weeks, and she will not be allowed to go on those long walks that she loves so much. However, she seems to be in good spirits, considering, and that makes me feel so relieved.

I am so happy to hear your good news. I imagine that your relief is incredible. You are such a good pet owner and I can see how much you love your dog sacrificing so much for her. It shows me what a loving and kind person you are.

I think I'm going to ask if I can quit this course for now, so I can focus on getting my mental state back on track and retry next semester. I really really hope that the university will allow that. Otherwise, I'm going to be in big trouble.

I really hope that you will be able to do this so that you can deal with the aftermath of everything. I imagine the weight on your shoulders was way too heavy for you. I am glad that it looks as though your dog is going to be okay now because of how much you love her.

Get as much rest as you can Snowwhite.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@Rain your kind words mean so much to me, thank you. You always know exactly what to say. It's so nice to read that you think I'm a good dog owner. I do love her very very much and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she's healthy and happy. Still, it's very reassuring to hear from someone else that I'm doing the right thing and I'm being a good dog owner.

I will do my best to rest and take good care of myself. You are a great friend, thank you :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: