Other Selective mutism

[BoN-bOn]

My T told me that what is happening during sessions when I absolutely can’t speak (or when I do, it’s barely audible), is called selective mutism. She said she has seen it before in children, not so much in adults. I remember as a child feeling the same way with my parents...wanting to speak but not having any words or being too afraid.
I feel so dumb when it happens & it is so frustrating for both of us. Selective makes it sound like I CHOOSE not to speak, but that isn’t the case at all. There literally are no words in my head, but my brain feels loud & overwhelmed. Does that even make sense?? It doesn’t really happen anywhere else. I’m a professional & deal with people all the time & don’t have a problem speaking. I guess when it comes to talking about MYSELF or my trauma it’s too overwhelming?
Last session was much better. We switched up the seating & I was more relaxed & able to communicate. I felt much more present.

 

[AnD]

I think it is dissociation. I cant always speak in therapy and it is due to flashbacks and dissociating.

My son had selective mutism and it is connected to social anxiety

Or a freeze response

 

[Gamereign555]

I had selective mutism as a child. I was abused and neglected by a stepdad at a really early age.

At age 4 I underwent a treatment where I was given a plastic bat and they wanted me to attack a dummy, shaped like a man. I’m not sure how effective that was.

Even in abused children true selective mutism is rare.

Doctors and therapists thought I might have been autistic. I did start talking, however I was later abused/neglected by another stepdad.

Later on many years later in therapy my therapist noted that I was dissociating. The kind where you look at the therapist and the wall behind her is all blending together and fuzzy. The carpet be the same thing. I wasn’t wanting to speak very well and not paying attention. I was watching rather than understanding.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Interesting. From what I’ve read it seems to be linked to social anxiety more than trauma. Strange to me though, that the situations where I was most afraid to speak were not at school, in social settings, or with peers, but at HOME. I was a shy child, but always felt more comfortable anywhere but at home.

 

[Multitudes]

I've experienced this a few times in the last few years - the words I want to say are in my head, but it's as if the connection to my mouth has stopped working.
Every episode has been when I'm highly anxious, though being highly anxious doesn't necessarily mean I find myself mute.

I'd read that it is connected to Autism in children but, as most Autistics tend to have anxiety issues, I'm inclined to think it's anxiety related.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

My best friend (we've been best friends for 25 years now) was a selective mute when we were kids. I didn't hear her voice until we'd been best friends for 8 years. Hers was definitely trauma-induced. She doesn't remember anything at all prior to the selective mutism started when she was six. I once asked her mom what had happened to cause the change (she'd had completely normal speech and demonstrated no anxiety prior to the two-week midwinter break that year). Her mom said nothing happened, but was quite obviously lying. Cues abounded. I asked her brother, who is 11 months younger, if he had any ideas. He said he didn't know what happened, but that when her mom dropped them off back at their dad's after vacation, she turned around and said to my friend, "Remember, even one word out of you about this and I will beat the shit out of you." It was over a year before ANYONE heard her voice again.

I know and believe you when you say you want to talk but you are literally incapable. My friend and I learned some basic ASL together, the alphabet and maybe 50ish words. We kept notebooks where we'd write back and forth to each other. Do you think either of those might help you? I would suggest also reducing external stimuli - dim the lights, pause any music, T doesn't bombard you with questions or encouragement to speak. A strong, non-triggering scent will give your brain something to focus on that doesn't involve words. Inhale the scent deeply and slowly, then let it out as slow as you can tolerate. Repeat. As the fog starts to lift, try a simple sign or signal just to let T know you are on your way back. Go slow. A few signs or written words. Maybe draw a picture representing the emotions you feel inside (without using words). At least these are the steps my friend and I took when she was ready to add me to the (very) small group of people she actually spoke to.

 

[BoN-bOn]

That is so sad @ShodokanJenn i am so glad she had you to talk to when she was ready. Thank you for sharing that. Little things seem to help me be able to come back to being present & last time I was able to talk better. Did she ever say what had happened to her?

 

[ShodokanJenn]

That is so sad @ShodokanJenn i am so glad she had you to talk to when she was ready....

She doesn't remember. She knows as much as I do. We discuss the option of trying to find out from time to time, but she is loving her life (she had her first daughter in February) and would rather leave it buried unless something really compelling comes along to motivate her. I can totally respect that. If I could bury my trauma memories so deep that I could no longer retrieve them at all, I totally would

 

[MyWillow]

@BoN-bOn do some googling around Broca’s area...it’s part of the brain involved with speech that shuts down in response to trauma. Add Bessel van der Kolk to your search. He is da bomb.

 

[MyWillow]

I totally relate by the way. I’m a scientist in a unique role on the Exec team in a rapidly growing start up. Known for my communication skills and emotional intelligence according to my boss. But put me in a therapy session? Nada.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Me too @ShodokanJenn ! :(

 

[BoN-bOn]

Thanks @MyWillow , I have looked up some of his stuff & it makes so much sense! I’m a nurse. Love to know the science behind things too.