I am 38 and my doc just told me he thinks I'm bipolar. What I can say is I have endured trauma in many forms. At 16 I went to an adult prison for 10 years. I killed a guy that punched me in the face when I was at some strange boys aunties crack house. My life before prison is a blur of violence and gangs and sex and travel..i was psychotic, I was in a deep depression, and I was sent to an adult prison. I did my time and besides alllllll the fighting and solitary confinement, I did it well I think. Soaked up all education I could and since out have gotten a masters degree. I can' use it tho, cuz I'm a felon so not of any of it matters anyway. I finally decided to settle and be a stay at home mom and married a guy after 2 months and he already has hit me 3 times. He beat me a number of times throughout my pregnancy, other than that I was all alone in a big beautiful house. I drove myself to the hospital in middle of Montana winter on bald tires. Thank god my neighbor tried to keep my driveway plowed cuz I was usually trapped. I finally left him in September, but can' get even the simplest of jobs. My 1 years old son is developmentally disabled and ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE HIS MOM so I think about going back to dad just because. Now my new pdoc apparently thinks I'm bipolar. I get extensive testing January 10th. I told him I have a lot of trauma, but he thinks it all happened due to bipolar. I have recurring nightmares since I got out. I am always in prison still and one story or another. Needless to say it doesn't add positivity to my day. But it' been over 10 years and I'm used to them. But now since I left my husband, his scenario has been added on and these recurring dreams have all of the above. Was just given prizocin but I'm walking around dizzy I hate that and dreams are still with me. I started Lamictal and Latuda recently and am weaning off effexor rn which sucks. Anyways hello community this is me and it sure feels like I belong here.
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Undiagnosed Mom of 1yo - childhood trauma : gangs, violence, csa, 10 years in prison at 16, dv - dx'd bipolar.
- Thread starter Amirsmom
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Hi there Amirsmom. Welcome to this site.
I am sorry for what you went though to need a site like this. I am relieved that you found us. Now maybe you will not feel so all a lone in this. You are female and I am male but we do have something in common that I see right away we both were sent to adult prison when we were under age. I was a terrifying experience to say the least.
I am glad you had the courage to come and post your introduction. I hope you find the answers you need to carry on and have a good life with your son. Going back to an abusive relationship is not the answer it will only make things worse. You are in a tough spot it is all up hill from here for you.
Peace be safe
I am sorry for what you went though to need a site like this. I am relieved that you found us. Now maybe you will not feel so all a lone in this. You are female and I am male but we do have something in common that I see right away we both were sent to adult prison when we were under age. I was a terrifying experience to say the least.
I am glad you had the courage to come and post your introduction. I hope you find the answers you need to carry on and have a good life with your son. Going back to an abusive relationship is not the answer it will only make things worse. You are in a tough spot it is all up hill from here for you.
Peace be safe
ladee
VIP Member
Welcome, glad you are here, if not glad for the reasons... this is a very supportive place to be, where we understand what you are saying, and how painful and crazy things get.... It takes courgage to have gone thru what you have and come here and let us know you want to be a part of healing community...
You are being a good mom to your son.... you are trying... trying to get help , and hopefully a job.... you are not alone... glad you are here.
You are being a good mom to your son.... you are trying... trying to get help , and hopefully a job.... you are not alone... glad you are here.
Tornadic Thoughts
VIP Member
Glad you chose to become a part of the community. Lots of heartfelt wisdom and experience resides here. A welcoming space to help sort and support.
I experienced many professionals who blatantly ignored the pile of traumatic events of my life and rather wished to try to label and heavily medicate my symptoms as "simply" being severe depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia, severe this, severe that.....but never once would discuss possibilities of ptsd or any ongoing effects and possible symptoms of having experienced so many traumas, etc. That wasn't the most helpful scene for me and my biology, to say the least.
I finally found a local sexual/domestic abuse shelter that offers free counseling to anyone who qualifies (based on life experience, not income) for as long and as often as you need it. It's the only time I ever felt fully comfortable and genuinely innerstood in a talk therapy situation. Are there any of those in your area?
I luckily stumbled upon an amazing community of healers who participated in a local time bank, too, and offered different free sessions of various things that eventually lead to me being able to barter with them for healing methods that ended up helping more than I ever realized was possible. (acupuncture, massage therapy, chiro, energy healing, sound healing, etc.) Without them, not sure what shape I'd be in now.
Learning breathing techniques, primal screaming into a pillow or in the woods, hula hooping, random dancing, herbal infusions, a total lifestyle change in ALL that I consume, and having a non-abusive kind and gentle partner/husband for the last 15 years helped save my life. May you find your village, both inwardly and outwardly, to help guide and support. Please don't walk right back into the tangled web of abuse. Remember, the windshield is larger than the rear view mirror for a reason. Take kind care of you. Heart hugs headed your way.
I experienced many professionals who blatantly ignored the pile of traumatic events of my life and rather wished to try to label and heavily medicate my symptoms as "simply" being severe depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia, severe this, severe that.....but never once would discuss possibilities of ptsd or any ongoing effects and possible symptoms of having experienced so many traumas, etc. That wasn't the most helpful scene for me and my biology, to say the least.
I finally found a local sexual/domestic abuse shelter that offers free counseling to anyone who qualifies (based on life experience, not income) for as long and as often as you need it. It's the only time I ever felt fully comfortable and genuinely innerstood in a talk therapy situation. Are there any of those in your area?
I luckily stumbled upon an amazing community of healers who participated in a local time bank, too, and offered different free sessions of various things that eventually lead to me being able to barter with them for healing methods that ended up helping more than I ever realized was possible. (acupuncture, massage therapy, chiro, energy healing, sound healing, etc.) Without them, not sure what shape I'd be in now.
Learning breathing techniques, primal screaming into a pillow or in the woods, hula hooping, random dancing, herbal infusions, a total lifestyle change in ALL that I consume, and having a non-abusive kind and gentle partner/husband for the last 15 years helped save my life. May you find your village, both inwardly and outwardly, to help guide and support. Please don't walk right back into the tangled web of abuse. Remember, the windshield is larger than the rear view mirror for a reason. Take kind care of you. Heart hugs headed your way.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Welcome!
I’m afraid your doc is already thinking you’re bipolar, so he’s likely to diagnose you as bipolar, even if you’re not.
What is your Prazosin dose? When do you take it? I can only handle 1mg at bedtime. I know some dose during the daytime as well, but I think it’s mostly a nighttime thing. I’m looking into the XL version though.
I’m afraid your doc is already thinking you’re bipolar, so he’s likely to diagnose you as bipolar, even if you’re not.
What is your Prazosin dose? When do you take it? I can only handle 1mg at bedtime. I know some dose during the daytime as well, but I think it’s mostly a nighttime thing. I’m looking into the XL version though.
- Thread starter
- #6
Thanks me too. I have never wrote all that down. Unpacking i
Thank you for that and I love all the organic ideas you have for outlets. I actually have connected with the local ywca who offer the same. I wanted to go there since they have specific experience with victims of dv. I feel like I should have a seperate therapist for the dv and the bp.
- Thread starter
- #7
Thank you so much
He prescribed me 1mg right before bed.
I agree with you I have doubts about being bipolar...and even if I am I have worse problems lol. I am going to see a specialist that do extensive testing to determine bp so well see. Antidepressants have never really done anything for me.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
If you were truly bipolar, antidepressants alone without a mood stabilizer would have most likely sent you manic.
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