I've been in and out of counseling over the years. In when things are having too much of an impact on my life, out when things are more manageable or feel resolved. Now I'm choosing to go back into counseling and this makes me mad. I say I'm "choosing," and I am, but only because I realize that I can either be proactive or disaster-reactive. This makes me feel like I'm not really choosing because in the end, it doesn't really feel like a choice. It feels like a must. I feel "forced" to go to counseling because I want to avoid the consequences of trying to ride it out.
Counselling feels like sick, like you're broken and somebody's in charge of listening to you be broken until you get to the point where you are less broken and you get out of there before they find a way to break you even more. So, wow. Can't say THAT in counseling.
Here's my ideal counselling: Counselor says, so, you want to function differently, eh? What does your ideal functioning look like? What's getting in the way? Hmm, lessee...let's make a healing plan. Not a "this will take a long time" plan. And support groups. I want a support group where we talk about how we are getting better. Success stories, and what's working. Sure, not every day is sunshine and roses, I get that. But focus! Why can't we focus on figuring out what "normal" is for people who aren't having the c-ptsd or ptsd responses. I'm willing to fake it. Just tell me the "normal" way to talk about what happened. If normal means processing it and experiencing the grief or whatever, tell me what that is. Tell me how to access that old stuff and let it roll on out like "normal" people do. How do :normal" people resolve that trauma in the present moment? Cuz I'll do that. I'll go back and live every last second of it if I have the secret to dealing with it then and there.
The more I read about c-ptsd, the more I realize that I have always been "normal" -- as long as the reference for normal is people with ptsd. So that's nice, in its own way. But what I want, what I've always wanted, is to be normal like normal people are. Ok, done whining.
Now what I want to know is, is there such a thing as counseling for getting over this stuff instead of just parking this stuff in a nicer parking lot?
Counselling feels like sick, like you're broken and somebody's in charge of listening to you be broken until you get to the point where you are less broken and you get out of there before they find a way to break you even more. So, wow. Can't say THAT in counseling.
Here's my ideal counselling: Counselor says, so, you want to function differently, eh? What does your ideal functioning look like? What's getting in the way? Hmm, lessee...let's make a healing plan. Not a "this will take a long time" plan. And support groups. I want a support group where we talk about how we are getting better. Success stories, and what's working. Sure, not every day is sunshine and roses, I get that. But focus! Why can't we focus on figuring out what "normal" is for people who aren't having the c-ptsd or ptsd responses. I'm willing to fake it. Just tell me the "normal" way to talk about what happened. If normal means processing it and experiencing the grief or whatever, tell me what that is. Tell me how to access that old stuff and let it roll on out like "normal" people do. How do :normal" people resolve that trauma in the present moment? Cuz I'll do that. I'll go back and live every last second of it if I have the secret to dealing with it then and there.
The more I read about c-ptsd, the more I realize that I have always been "normal" -- as long as the reference for normal is people with ptsd. So that's nice, in its own way. But what I want, what I've always wanted, is to be normal like normal people are. Ok, done whining.
Now what I want to know is, is there such a thing as counseling for getting over this stuff instead of just parking this stuff in a nicer parking lot?
