I’d like to give a shout-out to ptsd for f*cking up the following things!

[Gamereign555]

• Sleep
• Work in service positions
• Most jobs in general
• First impressions of me
• Driving and walking in some occasions
• Change
• Confrontation
• Memory
• Self impression
• Stores
• Gatherings and crowds
• School
• Relaxation

• Bosses-both having one and being one
• Friendships/Relationships, I love people and they still love me and I still see relationships as necessary but I can’t ignore the strain of how complicated dynamics feel in ways that were not present before.
• Thinking process - I can easily tell I am smarter now than I used to be, probably through experience and aging. For that I am thankful because thinking and learning appears to be stressful to me in ways not present before
• Perceiving- myself and world around me
• Focus
• Balance dynamics
• Interests/Hobbies- I lack similar interest that I used to have, the interest is there the willingness is not always anymore- My ability to form new interests is also compromised
• Reacting effectively/constructively

 

[jade53]

It took me so long to learn the truth behind misdiagnosis's and at least prove to myself that it wasn't me
who was crazy, believe it when I say I don't really have any of the above problems anymore. I like to look at my PTSD as just unfortunate that so far it took the second half of my life to be able to make any sense out of it and supposedly is now too much older than me to pursue.
Mind you, being somewhere that if I was any further away I'd be closer has helped, avoid more serious consequences.

 

[Gamereign555]

It took me so long to learn the truth behind misdiagnosis's and at least prove to myself that it wasn't...

I understand. And that everything that I listed isnt a problem. It is just something I stated because I noticed some of these things were changed as a result, not for the better but that doesn’t mean that it is a problem. I manage these things pretty well actually.
And actually it’s pretty safe to say that most of us probably have had to form a good handle on our own issues as well because we had to .

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I understand. And that everything that I listed isnt a problem. It is just something I stated becau...

I agree. Mostly all manageable. Like I used to like shopping. Sometimes I still do, in a non-crowded store. My husband has been asked to go to the grocery store more times than I can count this year when that used to be something I enjoyed. TV... I used to love and save shows so that I could watch them on the weekend. Now, I rarely turn the TV on, but occasionally I do.

I just can’t believe how much I changed in a short amount of time.

A positive is Music. I have such interesting collections. I choose songs based on emotions that they portray. I have so much variety and I find it all comforting!

 

[Ineedtoheal]

Where to start:
Doors - are an issue, the reminder of him coming thru the door after work & experiencing full blown manic rages. Being trapped in rooms, blocking access so I couldn’t leave.
Trust - is an issue. I either get good feelings or very bad feelings with people, if bad - it sends me into a state of panic, confusion, anxiety
Sharing space with people - I don’t like people standing or getting too close - it took over 2 years when first getting away to allow a few people to hug me, but overtime I understood that to begin to heal - we need human touch. A significant friend taught me & helped me work through that.
Certain lighting - I had what I thought was a friend, who has been another person harassing/stalking me who Read what I had written about lights, the next time I went to her house in broad daylight, she brought out a spotlight & shone it in my eyes - I wanted to kill her, & had to again muster the restraint to hide the anxiety & triggers it caused. It confirmed she too was another one of the group who were having sick fun at my expense - talking out for victims causes enormous retraumatisation from the cruelty & ignorance of people.
Does anyone else have ‘drafts saved’ of what they write, in the last 2 post responses, it shows that as I am writing it is saving a ‘draft’ of what I am writing - this scares me too, always fear that someone is going to hurt me - so the push/pull & self sabotage kicks in
Certain words, phrases, places, sounds cause triggers/flashbacks,but a good psychologist - finally (I’ve had a couple) has provided working tools - & self education/writing enables you to move into acceptance .... eventually!
You don’t stop remembering/seeing, having nightmares, body shakes, anxiety attacks, bouts of depression & so on - but you do learn to manage & put aside the feeling
In the past I wrote about it as ‘file cabinets in the Mind - life & the hamster wheel of hell - that is many & varied forms of abuse over a long period of time, the folder opens, you scan the contents & then file it back away.

 

[Gamereign555]

I agree. Mostly all manageable. Like I used to like shopping. Sometimes I still do, in a non-crowded...

Wow you are so right about music! Over several years my interest in different types of music has expanded largely. Also I have discovered symphony which I really enjoy going to. I guess I feel it does soothe my emotions or helps me relax.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

That I can't (once again) go out at night.

That I generally struggle to be around people AND have lost one of two genuine friends to murder.

There's more, but it would sound repetitive at this point.

 

[Freida]

faith - in myself, in god, in others
trust - of anyone
stability
dark rooms/light rooms
locked doors
closed doors
sanity
memory
ability to think
my job
friends
belief - in anything I can't control
medical professionals
pastors/priests/chaplains

wow -- writing it out really sucks

 

[Deleted member 37474]

faith - in myself, in god, in others
trust - of anyone
stability
dark rooms/light rooms
locked doors
cl...

Yeah.. when I started the post, I was hoping for a more humorous vent of frustration, And what I wish was “laughable,” like every person cutting through a quiet isle at Walmart while I am trying to ground, turns out to be a really sad thread about the suckiness that ptsd has become for so many of us. I am so sorry that all of our lists are so damn horrible. If I ever find the answer on how to turn off this f*cked up neurological nightmare, I will be the first to start a new thread. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Yeah.. when I started the post, I was hoping for a more humorous vent of frustration, And what I wish wa...

I think it’s difficult if not impossible for most of us to laugh at what we’ve been robbed of. Well, I don’t think I could ever laugh at the destruction this disorder has done to my relationships given that being alone is what has driven every one of my suicide attempts. The prospect of being alone for the rest of my life is a fate worse than hell.

 

[Freida]

If I ever find the answer on how to turn off this f*cked up neurological nightmare, I will be the first to start a new thread. :hug:

we can start that now! ----- my nightmare is over and now I'm going to.....

Adopt a ton of dogs because my service dog no longer has to be an only child
Travel to India and not let all the people bumping into me make me scream
Star on Jeopardy because now my memory is perfect
Go to every haunted house and I can find and laugh when the guy with the chainsaw jumps out at me
Believe the guy who says I am going to win Publishers Clearing House and start spending money
Play one of those escape games where they lock you in a room and win a prize for solving the puzzle
Start a new job where my brilliance makes me the star of the show
accept that I cant stop global warming!

Yep -- I like this version way better!

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think it’s difficult if not impossible for most of us to laugh at what we’ve been robbed of...

Yeah, I know... Keep in mind, I was thinking of more of a dark satire. Yes. My life is becoming a dark satire, in some ways. And things like shopping trips. I will be in the pet isle and the tall men come too close every single time. How can I not laugh at that, it is like I want to shout, “you’ve got to be f*cking kidding me, not again!” It is like when my car was “invisible” and almost hit by other drivers in the preschool pick up lot. Weird shit that just falls upon us as we stand there. Like a dark comedy.

But definitely not talking about how we got here or the depression and horrible outcomes. I do not consider that laughable, ever.