ED What do you say to yourself in order to eat?

[Rose White]

I understand *what* I should or could be eating. Like only things that are comforting or desired or soothing. I know what is healthy. But I need words to tell myself to eat.

I feel like I need to reparent myself but I’m lacking the words, the modeling. What would a kind grandma say to her granddaughter who is not eating? How would she gently coax her to eat?

 

[Teamwork]

I struggle with this all the time. My self talk goes something like this, you hungry? Ya. Well then you should eat. I will. Time passes. You need to go eat. Yep, I’m working on it. Don’t know what I want, where to start. Eating worked well when I had a jug of juice pre-made in the fridge and I could just add a banana to it in the bullet and drink it. My two minute meal drink worked. Lately I’ve been struggling again with the whole conversation of you need to eat, yes I know, then not doing anything towards actually doing it.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I batch cooked tons of food this weekend so I’d have plenty of good food around. Worked from home today and kept saying to myself “cannottakethis, you have to eat”....and then walked out of the kitchen. Then walked back in and forced myself to eat something small. 3 hours later told myself to eat, made myself eat again.

 

[Rose White]

@Teamwork and @Cannottakethis thank you so much for responding. I am realizing that I have to find the voice in me. Or maybe it’s in movies or books? I have to be that person.

That said, it is incredibly comforting just to picture you going through the same struggle. Hearing how you reach out to yourself.

I’ve been having a very bad habit of not eating until night time. I know I’m hungry but I guess I like punishing myself? I keep thinking, later, I’ll do it later, and then the sun goes down and I finally get something in me. I have been having better self-worth and self-care too, so I don’t know why it feels good to be hungry. I mean, it doesn’t feel good. I mean, I don’t know if I’m punishing myself? Trying to understand it.

 

[EveHarrington]

My diet has been shit for two months. I started supplementing about a month ago so that I get the nutrients I need. I have a bunch of liquid supplements that I put into a smoothie. It takes a lot of pressure off of needing to eat healthy in order to feel better. I mean, considering I’m nauseous 99% of the time.

 

[Sideways]

I’ve been out of touch with my body long enough that I don’t notice hunger or thirst until something goes seriously wrong. Like when I became so malnutritioned I couldn’t walk.

I spent a long (looong) time in hospital because of my mental health, and they feed you by the clock there. I get up, go for a walk, then I make a point of eating some cereal. It’s npt gonna feel good, or bad, but it’s time for breakfast, so that’s what I do.

Lunch and dinner time is pretty much the same. I make a point of throwing some vegetables and protein in, pretty much whatever form is easiest. Eating is something I do because it’s an essential part of my recovery.

And that’s exactly what my self talk is when it comes round to eating time, 3 times a day. It’s what one of my previous Ts used to tell me: Ragdoll, you can’t have a healthy mind without a healthy body.

It’s a judgment free, simple statement of fact. I’m committed to my recovery, but i have a hard time with self-care because of the schemas involved. So I keep it really simple. What have I put into my body today that is going to help my recovery? Have I treated my body like it’s something that needs to recover and heal as well? Because, like the T said, if I want a healthy mind, I need a healthy body.

Oddly, I think that over the period of time I’ve been telling myself that each day? I think it has helped repair the fairly disastrous relationship that I used to have with my body. I now kind of appreciate that my body is an integral part of my recovery, it’s part of the Ragdoll team, and it needs healing like the rest of me.

 

[Rose White]

:grumpy: My stomach has a horrible pain—it’s my intestines having food in them again after being empty. I binged on chips and salsa and cheese last night. Every inch that the food goes through hurts. The pain this morning made me eat so that I could keep my intestines running but that food was a bagel and milk which sent my gut pain into spasms. I’m downing apple cider vinegar with water to help digest the food and it seems to be calming the pain a bit.

Which makes me think, if I can’t say loving, gentle, kind things to myself in order to eat, my body will send me painful messages to make sure I remember how bad it is to treat it that way. :banghead:

I now kind of appreciate that my body is an integral part of my recovery, it’s part of the Ragdoll team, and it needs healing like the rest of me.

Thank you for that kind response. I like how you said your body is part of the team. I can internalize that. I already am.

This pain is so scary because I recognize it from all the other times I didn’t eat. And one time, when it happened, it didn’t go away and I had to go to the ER and they took my appendix out!

I’m bargaining with my body now. If we get through this pain without going into a crisis, without going to the hospital, I swear, I promise, I’ll take care of you. :oops: Breathing helps.

 

[Rose White]

If we get through this pain... I swear, I promise, I’ll take care of you. :oops: Breathing helps.

I am amazed at my self. I took my body outside and laid facedown on the brick patio in the sun, face on a pillow, and allowed my pain to be swallowed by the earth and soothed by the sun. I laid there until I felt calm. I felt like I sunk down. Then I sat in a lounge chair, facing the sun, and allowed the rays to penetrate my front. I felt so calm and safe and protected.

I think the apple cider vinegar helped too.

Now, to stay good on my promise to myself! I think it’s by staying integrated and present and welcoming my body into the recovery process. If I start setting time limits I might fail, but setting intentions is more nurturing.

 

[Sideways]

welcoming my body into the recovery process

Love that phrase!

There will be times when your resolve gets swamped by other symptoms. Know that in advance, and be ready to forgive yourself for being human.

The rest of the time? Baby steps. Just going out and lying in the sun was an incredibly ‘loving kindness’ thing you did for yourself. Remember that you can do that again, when things are going to crap, simplify it all and just go back to lying in the sun.

Every healthy thing that you eat, in a healthy quantity, at a healthy time of day? Is a success. It’s something you weren’t pulling off so great before now. So remember to give yourself a little cheer, even if it’s just getting through an apple. It counts as a win:)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I go through cycles until a little while ago. I struggle at times and have to force myself to eat. I learned that my anxiety is reduced when I eat three times a day so I have been doing this. It does work and I learned that a cup of ginger tea with a little honey really calms my upset stomachs.

Trying to develop healthier eating habits lately. I feel hunger and that is my cue to fix me something to eat that I like. Flavor fillled food really has made a difference for me.

 

[illusionist]

Only recently I've learned to eat something as soon as I feel hungry....new feelings for me. If I ignore this feeling I stop listening to my body and no longer hear the warning signs......leading to maybe a couple of days of not feeling it....and only realizing its been a long time since I've eaten.

 

[Abstract]

I think you are already taking important steps. :) Including realising you eventually need to be a kind parent to yourself.

I am very grateful this now seems to be something I don't deal with anymore but it took me 28 years and a lot of that time working really hard on it to get there. I thought I never would. I too never had any connection between me and hunger or thirst and to be honest I still am a bit lacking in that area. Intuitive eating backfired as I couldn't tell when my body was hungry.

Initially I had to view it like medicine. It wasn't a choice. It was just something I had to do and I would set a timer to remind myself and have written out what I needed to have so that the ed part of my brain didn't have an out. . Also that I would actually remember. Pre preparing it can help a lot too. I think the evening only eating you describe is incredibly common.

Eating isn't something you need to deserve. It is your human right and there is no if but or maybe about it. Its really OK and good to be kind to yourself and to your body. If you can't feel it yet you can just do what you need to regardless and the rest starts coming eventually. What happens if you think of what you would say or do if you had a daughter?