When ptsd goes away...for a day

[Deleted member 37474]

So, I am noticing that when I am playing for a show (something I really enjoy doing) or going off to work related conferences and sometimes on vacations, my ptsd goes away. I feel normal. Really normal, like there was never a trauma to begin with. All of it seems so distant. Last week I was a MESS. I had to email my therapist 4 times. Even emailed her that I was frozen with fear and having trouble driving home. (And texted a support friend)

What is this “normal?” When it happens. Will it ever stay? I felt so normal last night I was thinking, “wow, I may not even need my therapist, all is back to the way it was for many, many years.”

Unfortunately, I was already triggered by reading something today, which gave me a little reminder that the ptsd is still in there. :shifty:

 

[Muted]

I experience that feeling of near normalacy also when I’m on vacation or away from here @TexCat. Sometimes I wonder if moving away would help.

 

[Stephernovas]

I get similar feelings/episodes. I've chalked it up to distraction. Since when we travel or do something that is super unrelated to our trauma we don't have to have it in the forefront of our minds. I remember telling my therapist I couldn't be experiencing PTSD or episodic depression, because that particular day I felt okay. She was quick to educate me that just because someone has a diagnosis (i.e. depression), not every single day is going to have them looking like the stereotypical version of depression. We are allowed to be happy and have those joyous moments too. Our state of remission is learning how to keep ourselves in that.

 

[Supervixn]

That's a blessing to have temporary relief! I wonder if you can keep track of the feelings, thoughts as well as places and situations you're in that put you in that "pre-ptsd" space. Must have been very nice to experience some relief!

A few months ago I experienced this for a few nice moments. I was walking outside to my car or something and I breathed in the air and it brought me back to a nice hopeful place for a few moments. How i used to feel when I'd be outside with nature and there was nothing but peace in being present with the experience of nature, without any thought of the past or future... it felt light, it felt nice, it felt hopeful. It gives me hope that one day i may return to that moment for longer periods of time. It was beautiful!

I think you should look deeper into what created that break for you... every detail. Without forcing yourself or worrying. Then maybe you can tap into it once you've mastered recreating what brought you there? Maybe keep a small journal and try to narrow things down?

 

[Freida]

Yep - the busier I am the more normal I feel. It's what keeps me going thru the bad days - the thought that maybe someday that can be my default setting instead of a once in a while settng

 

[Teasel]

I also find that when I'm in that good headspace I can have difficulty remembering that the other less good headspace exists for me. And regularly! And vice versa too.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I also find that when I'm in that good headspace I can have difficulty remembering that the other les...

Yes! It is as if the ptsd or trauma was never there. I kind of erased my need for my therapist in the same thought. I know that is not the case for me right now, but it did make me think that after everything is processed maybe the transition away from her won’t feel like abandonment or devastating. I currently can’t imagine functioning without her as a safety net. And you are right about when in a bad week it feels like all you are is a mental condition. That was me last week.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@TexCat Personally, I think as we process more of our trauma(s) that the good times are more and the bad times lessen. Does PTSD ever go away??? f*ck NO!!!! But it does get better with time, That’s why it’s so important to tear the shit out of your trauma piece by piece and decipher every part of it.

I’m glad you had some good time!!!! Kick ass!!!

 

[EveHarrington]

It means you’re healing.

One good day turns into two, then three, on to a week, a month, and more.

It’s a roller coaster. Healing is never linear. We aren’t always getting better as in the next moment will always be better than the previous moment. The mountainous terrain turns into rolling hills and then smooth valleys.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was not symptomatic a before my husband got very sick with dementia. But I did have many good days and as he got sicker and sicker and my caregiving duties were daily increasing so did my stress levels and then entered my currant anxiety disorder. But lately I have been having a few good days here and there but again lately my stress levels are back up again so they are rarer again. I am trying to shoot now for some stability and try to maintain that but yes, when i am experiencing a really good day all of my PTSD symptoms disappear for that day. I want to get to the place in my life again when I am more and more less symptomatic. I am back in therapy and it is helping me.

 

[Freemartin]

I experience that feeling of near normalacy also when I’m on vacation or away from here @TexCat. Sometimes I wonder if moving away would help.

I'm exactly like that. I've had a couple of two-week periods when I practically had no symptoms. It's so weird: before those trips I was symptomatic as hell, then something happens and suddenly I'm normal.

Returning home is another story... The symptoms come back with full force. I'll just say: it ain't pretty.

 

[MyWillow]

Glad you had a good day @TexCat :hug: