Research Informal poll: domestic violence survivors with strained father/daughter relationship from childhood

[lostforgottensoul]

The OP's questions are specific enough to where a survey makes sense, rather than a forum poll.

Oh, I know. I didn't mean to question it. Though I suppose a survery is quite different then a poll.

didn't know about a "poll area." Thanks for bringing it up. Looks like there is some discussion here, but maybe there would be more in the poll area?

I was gonna link you to it but it's a catigory on the main forum that says polls. Maybe just a look will help? Maybe not. Was just a suggestion really. Not questioning methods of obtain information.

 

[Friday]

So, somewhere at some point in one's childhood or teenage years

Just to make a bit of a correction here... my trauma was entirely adult. I had a really golden childhood.

My brother, meanwhile, just fell in love with the wrong girl. Also as an adult. He thought he could save her, and in the end he was the one who needed saving. My other sibs? No history of DV in any of their relationships.

I’ve been around DV circles for a long time, now. It’s almost always a really small percentage of us who had no history of DV or craptastic families... but we’re also almost always there.

The biggest trends amongst our group (anecdotally)

- We’re usually the “frog boiling in water” crowd. The ones for whom the first few years of a relationship are often textbook awesome (this one’s a keeper!)... and only after the relationship is really solid, does it begin to start shifting and altering. A nudge here, a piece there, with no single event outside the range of normal interaction... it’s only when the entire picture is looked at that the pattern becomes obvious. And by he time the line is finally crossed into full blown DV? It’s been months & years of shifting boundaries leading up to it.

- (Unlike people who grow up with it) Not thinking that DV & abuse is normal, but -for whatever reason, and there are a lot of them- continuing to treat an abusive person as if they’re not. Like trying to “explain” why XYZ is inappropriate, to just use one of hundreds of examples.

 

[Kimberly D.]

Oh, I know. I didn't mean to question it. Though I suppose a survery is quite different the...

Thank you!

 

[joeylittle]

I actually didn't know about a "poll area." Thanks for bringing it up. Looks like there is some discussion here, but maybe there would be more in the poll area?

You may only interact with your study in this location (do not post elsewhere on this website)

Please don't cross-post this on another sub-forum, thanks.

 

[anonymous]

With your help in completing this informal poll/survey, it will allow me to understand whether or not a daughter's relationship with her father has led to a future relationship with an abusive man (verbally and/or physically) is prevalent.

One thing to keep in mind, the sample for this poll is a population that is heavily skewed with people people who have PTSD from absuive relationships and there isn’t a control group. I’d be really careful about drawing big personal and causal conclusions from the poll.

For example, in the general population it could be that 5 percent of people have absent and/or absuive fathers. But the vast majority don’t even get into further traumatic relationships or develop any trauma symptoms from it.

That being said, there is a well known phenomenon called “compulsive trauma rennactments” where a *subset* of abuse survivors tend to end up in further traumatic situations or abusive relationships. There is a working theory that this happens because the victim is trying to subconsciously master or resolve the original trauma. It doesn’t make the trauma the fault of the victim or the victim’s mother.

On another note, just like a good father isn’t 100 insurance against ending up in DV as an adult, a bad father = DV victim as an adult.

I had a crap father. Massively abusive.

I have been in quite a few romantic relationships as an adult. I have endured severe sustained trauma and violence as an adult, but I have not endured any domestic violence as an adult.

 

[Kimberly D.]

Please don't cross-post this on another sub-forum, thanks.

I wasn't going to. I've learned that it's against rules.
Thanks

 

[Kimberly D.]

One thing to keep in mind, the sample for this poll is a population that is heavily skewed with peopl...

Hi,
Thank you for your post and information.
I'd like to clarify for you and another person who responded in the thread...that I am only looking for women who have been in abusive relationships who had a strained relationship with their father, not physically abused. There are as another member/moderator mentioned plenty of studies about abuse in the child's home and then later in life, attracting an abusive man. I am not looking for that for my poll/survey. Strictly looking for just those who have experienced "strained" relationships with their dad and later an abusive boyfriend/husband. There isn't any research I can find on this. I welcome anyone who can find a study that correlates abused women with a poor father/daughter relationship.
However, there are studies about the harm of a poor father/daughter relationship in future relationships.

And you are right, my mom was abused by her parents growing up, but did not attract an abusive man as an adult.
Thank you!

 

[Justmehere]

A relationship with their father in which he was emotionally and/or physically unavailable, absent from their life, no relationship at all, or who have witnessed their mom being abused by their father.

You are grouping non-absuive relationships with abusive ones one together.

A child witnessing abuse to their mother is actually considered to be Criterion A trauma. Plenty of studies hve show it’s as potentially psychologically damaging as being physically abused.

that I am only looking for women who have been in abusive relationships who had a strained relationship with their father, not physically abused.

Even if the child is not directly abused, many studies have come out about the impact of watching someone else be abused.

Children are not equally affected by seeing domestic violence, but it's a "particularly toxic form of trauma" for them; witnessing it may psychologically traumatize a child as much as being the direct victim, she said. https://www.deseretnews.com/article...pact-on-youths-even-if-they-arent-abused.html

 

[Kimberly D.]

You are grouping non-absuive relationships with abusive ones one together.

A child witnessing abus...

Thanks. But if you take a look at my survey, there is a question "Did you witness your mom being abused by your father" precisely because it can and does affect children then and later in life.

 

[littleoc]

You are grouping non-absuive relationships with abusive ones one together.

A child witnessing abus...

Thank you, that's a helpful/interesting article.

 

[Kimberly D.]

You are grouping non-absuive relationships with abusive ones one together.

A child witnessing abus...

A quote I found months ago, from an actress who witnessed her mother being abused by her father:
"I think I've spent my adult life dealing with the sense of low self-esteem that sort of implanted in me. Somehow, I felt not worthy. Before I'm 'Halle Berry,' I'm little Halle ... a little girl growing in this environment that damaged me ... I've spent my adult life trying to really heal from that."

 

[Kimberly D.]

Hello, my name is Kimberly and I'm a survivor of domestic violence and stalking (and PTSD).
I am lo...

I just want to thank those who have take a few minutes to take the survey...it's extremely helpful!! I hope to have even more survivors take it.