Muttly
Diamond Member
No advice but really sorry you are dealing with that. I would be super pissed if that happen. I'm glad your husband is being supportive.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Dom Violence Daughter's school just gave ex all my information...
- Post starter Beemo3780
- Start date
- Status
Friday
Sponsor
They violated a protection order.
Lawyer.
AND -depending on the state- They MAY very well be held liable for not only your relocation cost (an avg of 10k in most states) but up to a 7 figure settlement, plus at least 1 if not 2-3 people fired, and possible criminal charges (if your ex were to hurt you or your daughter via information the school gave him, they’re complicit).
^^^
I said lawyer, above, because every state is different. However, the above is also the “best case” sort of heads rolling and wallets opening sort of scenario. Which is entirely possible considering that you have a smoking gun in the form of the double addressed envelope.
Where I live? We had 11 orders on my ex (5 for me, 5 for my son, 1 for the dog), 10 of which got presented to the schools... every single school violated the orders multiple times a year... and, nope. There is no way to hold them accountable. Why? Because they have students working in the office & parent volunteers, & PTA members all with the same access to the student database that teachers have. It is INSANELY easy to get protected information from a school campus, and there’s no way to reasonably expect privacy. So, in my state, it’s not up to the schools to follow court orders, but up to the families to go through a secondary program where schools are NEVER given your contact info. No phones*, emails*, or addresses. Instead, all contact with families is rerouted through an office in the state capital, and forwarded to your actual email/phone/address... within about 2-3 weeks... depending on their current volume of students. Which, yes, sucks in the event of an emergency. And is also insanely isolating (because teachers get upset at not hearing from you the same day they call/email). It’s a major pain in the ass on every front. Except it does actually guarantee that court orders aren’t meaningless snot rags.
* Both phones & email have location data embedded in them
- Post starter
- #15
Well, so far, school has still been avoiding us. The teacher that sent the letter home hasn't really said anything to my daughter in class either. My ex, however, started texting my daughter yesterday asking about the letter, trying to make a big deal about it. It was driver's ed. And the thing is where we live, she was already able to get her permit at 15. We've been teaching her to drive, but it's required by the school to take the class. Which is fine, because I remember when I was her age, I had to pay like $300 for driver's ed, and went after school, so it's cool it's part of school.
My daughter is not part of the order of protection exactly. He's not allowed to pick her up from school ever, he has a very set schedule for visitation, which like I mentioned is basically we fly her up to him, he gets her from the airport and then sends her back. It's 2 weeks spread out for the entire year, and will continue until she's 18, which is in another year. But she's graduating early from high school and going to college at 17, so we're not sure how that is going to work yet. It's going to involve court, but right now me being pregnant, I can't handle court. I had a difficult time getting pregnant, I don't want to have a miscarriage, because court is the worst experience.
My ex is allowed to call my daughter whenever he wants, and they are supposed to have a weekly time to skype. He never calls, and he has not skyped her once in 7 years, but his mother will Facetime my daughter occasionally. His skype excuse to her was that he couldn't get his computer to work. My daughter said he's got a very expensive Apple computer plus an iPad one of his girlfriends bought for him, so he has had options. He knows which school she goes to, and gets independent access to her school (like grades and stuff) and doctors, medical records. We have had to send him certified letters updating him of these. The last time we were in court though, he claimed he didn't know what school or grade my daughter was in.
My ex did not mention to my daughter the address on the letter. The only thing he told her was basically he didn't know how she could fail driver's ed. He claimed he was disappointed and if he got a letter, it must be more serious than just driver's ed. I don't know what he's going to do. He can't come after me for custody, he's tried that a lot, and he's never been able to get anything more than what he has. He started with supervised visits for a while and then finished drug rehab and was able to get his unsupervised visits. We used to have to fly my daughter up to his mother, and it's been maybe 3 years now where he's been able to have visits by himself. Those short time periods that she's with him, I'm sitting at home wondering if I'm going to see her again. Waiting at the airport for her flight to arrive is so stressful.
But yea, the school f-ed up big time, and they are obviously avoiding us so they can get their ducks in a row. My husband has been talking to people at his firm, and if the school makes no contact, we will be showing up there Monday morning.
My daughter is not part of the order of protection exactly. He's not allowed to pick her up from school ever, he has a very set schedule for visitation, which like I mentioned is basically we fly her up to him, he gets her from the airport and then sends her back. It's 2 weeks spread out for the entire year, and will continue until she's 18, which is in another year. But she's graduating early from high school and going to college at 17, so we're not sure how that is going to work yet. It's going to involve court, but right now me being pregnant, I can't handle court. I had a difficult time getting pregnant, I don't want to have a miscarriage, because court is the worst experience.
My ex is allowed to call my daughter whenever he wants, and they are supposed to have a weekly time to skype. He never calls, and he has not skyped her once in 7 years, but his mother will Facetime my daughter occasionally. His skype excuse to her was that he couldn't get his computer to work. My daughter said he's got a very expensive Apple computer plus an iPad one of his girlfriends bought for him, so he has had options. He knows which school she goes to, and gets independent access to her school (like grades and stuff) and doctors, medical records. We have had to send him certified letters updating him of these. The last time we were in court though, he claimed he didn't know what school or grade my daughter was in.
My ex did not mention to my daughter the address on the letter. The only thing he told her was basically he didn't know how she could fail driver's ed. He claimed he was disappointed and if he got a letter, it must be more serious than just driver's ed. I don't know what he's going to do. He can't come after me for custody, he's tried that a lot, and he's never been able to get anything more than what he has. He started with supervised visits for a while and then finished drug rehab and was able to get his unsupervised visits. We used to have to fly my daughter up to his mother, and it's been maybe 3 years now where he's been able to have visits by himself. Those short time periods that she's with him, I'm sitting at home wondering if I'm going to see her again. Waiting at the airport for her flight to arrive is so stressful.
But yea, the school f-ed up big time, and they are obviously avoiding us so they can get their ducks in a row. My husband has been talking to people at his firm, and if the school makes no contact, we will be showing up there Monday morning.
scout86
VIP Member
I kind of like the idea of taking them the pictures. Maybe it will cross their minds that, if he knows where you live, he might also pay a visit to the school & he's not a visitor they want, no matter how nice a picture he can present when he wants to. I hope he didn't notice the address!
D
Deleted member 541
Maybe showing them the pictures would allow them to see just how dangerous he really is... I bet they would see your side really quick and implement security to be put in place.....
Gs172003
Diamond Member
That's freaking rediculous. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. Good lord
Chitoshi
Gold Member
Ok, so. There ARE ways for the school to share with teachers and other staff that you do NOT share information with anyone other than the guardians, etc.
I'd agree with everyone else. They screwed up. They're in the wrong.
I am so sorry you're going through this. :(
I'd agree with everyone else. They screwed up. They're in the wrong.
I am so sorry you're going through this. :(
- Post starter
- #20
Just an update -
The school is refusing to acknowledge any wrong doing at all. Their claim has shifted to the letter that my ex received never had my information on it, other than the letter was addressed to both Ms. Me and Mr. Him. His address was on the letter I received, so I don't really buy that, but we have no proof unless we actually have the letter he was sent. The school has flat out ignored all further contact dealing with this entire thing, to the point where the main office would not even check my daughter's information card when I called. And of course, with the school shooting happening, their focus has been that, which that's another story for another time.
What I am now dealing with has been making my skin crawl. My ex is not allowed contact with me. All contact has always had to be through email and to a third party. It was setup like that so he wouldn't be able to say terrible things to me. It's been my husband now for several years, the third party. Which now my husband has been getting emails that are addressed to both him and me from my ex. He's just throwing my name on there, but that could be an attempt to contact me in itself. My ex never emails my husband, it's basically just for travel arrangements. There has never been any other discussions over anything. My ex is not an involved father by any means. He had no clue how old my daughter was just a year ago.
But now he's come up with this insane idea that he wants to give my daughter a car, drive it down to us over the summer and park it in our driveway. That is actually what he said in his email to my husband from yesterday. He is not allowed within 500 ft of our property first. Second, my daughter said he doesn't even have a car himself, apparently when he wants to go someplace, he'll rent a car. He works off the books so I could never collect any money from him, but I know the way he lives, he can't afford to buy her a car. We know nothing about this car, except he wants to leave it parked in our driveway until so my daughter can use it.
This is not to brag or anything, but we can easily afford to buy my daughter something newish, where we know it would be safe, and we could put her on our insurance and all that. Even if my ex is trying to be a nice guy and give his daughter a car, that opens up an entire thing of problems where he would have ownership over something that he wants to park on our property, thus giving him our address, and possible access to our property to retrieve the car whenever he wants. That's what we think his plan is. Also, as a parent, of a child under 18, that would give me little control to say my daughter can't go drive somewhere because I would have no ownership of the car she is driving. So, say ex wants her to drive to meet him and skip finals week or something, I would not be able to do anything. (Not that would happen.) My daughter is at the stage of her life where she needs little supervision, but as a parent, it's my job to keep her on the right track. My ex husband is the guy that brags about his current drug use, has told my daughter that only dorks get good grades, and she doesn't need college. He's also told her that if she wanted to smoke pot around him, she could. So, yea.... I have this parenting worry that he's going to convince her to drop out of school and go live with him. It's not good.
Sorry if that paragraph is a mess of thoughts, I'm just really anxiety ridden and my thoughts are all over the place especially being as pregnant as I am. I'm having nightmares that my ex is going to kidnap my daughter and my unborn daughter, or even kill our family. It hasn't been pleasant. As far as I know, he doesn't know I'm pregnant, but who knows.
We don't know what to do about the school situation, because that is just not going anywhere, and now this. It's really crappy.
The school is refusing to acknowledge any wrong doing at all. Their claim has shifted to the letter that my ex received never had my information on it, other than the letter was addressed to both Ms. Me and Mr. Him. His address was on the letter I received, so I don't really buy that, but we have no proof unless we actually have the letter he was sent. The school has flat out ignored all further contact dealing with this entire thing, to the point where the main office would not even check my daughter's information card when I called. And of course, with the school shooting happening, their focus has been that, which that's another story for another time.
What I am now dealing with has been making my skin crawl. My ex is not allowed contact with me. All contact has always had to be through email and to a third party. It was setup like that so he wouldn't be able to say terrible things to me. It's been my husband now for several years, the third party. Which now my husband has been getting emails that are addressed to both him and me from my ex. He's just throwing my name on there, but that could be an attempt to contact me in itself. My ex never emails my husband, it's basically just for travel arrangements. There has never been any other discussions over anything. My ex is not an involved father by any means. He had no clue how old my daughter was just a year ago.
But now he's come up with this insane idea that he wants to give my daughter a car, drive it down to us over the summer and park it in our driveway. That is actually what he said in his email to my husband from yesterday. He is not allowed within 500 ft of our property first. Second, my daughter said he doesn't even have a car himself, apparently when he wants to go someplace, he'll rent a car. He works off the books so I could never collect any money from him, but I know the way he lives, he can't afford to buy her a car. We know nothing about this car, except he wants to leave it parked in our driveway until so my daughter can use it.
This is not to brag or anything, but we can easily afford to buy my daughter something newish, where we know it would be safe, and we could put her on our insurance and all that. Even if my ex is trying to be a nice guy and give his daughter a car, that opens up an entire thing of problems where he would have ownership over something that he wants to park on our property, thus giving him our address, and possible access to our property to retrieve the car whenever he wants. That's what we think his plan is. Also, as a parent, of a child under 18, that would give me little control to say my daughter can't go drive somewhere because I would have no ownership of the car she is driving. So, say ex wants her to drive to meet him and skip finals week or something, I would not be able to do anything. (Not that would happen.) My daughter is at the stage of her life where she needs little supervision, but as a parent, it's my job to keep her on the right track. My ex husband is the guy that brags about his current drug use, has told my daughter that only dorks get good grades, and she doesn't need college. He's also told her that if she wanted to smoke pot around him, she could. So, yea.... I have this parenting worry that he's going to convince her to drop out of school and go live with him. It's not good.
Sorry if that paragraph is a mess of thoughts, I'm just really anxiety ridden and my thoughts are all over the place especially being as pregnant as I am. I'm having nightmares that my ex is going to kidnap my daughter and my unborn daughter, or even kill our family. It hasn't been pleasant. As far as I know, he doesn't know I'm pregnant, but who knows.
We don't know what to do about the school situation, because that is just not going anywhere, and now this. It's really crappy.
- Post starter
- #21
I mean, this is a man that point blank told a judge that he wanted access to the house I share with my husband when it is necessary. That is on court record. And that comment didn't just bother me, that bothered every person in the court room. He had taken me to court years ago to try an unseal my address, and be able to have contact with me. He was asking for a key to my house. No ex husband gets a key to his ex wife's house anyway, but he thought that was completely rational.
scout86
VIP Member
Can you prove that? Sounds like grounds to restrict his involvement even more than it is.
- Post starter
- #23
Yes. And we have brought texts from him to her into court as proof last year. There's not much we can do as that goes. He has limited involvement with her already, and she's already told her law guardian involved that she does want to spend some time with her father. So, it's really been a situation where unless something happens, they won't do anything. He's already gotten into a car accident with her in the car at 3am, and we attempted every recourse we could, the court wouldn't do anything. Again, my husband is an attorney, we have access to various types of attorneys, every avenue we could use has been used to try and do everything we can.
- Post starter
- #24
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
