Sufferer Ptsd from withnessing shooting 3 years ago

[Harpin' Mario]

Hello, I am new to this site and not sure if I am typing in the right place. I have been struggling with PTSD for almost three years, it started after witnessing a shooting and it's aftermath. I was about three feet away from the shooter. Some of the effects I experience from this PTSD is anxiety attacks, panic attacks, seeing images of the shooting and it's aftermath when I close my eyes before bed. I have had nightmares, a flashback, have heard in my mind both the screams of the victim and the sounds of the gunshots (though not physical sounds they sounded so real to me as though they were). I have been to counseling twice and had EMDR done both times. The first time I had release from PTSD for nine months before being re triggered. When the PTSD came back it was worse then the first time, I have had episodes where I have been unable to function. I honestly am afraid to have release again from my PTSD, I do not want it to get worse then it already is. I have learned some management techniques, and some times they have worked. I feel as if I am broken, like I am going crazy. To be honest I really do not know what to type here. I am just having a bad day with this stupid PTSD thing and I am frustrated and just had to get some of my thoughts out. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Welcome to the site. It is horrible what you went through. I hope that you feel the support that you need here and at home.

 

[Harpin' Mario]

Thank you, I did not realize these books existed. I am feeling better after a good nights sleep. I had to call in to work and take the day off. Has anyone used these books at all and if so what did you think about them? I honestly have difficultly believing that I can overcome PTSD and all that comes with it. I admit this conviction is based out of fear that if I "overcome" PTSD that it will again come back even worse then it is now (which I cannot image). I have accepted that I will have to live with PTSD till death, which will be my only true cure from it. Again, thank you for your responses.

 

[Snowflakes]

I honestly have difficultly believing that I can overcome PTSD and all that comes with it.

Depends on your definition of “overcome”
PTSD is never cured but it can be well managed. The best way to managing well is with therapy. I might suggest you continue therapy if you have stopped.Take care.

 

[Harpin' Mario]

The counselor I was seeing no longer takes the insurance I have through my employer. I may have found other options near me but have not followed through with any phone calls. Thank you for your response.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I’m guessing you’re seeing books in the google ads on the site? (I don’t see ads, and they are based on what we search for anyway...)

Some books are very helpful, others, not so much. I know there are posts already about books that people have found helpful. You could also start your own thread asking for book recommendations.

 

[Freida]

I honestly am afraid to have release again from my PTSD, I do not want it to get worse then it already is

yea...PTSD doesn't go away. It's like the ocean -- sometimes it's calm and sometimes its stormy and sometimes its a huge tidal wave that knocks you on your ass. Going back to therapy may make it ramp up a bit at first until you figure out what is triggering its return, but then it should calm back down again as you learn better coping techniques for this round. Plus - you found us! So you know you aren't alone

 

[Harpin' Mario]

After going through counseling the first time and not having anything happen for nine months I was under the false impression that my mind was healed and that I could move on with my life. Then the week of 4th of July came and the fireworks re-triggered me and sent me not only back into the episodes, but made them worse. I remember a few times where I had to just grab my head with my hands and squat because the attack were so bad I could not function at all. After being re-triggered I became bitter, angry and resentful. I sought help again because it was becoming to unbearable to handle. I had a friend of mine who I would communicate with who also struggles with PTSD, we both got it from our place of employment. Unfortunately after being let go once he let our employer know he was struggling with PTSD due to the job conditions, he had to let his phone go till he could find other employment, I am still waiting to hear from him.

I do not dare tell my employer that I am dealing with PTSD because of the work conditions, they have already let go two of my friends because of the PTSD. Plus I had received a phone call from my counselor's office, they informed me that they could no longer take the insurance I have -- kind of feel like I lost both of my safety nets within a couple of weeks. So I did a search through Google and found this site, so I came to check it out.

I wanted to attend a local support group also in my area, though the closest to me is in a really bad part of town where shootings, drug dealing and other sorts of crime take place. So I decided not to visit that support group. I live in the country and the others are even further away from me. Life sure can give you some pretty nasty punches and knock you out from time to time.

I want to thank both of you for your responses and I hope to get more involved with this site soon.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Harpin' Mario

they informed me that they could no longer take the insurance I have

Is there someone else in your town who will take your insurance?

 

[DharmaGirl]

I thought that if you got PTSD from a job, it is covered by workers comp. I would check that out.

 

[Gs172003]

They aren't allowed to fire you over it unless you can't perform your job.

 

[Harpin' Mario]

@Harpin' Mario


Is there someone else in your town who will take your insurance?...

Sorry for my delay. I have looked and may have found another. I think though that I will try and manage it myself till I think I need to contact them.