Crying in therapy

[expectingbetter]

I spent last session crying almost the entire time. I couldn't focus on anything but talking about numerous things that were hurting me, and I was crying all along.

I have had a very hard week since then until my next session today.
Yesterday everything became just too much, and having been triggered by certain things I started crying last night, for hours, eventually fell asleep, and I cried again this morning.
I fear I'll spend, waste my next session the same way. When I cry I just am.unable to focus on anything else.

I have an additional issue too. The thing that triggered me yesterday is what is causing me such sadness, but also incredible shame and embarrassment. I am changing my mind constantly whether I want to share it today or not.
I simply fear I would waste entire session again in crying, and I would like to avoid feelings of extreme embarrassment connected to the issue.

I don't know what to do.
Has anyone any advice, please.
Do you have any idea how I could get myself together during the therapy and cry afterwards, I can't afford sitting there and doing nothing else but crying and renting.
Also, what would you do, go to the embarrassing thing today no matter how terribly hard it is or not?

Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

(((((EB)))))

Sending many hugs.

Wish there were perfect answers in a perfect world.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

simply fear I would waste entire session again in crying, and I would like to avoid feelings of extreme embarrassment connected to the issue.

I can very much relate to this, although I'm told that the crying is supposedly a good thing, at the very least I don't think it equates to a wasted session. Then again, crying in front of people is torture for me, even with my T, after many trusted years with her.

I've no answers other than be as gentle as you can with yourself. If you get to the embarrassing thing today, maybe just try it out. You can always back off if you begin to feel flooded.

I suspect none of this is really helpful. Just reaching out in support!

 

[UnicornSightings]

Honestly I’d go there and cry it out. And say the embarrassing thing and cry some more. Why do you think that’s wasted time? I’ve never ever been able to cry in front of another human being. I think that would be an amazing experience to express my feelings and be supported and accepted.

 

[Rose White]

If I were you I would give it time, no need to rush to where you think you should be. The slower you heal the stronger your healing.

It’s “funny” (not funny at all) how you wish you could stop crying and others, like myself and @UnicornSightings, wonder if we will ever submerge into the grieving.

I’m mostly rigid and automatic in session, if I start to cry I judge it and stop myself, as a protective mechanism.

I’m starting to realize that it’s okay to have protective mechanisms because that’s part of my strengths, and in time I will sort out the helpful ones from the useless ones.

All this is to say that not crying feels like a waste of session for me but I keep going, hoping that this time I’ll “get” to cry.

Not to minimize or dismiss your issue! Just putting it in perspective. It sounds like crying is an issue no matter what—too much or too little! Maybe we don’t have to perfectionize it! Maybe there’s no “right” amount of crying. Our body just does it when it needs to! Maybe you are shedding lots of old tears that needed to come out. Sending you hugs.

 

[Rumors]

I would spill it...literally. If that is while crying then so be it but it certainly won’t get any better holding on to it alone. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

 

[Freida]

I agree with @UnicornSightings cry - talk - cry.

My T would be ecstatic if she could get me to cry at all. Crying for a whole session? That would be a big ass happy dance. And she wouldn't consider it to be "wasted time". She yammers on regularly about how letting someone be with you while you feel emotions is a huge step towards healing....even if you don't do anything but cry.

and the shame thing? go ahead and tell her. yes, it will suck. But chances are what you think of as shame she will think of as survival.

 

[Rose White]

letting someone be with you while you feel emotions is a huge step

I never thought of it this way, but this is so true. Healing for me is a lot about what I allow. First I had to allow myself to feel. Then the next step is to allow someone to be with me while I feel and not try to protect the other person from my feelings or judge my grief.

@expectingbetter does this resonate with you? The sense of judging or “not allowing” getting in the way?

 

[expectingbetter]

I am deeply grateful all of you were there for me today. It's an amazing feeling.

I had a terrible session, yes I cried quite a lot, and still do on and off.

I am feeling completely unable to focus to writing anything more than this.

I'll reread your replies tomorrow.

Thank you for being there.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Again ((((((EB))))))) :hug:

 

[Justmehere]

Crying in therapy is good... but is this thread more about struggling to regulate emotions both in and outside of therapy? Is that more of the crux of the battle?

 

[RoadtoHappy]

I am deeply grateful all of you were there for me today. It's an amazing feeling.

I had a terr...

I completely understand that feeling of shame. I told my T something a month ago that I had never told a soul before. It was something I carried with me for 15 years. It took me 8 months to finally tell her and it was like lifting 10kg off my back. I can’t cry in therapy at all I wish I could but while telling her I had awful flashbacks and then I puked in her bin (beyond embarrassing) but telling her was the best decision I made. I shared my Shame with another human and she had nothing but positive support and empathy and for once I didn’t feel alone in my Shame. It took about 3 sessions after before I could properly look her in the eye again but since then I feel even more empowered to help myself heal.

I completely empathise with you but if your T is good they will provide you with the right support needed to work through the Shame and embarrassment.

Sending you lots of support