Derealisation and depersonalisation today and over months , mother daughter sexual abuse ,

[oasis2003]

hi
I thought I had worked through all traumas that I have had in my life, thinking it was doctors, and it was for one trauma, but no all along it has been my mum. How can a mother commit every type of abuse to her daughter. Yes ok I have accepted, emotional abuse, physical abuse, now I have found she has a narcissistic personality disorder according to the dsm. She has all 5 and more. I am disclosing to you guys now that she has also sexually abused me. I did not know that this could happen? She abused me from 0 to 9 yrs virtually every night . Now I understand where all of my body memories, ptsd , and dissociative disorders come from . I have support but know that you guys on here can understand most of the crap that goes with having cptsd and dissociation. I am really upset and unreal and depersonalised in a mega way at the moment . It is such a shock . How can I see her speak to her ever again, also did she abuse my older brother as well . He was the golden balls, but I understand that this sort of abuse also happens to the golden child too . OMG I am so freaked out at the moment .

 

[Raben2107]

hi
I thought I had worked through all traumas that I have had in my life, thinking it was doctors, and it...

I am new so please excuse me if I am going about this wrong. I just want to tell you that everything is ok. Look around you and count the yellow objects in the room. Wiggle your toes and feel them move. You are safe now. Where you are right now in this very moment is safe. She is no where near you and she can NEVER hurt you again. Sending positive thoughts to you. You will be okay. You are safe.

 

[oasis2003]

I am new so please excuse me if I am going about this wrong. I just want to tell you that everything...

Thank you so much . I will do this and welcome here to this amazing forum xx

 

[Deleted member 8714]

How can a mother commit every type of abuse to her daughter. ....she has a narcissistic personality disorder... ....OMG I am so freaked out at the moment

I'm so sorry you're remembering this and going through the shock and horror of it. Gentle hugs if you accept them. :hug: @Oasis :hug:

As far as I know my NPD mother did everything to me but sexual abuse. Was your mother a malignant narcissist? Mine was. She derived great pleasure in abusing me. I was one of her scapegoats. Once she laughed at me after chasing me through the house and smashing me into a shower door. It shattered into my back, cutting me. She had this evil grin on her face when she realized I was hurt.

 

[oasis2003]

My mother was covert narcissist, I was enmeshed with her , I was her scapegoat, my brother her golden child. It is the dark eyes and the varying looks and yes wicked grin. I was not given permission to have any emotions especially crying. Accept back if you will accept. Mine was only physically abusive a few times it was the rages and total rejection of me that mine used to enjoy, as well as total power over me, and then creating helplessness in me. I have freeze symptoms loads. Invisibility was also a good defence for me or get the f —— away from her . Thanks for replying hope you are healing some what .

 

[frogthroat]

My mom sexually abused both my little brother and I. It's just coming out and I don't really know how long it went on for. Both of us were ignored, infantilized, and suddenly showered with small periods of extra attention and anything we wanted. I think being the scapegoat or the golden child went back and forth between us. I was totally emeshed with her as well even until recently. I just wanted her to really love me so bad. She always played the victim "oh look at me living with this black out drunk in this house that's in shambles" but secretly I think she hated us. She has told us before that we were there when my dad wasn't. It was like we just filled time and space and obviously other needs. Plus, I think she rented me to my other male and female abuser because she was pretty involved with him but I don't want to know really.
This hurts bad so and I don't want to say I understand because every situation is different and saying "I know how you feel" sounds so trite. I recently discovered she did this to my little brother too when I visited his house. He broke down sobbing and asked if mom ever touched me. I was totally shocked and sad for him even though we've pissed each other off a great deal. I try to view it as we lived in this silent hell where there was no escape and we did what we could to survive. I don't even think he would've ever said anything if he wasn't worrying about his upcoming marriage and plans for children.
I think you can feel better though. I'm really struggling right now too and I feel like I'm living in a bad dream. I just keep pressing on and making small improvements to myself. It's really difficult but doable. I think I'm still in shock though. You know like when you're so depressed you don't think you're depressed? It's like that. Idk what to say really but I'm sending you good vibes. It's a really shitty unnerving situation.