Personal power?

[ladee]

@Bearlinda , I would call that hard earned self confidence. Not arrogance, just confident.

 

[Tinyflame]

But I am trying to get my head round this concept that I'm trying to label... Vitality / spirit not sure they are the right words.

If you think of someone who takes no nonsense - what do you call that quality? I'm not talking about aggression.

I'm not sure if this is totally off base @Bearlinda -the others probably have it more correct.

I think confident or authentic in just being yourself.

I was thinking of the opposite, re: Brene Brown (apologies if you are a fan), she is often quoted as saying we have to choose to be vulnerable. But, to me, the condition of vulnerability came without choice- if I could choose I wouldn't be vulnerable, really!

So, in a sense, (my) spiritedness (or lack thereof) is truly my own, since I have no capability to be anyone but myself. But then, anyone but myself wouldn't be me, and that would take an effort to lie, maintain, copy or otherwise attempt to project qualities, thoughts, beliefs or appearances not really my own.

So, though I'm not that crazy about being me, it's true, and in that way much easier to live with, in knowing what's in my own mind, heart and soul. I don't think there's power in it, but there's a degree of acceptance or less energy required, not confidence but more alignment with recognizing what is true to me, what I value, what gives me motivation, or consolation, or conversely distress, etc. It doesn't matter what does or doesn't for others, it's knowing myself.

And then, I should add, trying to give the same opportunity back to others. Because not everywhere is it safe or accepted to be ourselves, but in our hearts and minds we know what we think and feel.

So personal power to me is to live and let live- and hopefully not be crushed in the process.

If that makes sense.

 

[Teasel]

I would call that hard earned self confidence.

Thanks @ladee :-) why didn't I think of that. It's frustrating not being able to think clearly, does make me feel dumb sometimes. Anyway.

In amongst doing me chores this morning II've been reading n noting down headings form this wiki how on Self Confidence

Cause I'm finding it helpful to see the different component parts that all add to self confidence.

They are

Part One of Four:
Cultivating a Good Attitude

1 Identify your negative thoughts.
2 Turn your negative thoughts to positive thoughts.
3 Refuse to allow negative thoughts to occur more often than positive thoughts.
4 Maintain a positive support network.
5 Eliminate reminders of your negativity.
6 Identify your talents
7 Take pride in yourself.
8 Accept compliments gracefully.
9 Look in the mirror and smile.

Part Two of Four:
Dealing with Emotions

1 Be comfortable with fear.
2 Be patient with yourself.
3 Strive for balance
4 Stop comparing yourself to others.
5 Recognize your insecurities.
6 Bounce back from your mistakes.
7 Avoid perfectionism.
8 Practice gratitude.

Part Three of Four:
Practicing Self-Care

1 Take care of yourself.
2 Put care into your appearance.
3 Exercise regularly.
4 Sleep well.

Part Four of Four:
Setting Goals and Taking Risks

1 Set small and achievable goals.
2 Embrace the unknown.
3 Address your perceived areas for improvement.
4 Seek to help others.

Not posting this cause im honna blindly follow what they have to say etc. Rather reading the wiki helps me more clearly see the things I am doing n are good at and the things that aren't even on my radar.

I love what you have to say too @Junebug :-)
Yes for eg part of who I am is being socially awkward and not "cool" and actually I kinda love that :shy::D:whistling: kind of I am anti suave and that seems good to me :laugh:

I like too what you say about giving others room to be themselves. You are right about that really not being ok in some spheres. Too many..

 

[ladee]

I really like not being 'one of the cool kids' !! First of all, fads bore me, and getting to be 'original' and authentic is what we are striving for. The great thing about that is, we are not mean and ugly by nature..maybe when symptomatic and unable to self regulate right at that moment. But over all, we are a very empathetic group. So , I recognize 'one of us out in the world... we all have the same look in our eyes. "What the F am I doing HERE?' look.. :laugh:

Some of the greatest minds and people who really made a difference in this world, was not a sheep. They were them selves... we may not be famous, except amongst our selves... but that counts... keep on being who you are... I would rather be me than them anyway.

 

[Still Standing]

In my opinion, concerning myself, my personal power ties in directly with Mal Content's and ladee's posts. Recovery is by choice and action. To embark on this journey, in the first place, was a decision to act on a plan to get help. Once in the Psych doc's office, I made a conscious decision to trust him and to commit to walking forward. So walking forward, I go. My health is determined by my willingness to keep choosing to work toward a better day. It gets rough and I have whined and thought about stopping but, in spite of the discomfort, I am insisting on trudging ahead. I am committed to choosing a better way of living rather than running the risk of loosing that control. So, self-power is my ability to make good decisions and acting on them.

 

[shimmerz]

If you think of someone who takes no nonsense

Self Empowered
Self Actuated
Having Strong Boundaries
Effective Communicator

There may be more I am not thinking of but this process is comprised of many different skills that most of us don't actually have. Mainly because an effective parenting process is supposed to instill them in us. I don't know about you but in my family I wasn't taught much else besides shut up.

 

[Teasel]

There may be more I am not thinking of but this process is comprised of many different skills that most of us don't actually have. Mainly because an effective parenting process is supposed to instill them in us. I don't know about you but in my family I wasn't taught much else besides shut up.

Absolutely yeah, my family taught me all about how to be a victim and be grateful for any attention no matter how abusive.

Self Empowered
Self Actuated
Having Strong Boundaries
Effective Communicator

These are the kind of things I'm talking about yes. Think I'll Google each one and see what I find.

 

[Teasel]

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Maslow used the terms "physiological", "safety", "belonging and love", "esteem", "self-actualization", and "self-transcendence" to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through.

Safety needs I'm stuck on but working on it. And the following is massive for me.

Social belonging
After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs is interpersonal and involves feelings of belongingness. This need is especially strong in childhood and it can override the need for safety as witnessed in children who cling to abusive parents. Deficiencies within this level of Maslow's hierarchy – due to hospitalism, neglect, shunning, ostracism, etc. – can adversely affect the individual's ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general.

Everything mentioned about Esteem, Actualization n Trancendance also interesting but I'll not quote the whole thing.

 

[Teasel]

"Research shows that when people live lives that are different from their true nature and capabilities, they are less likely to be happy than those whose goals and lives match." - kind of like what you're saying @Junebug ?

Maslow's characteristics of self-actualizers
I've condensed this from here

▪Efficient perceptions of reality - able to judge situations correctly, sensitive to the fake.
▪The shortcomings of self and others and the contradictions of the human condition are accepted with humor and tolerance.
▪Reliant on own experiences and judgement, not reliant on environment to form views.
▪Spontaneous and natural. True to oneself, rather than being how others want.
▪Task centering - having a mission to fulfill in life or some task or problem 'beyond' themselves
▪Autonomy - not reliant on others. They tend to be resourceful and independent.
▪Continued freshness of appreciation. The self-actualizer seems to constantly renew appreciation of life's basic goods. A sunset or a flower will be experienced as intensely time after time as it was at first.
▪Profound interpersonal relatinships with deep loving bonds.
▪Comfort with solitude. Despite their satisfying relationships with others.
▪Non-hostile sense of humor - the ability to laugh at oneself.
▪Peak experiences. (repeated temporary moments of self-actualization).
▪Socially compassionate. Possessing humanity.
▪Few friends. Few close intimate friends rather than many superficial relationships.

I'm really good at one or two of these and atrocious at others. I think it'll be a useful list for me to look at when I'm feeling muddle headed about this again.

 

[Tinyflame]

"Research shows that when people live lives that are different from their true nature and capabilities, they are less likely to be happy than those whose goals and lives match." - kind of like what you're saying @Junebug ?

Well @Bearlinda , yes-and-no; I think the above is an evident truth- though capabilities can change or increase.
I guess I mean it in a more base way: is a bird more, or less, 'happy' to be placed in a pond (other than a swan I guess), or a fish in a tree? The bird would not be at home, the fish would die. The bird would fly away, birds in general would. And an injured one, well it might survive in an artificial, protected environment, but I doubt in the wild. So are we happier when true to ourselves- of course. But there's a (to me) different level of self truth that 'is' who we genuinely are, not one influenced by attempts at gain, or societal pressures, or expectations, I mean 'true' vs the fake Maslow refers to. Maybe the word is authentic, less disparity between the outside and inside? (Although by it's nature the 'true inside' would be private, for obvious reasons, or it wouldn't be 'inside'). JlMHO though.

I identify with much of what they say about self-actualizers, but I'm not sure that's entirely what makes for happiness, or personal power. But it helps for increased self-reflection or self understanding, and letting go.

And certainly, if we can sense or judge situations as fake, the first place we can focus on is how fake or real are we? And being real doesn't mean (for me) that my qualities or nature are what I like or prefer or others would (including ptsd's influence), but it is me, and that's what I have to work around, or work with. It's all part of 'me'.