I can’t handle “nice” people

[EveHarrington]

The best way for cons is to pretend that they are the good guys. With a friendly smile. Sometimes I cannot...

Thank you.

Hugs.

 

[MyWillow]

Funny this came up in session the other day although we didn’t dive too deep but just “noticed” because I had a lot of current family stuff to deal with. It totally freaked me out how “nice” some people were in my life. It’s like “ON GUARD!”

 

[Freida]

Once again I’m pushing myself too hard and trying to do too much.

Taking a step back. Taking one thing at a time.

Haha. You beat me to it!!:hug:

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

This actually is giving me insight. My guy said that his biggest complaint is that I am too nice. I laughed and asked him if he wanted me to be a b%+@h to him and he said, yeah a little bit. I've not understood this, until right now. I now see where it would scare him a little . Now to learn how and what to complain about to him! LOL
Seriously though , thank you!

 

[EveHarrington]

Ugh.

Well the ex is gone. It’s for the best. That relationship was a complete mindf*ck. Yes it helped me heal in some ways, but in others it was for the worst.

The nice people factor just got worse.

I think it just hit me.

Nice people don’t have strong boundaries.

(Remember we’re dealing with my definition of nice.)

Setting and enforcing HEALTHY boundaries can feel downright cruel sometimes.

“Nice” people cannot do this because they are too busy trying to look good and have you like them.


So there’s this other guy......”S”.....we’ve known each other for awhile. He’s quite different than my ex. Won’t take on my stuff. Doesn’t hesitate to tell it like it is. Sometimes it hurts like hell. Doesn’t care about being “nice”.... Sets the hard boundaries but doesn’t walk away (for good).

Now more than ever I realize how important it is that I have people in my life who can set those important boundaries.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

I love your attitude !
I'm really not so nice , I'm impatient, people piss me off daily, I'm not afraid to say what I'm entitled to. I've told him, "believe me. You'll see the b!+@h in me " thing is as much as he drives me insane, he's never done anything to get me fired up . It's strange. I tell him that he's the only guy so far that I've dated that I haven't wanted to throat punch! He laughs but I'm serious . Truthfully it scares me how accepting of him that I am. So for him to say I'm too nice is comical but I he doesn't give me anything to be upset over .
I'm proud of you for making that change in your life. Hopefully you can find happiness with spunk ! LOL

 

[EveHarrington]

I love your attitude !
I'm really not so nice , I'm impatient, people piss me off daily, I'm...

I think the big difference is that with "nice" people you don't always know if its genuine. When you see a range of emotions from people, some of which are spontaneous, it adds to the perception that the are a REAL 360 degree person who doesn't hold things back. I'm not saying you are fake or anything like that, just giving my perspective on things.

This is why I had a problem with my ex. His attitude was that we should CHOOSE to respond to everything with kindness. Choose? You see, that makes the response feel disingenuine. Lets face it. There are things in life that will piss you off, and always choosing to respond with kindness just makes you look faker than fake. People want to know REAL people. Not just "nice" people. "Nice" is somewhat shallow IMHO because it doesn't provide any depth. I don't doubt that it "works" for some, but you really can't know someone deeply if you only know this niceness.

I don't mean to offend anyone. This is just how I see things.

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

My guy who thinks that I'm too nice has seen me get pissed about MANY things. I JUST thought of something , I wonder if the reason why he hasn't tipped the meter is because maybe I hold him to a different standard. .. I wonder if I'm always blaming his PTSD rather than him? Holy cow.....I need to figure that one out!

 

[Freida]

I wonder if I'm always blaming his PTSD rather than him?

The challenge of supporters everywhere.....

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

The challenge of supporters everywhere.....

Really? That makes me feel better, not alone in it at least. I've been sitting here thinking about it and I definitely think I am doing that. I guess I need to start looking at placing lines as to what is more "him" than PTSD . I also realized that I'm truthfully a little scared to be mad at him, because I don't want to upset him . He's not violent or ill tempered at all. I've never even heard him raise his voice, but I'm more afraid of the ghosting that will come from it.

 

[anon1234]

“Nice” people always make me anxious because it reminds me of school. The “nice” girls tended to be the biggest bullies behind closed doors/the locker room etc etc
The fake niceties and popularity contests used to get on my nerves. Maybe that’s why I don’t trust many people.

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

“Nice” people always make me anxious because it reminds me of school. The “nice” girls tended...

Yeah, that makes perfect sense . I forgot about those. You're completely right . It was always the little miss perfect, teachers pets, that were the biggest bullies!