I just want to help you slightly more with identifying what's uncomfortable about this -- partially because it reminds me of a situation I went through. So... I'll just point out what I noticed.
Obviously these are not things that you need to say in a text message. They're just things to keep in mind, to help you get past this.
We still do but 5 months ago she said she said she felt things were out of balance on her part and needed to spend more time with her family.
To be fair, I just do it that way to be safe. I feel like now she is setting boundaries but I am already stuck in this relationship this way. I feel like I can’t live without this relationship but at the same time I am struggling with it.
These sentences. I'm not sure if there is a specific term for this, but when I was with my ex as "just a friend" with very blurry lines for nearly a decade (long story short), this is EXACTLY how I felt. I thought I was being a good person, by being this girl's friend. She made me do everything, I wasn't allowed to visit my own mother (when I was a child, a teenager more specifically), but most of all -- because she had the most limitations. It was easier for me to bend my responsibilities, my emotions, my thoughts, and my free time. Anything she wanted, I couldn't say no too.
Unlike my friend, yours didn't push everyone you loved away. However, there is a HUGE power imbalance happening here.
Me, as a child -- I got confused. I started believing that I had just been "bad" at making friends, that maybe I'd never had a REAL friend before, because none of them were like this. You, however, have kept other friends and don't seem to have this distortion (yay!). Not exactly, anyway. You do have her on that pedestal. And one thing I've grown to understand is this: That's not friendship.
When I realized I was my friend's therapist instead of her friend? When I didn't feel able to tell her my own feelings, yet she was allowed to dump quite literally every detail of her life onto me -- at any hour, no matter what I had going on? Sure, yours isn't that bad just yet, but this:
I don’t really talk about my stuff anymore.
Reminds me of that, quite a lot. I think we had very different circumstances -- but somehow, a similar, very subtle and maybe even subconscious abuse in common.
You're still sane, so I think you can get out while you still can.
I have a lot of friends and she did not. I talked about all this in therapy and she knew that I would do anything for my friends. My friends are very important to me bc when I was being abused as a kid I always felt so alone and never want to feel that way again.
Again this just happens with her. I have other friends that I am very close to and these feelings don’t come up. With her the feelings are so strong and I know I have to be strong.
So great that you have other friends, and know that they are your friends. I'm very happy about this for you.
That the feelings are so strong, as everyone else already told you and you already agreed to, is bad news. It sounds like you have healthy friendships.
And, if you feel like she is building boundaries? Look at what you wrote again -- especially at what I quoted. She decided all these things to do, not you. It really feels like you were vulnerable and she maybe not even on purpose took advantage of that. You were the one who needed this early boundaries -- and even her own boundaries come off as somewhat strange in this context: why was she spending so much time with you that she wasn't spending enough time with her family? Why hasn't she asked you about your life? Why hasn't she thought about the fact that you have a life of your own -- to the basic extent of what you're feeling about this?
If you text her and she had many excuses and explanations, that's fine. But it's more of a reason to move on. Her understanding of what's going on may be helpful *if* you decide to give it, but does not mend the friendship in this context.
I have a feeling that she may have been avoiding talking about you to overcorrect you not being her client. I obviously can't know this for sure, but if this is it, then this shows that both of you were a little uncomfortable, to say the least.
I hope any part of this was helpful -- and good luck. I wish you much strength
