I am crawling out of my skin with hypervigilance!

[ms spock]

It will pass. Breath, focus on ease of breath and paying more mind to your breath than to your thoughts. Might help?

It does help! Thanks!

Because I am coming off medication, and not binge or comfort eating anymore I am being overwhelmed by feelings, or I am fearing being overwhelmed by feelings.

So I can play my musical instrument instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can walking the dog instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can go on Connect instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can do a Self Compassion Break instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can read instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can walk the dog instead of crawling out of my skin.
I can do The Alexander Technique instead of crawling out of my skin.

 

[Overcoming]

@Disco Dancing Queen saying a prayer for you. I'm afraid of what coming off medicine will be like

 

[ms spock]

I have done it quite a few times, under medical supervision I'smom and it didn't go well, but I have worked up to it a number of times, and each time I didn't manage to get off my medication, I looked at what skills I needed and started to work on gaining and practising those skills. Finally I am closer to weaning off medication. This time was not so hard as the other times.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What about video games? Isn't tetris suppose to be helpful. I have been in a bad place also, not sleeping, anxious all the time, jumpy, all the fun things. I'm trying to just let it pass, since I've got a lot of stuff happening. I'm hoping you're feeling better. I might do the benzo thing tonight.

 

[ms spock]

I am also not numbing with food, and that is a big life change for me. It is a huge life change for me.

I started playing my musical instrument again @DharmaGirl.

There is a muscle in my hip that just won't let go, it just holds on. It just holds on.

 

[ChanandlerBong]

Sometimes we need that self care more than usual, there is no shame in it. It could be just watching your favorite series on Netflix or having time for that cup of coffee or tea each morning, but try to put that time away for yourself. My therapist also has me making a schedule, since I’m not working, and sticking to it. It’s hard, especially when I feel depressed or hypervigilant. She also has me reserve 30 mins for self help books to help better understand my disorders and how I’m feeling, and journaling at 7 o’clock each night. Just know that the little things make a difference and that you have a whole community that does care about you

 

[Teasel]

Feeling for you @Disco Dancing Queen
When my DaD had cancer I was quite extroadinarliy anxious at time and found language learning apps ever so good at getting me into rational brain and out of fearful brain. I expect your musical instrument eorks in a similar vein.

 

[ms spock]

So I am moving towards being in a space where I am not taking antidepressants, I am on a much lower dose now I am at 75mg of Endep, and I was on a very high dose and at times combined with other drugs, so it is a whole new world for me @Bearlinda! I am not the person that I was, but I have not quite transitioned to the person that I am becoming. I am scared and anxious about the next part of the journey, and ever so sad that I wasted my life away due to the corrosive self doubt and the multilevels of the profound impacts of trauma on every developmental stage of my life. But I don't want to be in Erik Erikson's Stagnation, I want to move into Generativity!

 

[ms spock]

It will pass. Breath, focus on ease of breath and paying more mind to your breath than to your thoughts. Might help?

Thanks for your suggestions, what I am dealing with is a major paradigm shift, I am going from a high level antidepressants to weaning off them and this is no where as near as arduous as the last three times I attempted to wean off my medications, but at times it is heart stoppingly present, and being present in this now is a huge fear and terror for me, being dissociated, depersonalised and derealised is safe for me, so I am stepping out of my "safe" space again and again so it is not really going away except if I binge watch TV or comfort eat or play my musical instrument. So I am watching the TV at times, I am not binge eating and I am really putting the breaks on the comfort eating and that is totally challenging for me. I am not living in a food coma, and that is really hard.

Can.You put some music on and focus on that instead? Maybe quietly sing along?

Playing my musical instrument does help - but then the shame comes up that I should be better than I am and moving ahead faster, and I can't be that present around other people so it is hard for me to feel that shame. It is like wherever I go there are multiple challenges, and that is hard. It is good that I am doing this but ever so hard at times!

 

[ms spock]

I guess I have done lots of self care @ChanandlerBong and I did find a whole lot of self hatred and self punishment within this morning when I went to the meditation for two hours, so I need to go to Self Compassion, and back to Loving Kindness once again, but it is slightly different for me, as I have healed enough to go back into the workforce I am just terrified and scared of not being good enough, so I am dragging my feet, and I am procrastinating about getting some work. So there is that! Then there is also I have stopped binge eating, and now I am learning how to not comfort eat my way through the day, which I never learnt to do as a child. Food was my friend, comfort, reward, solace, family, company, and everything to me, and I continually ate to self soothe and self medicate, and now I am learning not to do that and it is really hard for me to change this much. Thanks for your suggestions!

It does help to have a few people to talk about it, because this is really hard work, and there aren't many people that I want to share this stuff with, this is my life, and no one needs to hear my trauma story. I want to be an adult out in the world where I am just an adult out in the world, on life's terms doing work like anyone else.

Sometimes we need that self care more than usual, there is no shame in it.

There is a lot of wisdom in this for me, I do need to up my Self Compassion Breaks, and also my practices of Loving Kindness, I need to really do them more. I need to let go of all my anger, hatred and frustration with my family, my sisters, brothers, cousins, Aunties, Uncles, and all the extended family.

put that time away for yourself.

This is a really challenging suggestion for me, but I need to do it. It is hard though.

My therapist also has me making a schedule, since I’m not working, and sticking to it. It’s hard, especially when I feel depressed or hypervigilant. She also has me reserve 30 mins for self help books to help better understand my disorders and how I’m feeling, and journaling at 7 o’clock each night.

That is great! It is hard to stick with a schedule!

Just know that the little things make a difference and that you have a whole community that does care about you

That is so true! Little things do make a difference!

I want my life to more than this The Be Good Tanyas - Waiting Around to Die

That feeling is the worst.

It really helps that I am understood. That helps so much!

I wish I had advice for you as I have found the only thing that gets me out of that is benzos and a good night sleep. Of course sleep is near impossible while in that state. Just know I empathize with you and wish I could make it go away.

Thanks for your empathy! It really assists! I am struggling with sleep as well. I am going off meds, so they are a once per month type of option if you know what I mean. I somehow need to learn to manage this, so I can take the next steps forward.

This is the type of stuff that I need to be doing or would be useful for me to be doing! ED - Disordered eating

ED - Disordered eating This is what I am kind of doing in a way!

 

[ms spock]

This is the one I am doing today to keep me on track http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/self-compassion.break_.mp3 it is helping but the overall change is really tough and difficult for me!

 

[Teasel]

Cheering you on @Disco Dancing Queen :hug:

Also wondering if coming off meds, stopping the coping technique of food and returning to work might be a bit much to so all at once. X