Should i try?

[Freida]

that is wild. My Ts are pretty laid back but not robotic.... Do you think he's always been like that and you are just now noticing as you progress?

 

[Justmehere]

You are in a tug of war with everyone trying to help. When your therapist let’s go of the rope, you are eager to get him to react to you.

What’s the benefit of the tug of war for you? Do you know what your therapist can do that would help you push back less? I say this as someone who has totally done this myself. I found flaws in everything. The flaws you have found are legit and real, but this level of engaging in a tug of war with everyone - it is a defense mechanism.

For me, it took time before I could let go of the fight and do the work on the trauma... which is what matters the most over the long haul.

The alcohol issue, at that treatment facility, they would likely treat it as another maladaptive coping skill. Which is what it is for you. You would by no means the first to hide such a struggle. The issue probably isn’t the amount you drink, but rather *why* you drink: to try to cope with the pain you are in. It’s another sign of how much you are struggling, not so much that they are trying to label you as an alcoholic. If the drinking itself was the primary issue, they’d be sending you to rehab. Instead, they are focused on symptoms and signs of someone who is struggling to cope with the effects of trauma. Let your therapist be honest.

What is more likely to lead to people turning you down or beginning to go flat like your therapist is doing, isn’t the drinking or hiding the drinking, but the resistance, the tug of war. Eventually, someone has to let go of the rope so to speak.

You can fight every treatment facility and provider you see, or you can start to figure out what’s needed to let go and try out their way of doing things. Flaws and all. (And I actually loathe to write this... because I’ve been someone who fought them all, so no judgement.)

You might be in a place where you need to fight. So if that is the case, accept that resisting the treatment providers will push them away. That’s what will happen. It is what it is.

For me, to let go of a little of my own resistance, I had to admit that doing it myself and my way was always an option, because it always is an option... and it’s always an option that I could return to... and I had to accept that it was an option that wasn’t working as well as I needed. I had to engage treatment as if it was an experiment. Let’s see if their way works.

It felt less vulnerable and like I didn’t have to trust them or give them so much power that way, but I could still go with it. Some treatment methods I have approached that way have helped and some didn’t... but perhaps most importantly, I learned how to let people in to the struggle. Sometimes.

So you can keep the tug of war going... but know it will get certain results. Or you can begin to let go of rhe rope. Oh you can always pick it back up again, I’ve done that perhaps a million times. But over time, by even trying to let go, you’ll start to get different results.

My heart goes out to you a lot. I really put up every defensive mechanism I could find before I went inpatient to deal with PTSD. This is really hard stuff to navigate. :hug:

 

[FauxLiz]

@Freida I think he has always been this way it just hasn't ever bothered me before. Realistically he probably isn't being robotic I am just being overly emotional and the contrast well lets just say it would be nice to always be that calm without medications etc.

@Justmehere your analogy of him dropping the rope hit home. I told him the other day that I feel more broken now than when felt like things were coming to a head last fall and initiated the opportunity to do an inpatient stay at River Oaks. I feel like I all the wounds were reopened while I was inpatient and ever since I haven't been able to staunch the bleeding. Life seems to be falling apart on all sectors physical health, mental health, home life, employment and family.

And you are right what harm is their in trying it their way, probably none but I have felt so alone, and responsible for protecting myself that even though I want help it is hard to accept it, it is scary to accept it and I am afraid to trust it.

 

[Justmehere]

I have felt so alone, and responsible for protecting myself that even though I want help it is hard to accept it, it is scary to accept it and I am afraid to trust it.

It is really scary. For me, it’s also so different from how I’ve done life for so long. And it’s not like I did it my own way for fun, I had to do it all independently to survive.

I can tell you from a way too much experience of tugging on that rope that if you can even tug a little less for a moment at a time, it is worth it. It is hardest to do when everything is falling apart - I usually find myself grasping for any sense of control around me when I can’t find it within my own self over my own pain. Letting others take the lead a bit then? It just freaks me out... and it’s worth it to do anyhow. It’s like building a muscle that hasn’t been used much.

In the midst of so much pain and sh*t being thrown your way, you are doing a lot that is good. I hope that you are able to regain that sense of a solid alliance with your therapist — and that good positive responses and solutions with finances and treatment come your way soon. :hug: