How to do the work in the room.

[NightSky]

My T is the first person I’ve trusted with the details of csa, and my struggle to trust myself and the internal fighting that has taken all of my mental energy for more years than I care to admit. I trust her and for three years she has been consistently attuned, validating, compassionate, available, etc. Within the last six months I’ve started feeling some of the emotional pain instead of numbing or hurting myself or distracting or drinking. But it often follows the same pattern: I sit in session (one hr a week) and talk calmly and stay really composed but fairly frozen. Then I get to my car and start shaking. Every time. And more recently shaking and crying. I have never been one to cry so this is new. I’ve told her about this. And we are very careful to check at the end of each session to make sure I’m okay. And I am. I always am when I’m in the room.
It almost feels like my grown up self talks, and then I get alone and my younger parts come out full force, angry with me that I talked, hurt that I keep them buried. The pain recently in those moments and days to follow feels overwhelming. Those parts feel so alone. They don’t have to be. I have such an amazing T. But those parts are so far away when I’m in the room. I feel like I can’t move forward and truly heal in this pattern.
How do I bring them into the room? How do I get whatever parts that are interfering out of the way? I’ve tried lots of pep talks on the way, asking protector parts to step aside, but they are so firmly in place when I’m there. Last week I had really struggled with an intrusive image that just tormented me all week. I was in her office while she used the bathroom before we started and I was almost in tears. She walked in and it’s like a switch. Gone. I feel nothing. I feel fine. Everything’s fine. And she’s a million miles away. Help! I want to get better. :(

 

[Justmehere]

When you are symptomatic outside of the session, maybe you could you could try journaling. Writing down your thoughts, emotions, and describe what you feel. Then take it to therapy and give it to her, or read it to her. You may still stay guarded, but you would begin the process of bringing it more into the room.

 

[NightSky]

When you are symptomatic outside of the session, maybe you could you could try journaling. Writing d...

Thank you for that suggestion. I tend to email her once between sessions and then we talk about it in session. I’m really open in writing so that has worked well for us. But I do edit myself and make sure it’s not too long, etc. so maybe a journal would be a better option.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you given the protector parts what they need?

Have you assured them that self can take care of your child parts?

It can take a long time for protectors to step down. Most of mine would step down within a day, but I had one that took 3+ months to even back down a little, and 5+ months to mostly back down.

 

[NightSky]

Have you given the protector parts what they need?

Have you assured them that self can take care...

Good questions! I have NO idea what they need. And I can’t take care of child parts. I only half believe them. I’m trying. But I used to be angry with them so I’ve made progress. Just not enough yet I guess.

 

[Friday]

Maybe try for an intermission?

Either book a double session and take a 10 minute break, bring your collapsing self right back in for round 2, or deliberately pause midsession, head out to your car and as you get flooded walk yourself back in.

Just sort of figures that working with what you already have -a consistent pattern- would probably be an easier thing to start, than a whole new paradigm. Then, after having been fall apart a time or three in office // easier to allow that to happen without leaving, first.

 

[EveHarrington]

Good questions! I have NO idea what they need. And I can’t take care of child parts. I only half be...

Ask them what they need. In my experience, they will tell you.

I don’t know if protector parts will back down until they know that self will protect child parts. I think if you don’t believe/protect your child parts, your protectors won’t back down. Can you work on believing your child parts? Someone has to protect the child parts, and since you can’t do it, the protectors have to. Good luck!

 

[Rumors]

Ask them what they need. In my experience, they will tell you.

I don’t know if protector part...

I am just wondering how you connect with child parts or protector parts? For me it is just numbing and avoidance no connection to an inner dialogue.

 

[Suzetig]

Then I get to my car and start shaking. Every time. And more recently shaking and crying

I don’t know about DID, but this sounds like a very normal physical reaction to trauma, shaking and crying is one of the ways the body releases adrenaline after whatever danger has passed - it sounds like talking about the trauma puts your body back into fight or flight in session which, passes when you get to your car and there’s then an adrenaline dump.

I’m not arguing with your sense of how your parts work, DID isn’t something I know a huge amount about but there’s also a physiological reason for what you described in your OP.

 

[NightSky]

I don’t know about DID, but this sounds like a very normal physical reaction to trauma, shaking and c...

Thank you. I do understand that thanks to Peter Levine’s books. I just wonder how to stop that. How to be present in the room vs fight or flight. It doesn’t feel like fight or flight when I’m talking about it with her. It feels like the part of me that does life stays in charge and allows no vulnerability to happen.
I don’t have DID. But IFS and understanding parts and fragmentation has been a really helpful way for me to address my inner experience.

 

[Suzetig]

My sense is you might be pacing things too quickly, I know I need to take things slowly, give myself space in session to feel things because my natural instinct is to get through it quickly because I can say what I need to - which feels important - but it takes space for me to sit with how I feel. To move from head to heart if that makes sense.

Maybe go slower, take time to sit with questions before answering, check how you physically feel before responding. Use silence in the room go let you get out of your cognitive processing and into something more visceral.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I have the same thing happen, I get to the car after some sessions and shake, or want to cry, or dissociate.

I think it is a reaction to intense therapy sessions, for me. Sometimes, it's because I dwell on the content of the session, or the traumas that were focused on. I'm not entirely sure why it happens though.

I do enter fight or flight mode during sessions, I think. I think thats what's happening during sessions, when I get sweaty palms and start to get a fast heartbeat, and my voice gets all shaky and hesitant? I have it happen so often, daily, that I don't know if it's just anxiety or if it's like fight or flight. It is a very physical reaction, there is a lot to it. I have to sit there and try to breathe and get through it. Some days it won't go away, and I'll take valium so I can function, and so I can sleep.