My therapist has decided that my husband is a good man

[Gs172003]

@Sideways it's likely my black and white thinking and not her. I still have a hard time with you can be mostly good or partly good etc etc and not 100% good or bad

 

[Mee]

@Sideways it's likely my black and white thinking and not her. I still have a hard t...

Today my dog and I went out ( yay go me). My dog was amazing all around the town we went to then we went to a friends for coffee and my dog went to ’mark’ inside her house.

Now, that's clearly something my seven y o dog knows not to do and had no need to do but was good all the rwat of the trip. Would you agree this outing should not be written off as total disaster because of the admittedly hideous error? Or is my dog now 100 percent bad? Does this analogy help?

 

[Gs172003]

Today my dog and I went out ( yay go me). My dog was amazing all around the town we went to then we went t...

I guess so

But @Mee what if it wasn't pee but it was your dog bit somebody? ( There's only so many things a dog can do) what then?

 

[Mee]

But @Mee what if it wasn't pee but it was your dog bit somebody? ( There's only so ma...

If my dog bit somebody then would it undo that he otherwise behaved great? It would not undo the steps that needed to be taken .... for protection to society....but would it mean he wasn’t the same dog who cuddled me sweetly and otherwise behaved well ?

And this comes to self love. Pre PTSD and still now logically I do not think I am good or bad .... I think that I am ‘human’ . I half jest that if I break even in life I am doing ok. Sometimes I think if I get through life without killing someone I am doing well ( joke) . But you know, despite my very conscious self work pre PTSD with my integrity and morality I ended up in a precarious place. And for every organic cabbage I eat there is a car journey or the fuel delivering that cabbage to where we buy it ..... breaking even in life aiming for that feels like a tough goal working hard,and it’s a good enough aim for me :) logically :). So how can I ask those I deal with in life to be all good or all bad ? I think EITHER is setting my self up for disappointment. A good person is bound to disappoint or a bad one confuse when they do something good . People are just people and some do some 100 percent evil things.

My dog peeing was probably only 70 percent bad. He knows it’s not acceptable but he’s a dog.... he thinks his pee is a gift to the world and we are mistaken.

 

[Friday]

She told me during my last session with her how he's a good man but she's only met him a couple of times. How does she know?

Any chance she said “He seems like a good man.” Instead of “He’s a good man.” ?

They’re 2 very different statements

If she did that for me who else is she doing that for?

So... this is one of those giant waving red flags, for me. Because it’s the express lane to fantasy land. As in order for making judgement calls about people to be a bad thing, they’d have to be bad calls. So not only have you leapt out of your specific situation into imaginary other people’s situations, and determined that she’s giving them bad advice, but that bad advice then causes a series of other bad things to happen, which cause... see where this is going? 5th gear into catastrophizing about other people’s imaginary lives, and the effect something she may or may not do is having on their lives. :confused:

Now, if it were something like rape/abuse etc.? Yeah. That is one of those things that is universally bad, and if it’s being done to you, you can expect them to be doing it to someone else, and that’s wrong.

Making judgement calls? Sharing opinions or assessments? That can easily be questioned/refuted/talked over? (He’s a good man. // Not really.) (He seems like a good man. // Yeah he’s good at appearing that way. Total bastard in private.) or talked over (He’s a good man. // Yeah, he really is. It’s hard sometimes with ABCDEF.) (He’s a good man. // You think so? Why?) Not in the same universe as rape/assault/abuse/etc. = bad/wrong.

 

[Gs172003]

Any chance she said “He seems like a good man.” Instead of “He’s a good man.” ?

They’re 2 v...

No she said "he's a good man" and told me all the reasons why. But yes, the rest you said is true.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Zoogal - do you disagree with your therapist's view of your husband?

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal - do you disagree with your therapist's view of your husband?

I don't know. That's part of my symptoms.