Unofficially fired, discrimination

[lostforgottensoul]

Not for most psychiatric meds, just FYI (for you and OP). Body weight generally doesn’t come into play for blood/brain barrier meds. Age does (b/c of phases of neurological development and general brain size. But physical mass/weight/height is not related to how those drugs are metabolized. Drugs affecting other body systems are often affected by weight, generally a little, occasionally a lot.

I didn't realize that. Thank you!

BP is quite low, and I was still able to work with it

Mine is as well and I'm able to be on Clondine so I'm sure one can work with Prazosin with low BP. I got a BP machine as my pain dr (my prescribing dr) had me check my BP every day for a week. And give that to him next appintment. Mainly to see if we needed to lower it or take it out completely. My blood pressure stayed level. Though it's in a pain pump being delivered directly into my spinal canal and I'm sure it works differntly. But still, im able to be on it.

my psychiatrist wants to wait for that to get a bit better before starting something else, esp since I’m a little more stable on the clonazepam at night (though it does make me nervous because it is a benzo amd addictive, but I am being careful).

That makes sense.

I'm happy to hear that clonazepam is working! Just take it as prescribed and i think you'll be ok but i'd encourage you to be honest with your pshychitrist if you feel like you're becoming addicted.

To me HIPPA laws aren’t very reassuring since my mother has gotten around them before. I’ve been paying basically everything for therapy out of pocket. I know I eventually have to confront that fear, but for now, too much of my life is already up in the air and I can’t do one more thing.

All very much understandable. I'm positive that if someone got around HIPPA laws I'd be doing the same thing.

 

[LoveTea]

So I was doing ok this week, but I woke up from a nap yesturday and I’ve been a wreck ever since. I can’t stop fixating on all the lies my boss said in that meeting and the fact that the boss I was close to wouldn’t even come. I keep trying to ground, but to minimal success. The only way I made it through the week was surrounding myself with people and I am spending the next 3 days completely alone and next week people are busier because of classes/finals. I can’t go out or do much and I can’t use brain power much because of the concussion and it’s only making it worse. I don’t know how to cope. This downward swing has lasted almost a day and I can barely get off the floor, I can only stop crying for short spurts and even then I can’t stop muttering under my breath. I’m just so overwhelmed. Without the meds, that got me into some serious SI, which has gone away, but this still feels awful.

I’m in a new room which is basically a white box and I’m not comfortable here and I’m hesitant to start because I’m moving again soon and I keep feeling like my homes keep getting ripped away. I don’t know how to feel any stability or security. I just keep repeating I want my mom and I want to go home, but I don’t have a home and my mother doesn’t give a shit about me.

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like you need to mourn the loss of the Mom you never had and will never have (in her).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I just keep repeating I want my mom and I want to go home, but I don’t have a home and my mother doesn’t give a shit about me.

Wanting your mom is a very natural thing. I want my mom and she was a cult leader, tortured me, allowed others to torture me, and now is dead. But I still want my mommy. I want the mom I should have had. That inner child of mine is hurting for a mommy. Crying for my mommy. Screaming for a mommy.

Greiving the loss of a mom is a great start. But I'm not sure that want or need ever goes away. It only stops effecting us so much. We can accept that we dont have the mommy we deserve. Radical acceptance is a wonderful thing.

You deserve a mom that loves you and cares for you and supports you and I'm sorry that, like me, you have never had that and don't have it now. It hurts. I know.

 

[LoveTea]

I’m just so tired of people telling me I’m strong enough do it alone. The people telling me that have seemingly endless support from friends and family. I’m so F-ing tired of doing it alone. I don’t just mean with my PTSD, it seems like I’m doing everything alone. I’ve moved so many times alone. I spend my holidays alone. My friends “praise” me for being clever enough to get out of holidays with my family, but then I am alone. In 3 years I went to one Thanksgiving with a friend and all she kept talking about was how she wanted to be with my former boss at her Thanksgiving. My friends talk as if we are as close as they are with their other friends, but we arn’t. They don’t make any effort for me unless I ask, they don’t remember to include me in anything. They don’t remember my birthday, but they remember everyone else’s. So many people have said they will be my second family, but it feels so one sided. I just feel like people keep telling me to wait my turn, to get out of the way for someone else.

In an immediate crisis sometimes people come, but then they disappear again. I don’t want friends who are just there when I need them. I want people to want me and they just don’t. I try to just chat about things and they tune me out. I ask about them and they don’t tell me anything about themsleves. I don’t know how to gauge relationships without comparing them to others, but people don’t treat me the same (regardless if they know my issues or not). Of course that never works because I will always be let down. I keep being told to just find the right people, but I keep finding people who are great and kind people for years and all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me. I don’t understand what happens. They never tell me. They still talk to my other community of friends and I enevitibly get forced out. That’s what is happening again now. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what keeps happening. Everyone says I’m just alone in my head, but I am actually alone. They grasp at the one person who spoke to me for half an hour 2 weeks ago as if that were enough human interaction.