Feeling like leaving the forum

[ladee]

It's really great that you can see the pattern. That helps a lot in helping you make a choice. You might try taking a break, as opposed to leaving.
I get what you are saying about being exhausted. So am I. So I truly understand.
Will share what I've been doing , and maybe something will help... I took a few days of not coming here. And like @Ronin shared, just did some things that were not recovery related.. some things I had been wanting to do.. I love nature, so I hit the back roads and just tried to relax.. my brain gets soooo tired.

Then I would come back and read around the forum.. tried to read things that were positive and people who were having breakthru's, or go to the funny threads. Nothing heavy. Nothing stressful or triggering... just getting caught up with some people here..

Is it possible there is an anniversary of something coming up? I know Mothers Day is going to be way different for me this year. And would like to avoid, deny, run, do anything but feel what needs to be felt. But it may be a more personal anniversary....

Nothing wrong with taking a break... we just can't do this every single day, day after day and not just get bone weary wore out.

Do you have favorite things you would like to be doing or trying something new right now? Just give it a little thought... the choice is yours.
You will be supported either way... I am slowing down here myself... like you, I just want some peace.

And will remind you again, it is great that you see a pattern. How long were you gone last time before you came back, and what brought you back? you don't have to answer here, but for your own clarity....

Are you going to another level of healing possibly? Sometimes the unknowns about that possibility scares us, but it's not something we consciously own. Not trying to be invasive, just trying to let you have some space to think of what is going on... nothing wrong with taking a break... sometimes our best work is done, alone, at 3 o'clock in the morning, with no one watching or listening...

You are supported, and very proud you reached out for some feedback.. either choice, take care of yourself... I do understand needing peace... pretty sure everyone here does. Gentle hugs if accepted,,, you aren't alone and you are supported.

 

[Gs172003]

It's really great that you can see the pattern. That helps a lot in helping you make a choice. You might...

I don't have alot of memory of my stuff so anniversaries are elusive. I don't remember when I married him and things like that I just remember about when I divorced him based on other things. It makes things sooooo hard when you don't have a "this happened this day and this happened this day". I know what happened, but not alot of details if that makes sense. It was also ongoing. So....there's no telling what the deal is.

I will look and see what brought me back.

After I wrote that post it occurred to me that I had to have married him in the warm months because I wore a short sleeved dress outside but I don't think it was real hot . Maybe that is what my problem is. Maybe this is the time of year I married him. I know my granddaughter is the age my oldest was when I got with him and my oldest is the age I was. Maybe all of this is related. No idea

I also left him twice. Don't remember when the first one was but do the second because that was the same time I got with my now husband.

 

[Gs172003]

See this thread?

Female abuser, male victim

I'm afraid that I am the ex in this thread.

 

[mumstheword]

See this thread?

Female abuser,...

I don't think that you are. The person who started this thread is a much younger man. He isn't old enough to have grandchildren.

His ex was his age, so you see, you couldn't be the ex in this thread.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't think that you...

I don't mean literally. I mean what if I wasn't the one wronged what if I am the one that did the bad things?

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm afraid that I am the ex in this thread.

@Zoogal,

I created that thread. I know you didn't mean to ask whether you are the literal ex (you're not). However, absolutely nothing about you tells me that you are an abusive person. In fact, quite the opposite. I think you have been very, very abused in your life, and it is possible that like me, your abuser told you that YOU were abusing HIM.

For obvious reasons, this is a really horrible, terrible thing to hear.

Even if that didn't happen, the nature of the abuse we've been through twists our brains against ourselves. I think that's what you're going through now. Some days it takes a superhuman effort for me to remember that I am not a terrible person who doesn't deserve to live. Some days I can't remember that at all. But just because I feel that way does not make it true in any way, shape, or form.

You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. It's going to take a lot of hard work to get there. But believe it or not, you deserve it.

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal,

I created that thread. I know you didn't mean to ask whether you are...

Thank you for saying that

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Zoogal, my abuser convinced me that I was the abuser. Many years later I took a sociology course on DV, and I realized that this is one of the patterns of the abuser. I felt so much better. I haven't been around as much, not doing as well as I could, but I have a lot going on in my life. I try to stick to the good stuff too, I am rarely able to read trauma diaries. PTSD is circular. If you feel you might be on a downward side of the circle, what self care things do you have to turn it around? Maybe you are feeling better? I don't know, but I go through this stuff and I always come back up on the other side, so maybe it is just your pattern.

 

[Mee]

That happens a lot. My rapist told me I initiated the sex ( I was asleep) and told others the same.


We can also just get stuff wrong dome times without being abusive. The impact can be bad but it doesn’t make us abusive.


Differences include ( in my opjnion)
1. Not having intent to harm
2. Acknowledging harm ( if anything I am concerned you are over doing this)
3. Apologising and TAKING responsibility for actions yhst harmed
4. Being truthful about where we went wrong and RIGHT.

Every single person in this world he hurt another. Abusers will often fail to acknowledge they have or turn responsibility on others.

Having just read another thread I think this has changed my opinion a little. If you do change something I would suggest only changing one thing. If it's leavjnv here I would double down commitment to therapy for example. Sometimes shuffling things up might help... But it's not all or nothing