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Is this a thing?

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saraemerald

MyPTSD Pro
Growing up under stress as a child, you learn the cues, you become both aware of your surroundings and self aware. You can handle a lot of things at a time. You are good at making sure other's are feeling Ok. Ect. Then you become an adult and engage in self sabotaging behavior! But you used to be a lityle super human! Always keeping everything straight and being strong, and always knowing what to do! Smart in school, helpful to other people and aware of what's going on.
Why would you now!?, as an adult?!, start to engage in stupid! Self sabotaging behavior?! WTH!!!?

Attention? Disappointed that you could be strong when needed but looking around, why weren't THEY strong?! I want to be good and strong and help but why can't they do the same?!!! Do I get screwed over by being loving and strong?! Why can't someone ELSE be loving and strong!? i'm trying to do the right thing by facing and healing my own trauma so I don't take it out on other people. Why can't others do the same?! Oh, I guess they have the excuse when they hurt others, "um, well, I was abused". Um, well, I was too!!!
But seriously, would I use this reasoning to sabotage all the hard work I did iver the years to get to where I did in my life?! Or did I really not have all the support I needed and that's the "excuse" for my self sabotage!??
 
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Gut response without overthinking ....self-sabotage equates to “never enough”. Because that’s what you get brought up to believe of your SELF. Never good/smart/pretty/nice.... enough. Powerlessness feels NORMAL.

Hugs are offered if you would like some :hug:
 
Growing up under stress as a child, you learn the cues, you become both aware of your surroundings...
I can totally relate.
Although I don't think I was that awesome as kid, but since then I've tried so hard to be "super mum" (teen mum to an abusive, much older person).

(((((Hugs))))))):hug::hug::hug: @saraemerald .


I've had to get away from that dynamic though. It get's exhausting:dead::sleep::sorry:
 
Just so you know. Your acceptance of my thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I’ve had the shittiest ti...
Well then, I am sending hugs and love back. I hope you have a better day today.

I can totally relate.
Although I don't think I was that awesome as kid, but since then I've tried s...
When I was a kid, the abuse did affect me of course but I dealt with it by focusing on when I would move out and life would be Ok and away from my abusive parents. I focused really hard from elementary school to do the best I could everyday and prepare myself for moving out and living on my own. I turned some hardships into a game in my head to survive as a child, moved out when I 18 and continued to be as responsible and forward moving as a could as a young adult and focused on forgetting all the yucky stuff and duper focused on self healing and self care and strong prayers and faith in God. And being that I was in a cult, I was also keeping my focus on the "New World" where life would be peaceful and better. Under these conditions, I was able to heal most of my PTSD symptoms including my triggers of anxiety and then, when I got better and started to feel better mentally and physically, I started ruining it, as if I didn't want to feel good and strong mentally and physically
 
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My recovery from the coercitive manipulation I was under my cult has been up and down, with lots of twists and selfsabotage, for the last ten years. It is as if I would had been programed for failing and unhapiness. The de programation, as I call it, is hard and I still strugle with very basic things of Life, like going to the cinema, getting a job, enjoying Life.
As you, I was living waiting for the end of the world to happen. Understanding my fears, studing how the cults work and professional Therapy has helped a lot. It is hard and messy, but the wound is deep.
All my best
 
My recovery from the coercitive manipulation I was under my cult has been up and down, with lots of twis...
Thank you for sharing. I think I was able to heal from a lot of the abuse from my parents because I recognised how they treated me was wrong. But not the cult. I fell for the teachings of the cult, not realising how harmful they actually were and I think that lead to me self-sabotaging. It's harmful when you don't recognise something for what it is, especially when it is teaching you false things about the world around you or causing you to question your self and have self doubt instead of questioning the cult
 
"especially when it is teaching you false things about the world around you or causing you to question your self and have self doubt instead of questioning the cult"
@saraemerald
Yes. Insane, perverse and a fuel for paranoid thoughts :(
 
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