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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Physical relief....finally....after choosing to eat drive-thru french fry-like substances cooked in super cheap oils alongside dead abused animal carcasses the other day thanks to not being prepared with cleaner more body-friendly options.

The strong underarm smell that only appears now if I choose foods that my body can't healthily process.....and here I used to blame those odors on me working too hard or simply sweating too much....HA!....then religiously showered and covered it up daily with highly marketed synthetic stank that was full of further harming/toxic substances so I could claim to be on top of my good hygiene skills AND be sure I was supposedly eating well-rounded meals at least 3 times a day, just as I'd been taught....brilliant......NOT...has completely gone, the overall heavy feeling in my body has passed, and I'm no longer backed up in the elimination arena.

All that from one "small" order of fries. Imagine if I'd ordered the whole combo meal to include even more foreign substances. I used to be a frequent flier at every drive-thru in town for the first 4 decades of my life. Still recovering, and imagine at this point in life, I always will be.
 
After ok day at work and meeting yesterday, relatively cryptic msg I was too late to return to Boss, and on day off, my mind defaults to the worst, since it normally is, esp if left in the form and words she did it's never good, and on my day off. :( :meh: Work in very unfriendly environment. :( Am seriously wondering if sister is right with moving, though it would leave me very isolated, and in a different way it for me.. :( Can't take take the stress in this place, really overwhelmed, depressed, anxious. :( :cry: It shouldn't bring on SI but it does, strongly. :(
 
I am really anxious and have a sense of dread/doom going on, just feeling like something horrible is going to happen, like everything is going to go wrong, like everything has gone wrong... ugh. I'm also just feeling very afraid of my abuser. I am feeling afraid of my own mental state, because this anxiety isn't just going away on its own - the fact I keep being so panicky is making me panic, the fact I am anxious and it's not going away, and it was all triggered by one event basically - is making me anxious.

I need to chill so f*cking bad. I need this to stop so f*cking bad. I wish I could go back to how I was before my therapist read my abuser's communication with her, to me. That wasn't "being normal" but at least that was bearable.

It shouldn't bring on SI but it does, strongly. :(
:hug: I think the stress cup being full with a lot of other things, can make that stuff come on more easily - so it's not abnormal, to have SI get brought on more easily than it usually would be, when you're stressed by multiple things - but eventually, it will pass. Hang in there, you're not alone in having to deal with those SI feelings :( they suck and are horrible, and it can feel f*cking unbearable in the moment. But, it's not forever.
 
@Slushie, by liking it I meant I understand and hope for your healing. I used to feel broken too. Now I embrace myself as I am, the crazy chicken lady.

All that from one "small" order of fries
Amen to that. I don't eat that stuff either, and I got a quick drive through after about 4 years of not eating it, and my son and I felt so sick after. Yuck! Haven't been back since.

Today I'm excited!
 

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