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Undiagnosed Potential ptsd from self inflicted trauma?

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Anyone who's not helpful, you can always press ignore. Disregard what's not helpful and take what i...
Thank you, sorry, I'm not meaning to come across as defensive its just hard for me to talk about this especially because its something that when you boil down to it I chose to do even if I forced myself to do it, so I feel like I could easily get judged for that.
Its kinda ironic I only did it because I didn't think I would be able to get a relationship without it, however moronic that sounds, and now I have trouble forming a healthy one because of it.
 
@mumstheword I mean this as respectfully as possible and is no way a judgement against you and doesnt reflect my opinion of you in general but I feel that you are encouraging the OP in an unhealthy way. Putting ideas into his head about childhood trauma is only going to play into his disordered thinking (for lack of a better term)

The OP needs to be evaluated by a professional, ASAP. What ever mental illness drove him to seek out an escort due to paranoia in the first place is most likely where the focus needs to be.
 
Thank you, sorry, I'm not meaning to come across as defensive its just hard for me to talk about thi...
Yep, we can sell ourselves short with all sorts of ideologies and cognitive distortions. Cut yourself some slack though eh? You can grow from here. It sounds like you are the kind of guy who is not going to be happy with anything shallow and superficial. Regardless of what you can expect from any.kind of labelling, you need to develop a sense of self direction based on a holistic framework, as in learning to listen to what your body is communicating to you, what kinds of distorted thinking and self judgement you are indulging in and what kinds of expectations you have of yourself and others.

You are a young man with lots of life ahead of you, you have plenty of time to assess your fears, health issues and relating styles.

I recommend you keep researching, checking in with your physical sensations, taking note of them so you can track down some wise counsel in RL, develop some understanding in ways that make you feel better about yourself and apply compassion and self forgiveness in regards to acts you deeply regret and that don't resonate with your deepest values and morals.
 
What’s holding you back from getting treatment?
Nothing, I'm literally just waiting until I get done with school in a week to start so I can continue uninterrupted for three months rather than having to find someone new once I get back home, I just did this as a starting point for when I get back not trying to self diagnose in any way or get validation like some people seem to be implying.
 
Dude you have no right to belittle me or my experiences, just because you don't understand what migh...

Number one, I’m not a dude.

Number two, this forum is honest. People don’t sit here and agree blindly as a form of support. Support comes in all forms. It’s not supportive to tell someone they have a disorder they do not qualify for.
 
@mumstheword I mean this as respectfully as possible and is no way a judgement agai...
I think honestly I have my irrational thinking about the past mainly under control, I'm just gonna seek out counsel once I get back home so that I can start healing from the guilt and paranoia and symptoms I have from the event and events I associate with it, again not trying to self diagnose the less sever the condition the better, this isn't something I want to be dealing with.

Number one, I’m not a dude.

Number two, this forum is honest. People don’t sit here and agr...
Dudette I'm not looking for blind support, but honestly I didn't find
Number one, I’m not a dude.

Number two, this forum is honest. People don’t sit here and agr...
Dudette I felt from your comment your were belittling what I had to say and if anything dissuading me from getting treatment or talking to others because what I experienced "wasn't bad enough" for your standards, I don't need you to agree with me, but I didn't post here to be judged on my actions, I can't change what I did in the past only try to do whatever it takes to fix it and ensure a better future.
 
I think honestly I have my irrational thinking about the past mainly under control, I'm just gonna s...

It’s not my standards that you are arguing with. You’re arguing with the DSM standards, you know, the professionals who determine what PTSD actually is, and no, consensual sex cannot ever cause PTSD, no matter how traumatic it was in your mind.

I never said it wasn’t a bad experience, I said it was a sucky life experience that you need therapy to get over.

The thing is, pretty much everyone who comes here undiagnosed and determined to have ptsd doesn’t actually have ptsd. Because those of us who actually have it? We wouldn’t wish it on our worst enemy. We don’t want it! (Why do you want it? You do realize you have this disorder for life, right? There is no cure!) You’re so hung up on having this disorder as a badge of honor to validate your suffering. It doesn’t work that way.

I’m sorry you thought I was belittling you by saying you don’t have PTSD or DID. This just proves my point, you want the label, a mental disorder to show that you’re suffering.

I didn’t judge your actions. You’re assuming I’m judging you for sleeping with an escort, when I’m not. This is the shame you carry. Nobody here is judging you for paying for sex.
 
Great! Have you started to make calls to get an appointment scheduled? Sometimes people can be booke...
Still trying to find the right person, all the different labels/practices, like cognitive behavioral therapy, confuse me and I'm unsure of whether I should do a group setting or one on one, any input would be very appreciated.
 
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