How do you change "plan brain"?

[MrMoonlight]

In my situation it's a control thing too. My therapist calls it "future tripping" and she is trying to convince me it's impossible to anticipate every possible scenario (mine included dialog..sigh). She asks me if my "future tripping" causes more or less stress (more). I'm never completely right in my planning but somehow I "feel" it gives me control over an unpredictable and scarry future.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When do you know that the plan is a good one? How do you measure that?

When I can forsee, if the plan goes to plan and/or all the back up plans back up as they should, that it allows me to survive.

Example: the issue that created the thread. Unable to save enough, fast enough, for a car. My car is old, has almost 200,000 miles on it, a 2001, and anything that could go wrong with a car has gone wrong with it. Except this time I wont have the money to fix it. I had savings for a car but a car accident and my dad leaving abandoning the lease without me being able to know or plan for that happening, took every last dime of my 2 thousand dollar savings. How do I know it's a plan with a more likely "survival rate"? When I can save a few hundred a month or more. $50 a month or maybe $90 a month on MTurk (and that's if I can do it every single day and if I can find work on there that equal at least $3 a day or more) isn't enough. Even if my car lasts me 12 more months. $50 a month isn't enough. $166 a month would be what will get me 2 grand in a year. But then, what's the chance that it'll last a year? And then what's my plan then if I can't buy a car? I'll save the car insurence but money for a bus and ability to walk bus stop to bus stop? I can barely make it into the shower most days. I dont think I can make it to the bus stop and most especially 4 a day (one to get on the one at home and one to get off to work and back again). Theres a disability transport bus that I can look into but when I did so the last time I didnt have a car, I wasn't able to get approved for it. My dad was living in Orlando back them. 30 mins away from me and he was loaning me his car for doctors and I lived 5 min walking distance from work (closer then the bus stop) and that's not the case anymore. He lives 45 mins now and is less willing to help now. I'll be on my own for it. I also was in less pain and could do a lot more back then.

So, when do I say that's enough? When I can piece together a pretty good rough draft plan and can say this has a likely chance of working. Also, if my car dies today, a back up alternate plan that I can carry out that can get me to and from work and to and from Drs. Hell, my pain pump HAS to be filled. Its deadly if its allowed to run dry. My pain dr is in Orlando. A 30 min drive down 1-4. To take a bus there would take over 8 hrs and many walks to MANY bus stops. Theres no way. But my main concern is work. And I know no one. I don't know if my job will allow me to send a mass email asking about a car pool. I can ask. But do you see what I'm saying?

Oh, lord the panic now. Too much talking or thinking about it sends my body into over drive panic because there isn't an answer. There isn't a plan. I don't make enough and I cannot figure out a way to make enough. I saved 50 lousy dollars this month. That's not enough! I didn't mean to get into all of that here. But I hope that answers it.

 

[scout86]

Too much talking or thinking about it sends my body into over drive panic because there isn't an answer.

There is a saying that, when you're digging yourself into a hole, the solution is to put the shovel down and stop digging. I know there's a real problem and you'd like a viable solution. What you're actually doing here, though, is continuing to dig in the same hole, or chasing yourself around in a circle, however you want to look at it. That is NOT useful and that's the point where you should consider stopping. Stopping the going in circles thing that is, because it isn't actually problem solving.

Personally? When I see that I'm doing that (and I can), I notice and then tell myself I need to look for something completely different.

I'm going to suggest something completely different, knowing full well you probably won't like it.

Part of my personal theory of survival is "Rich people have money, poor people have friends". For real. You're pretty isolated. I get that you have reasons, but you might want to consider expanding your horizons a bit. Maybe there are other people at your work who would LIKE the idea of a car pool? Maybe HR would let you post a sign in the break room or something. Who knows? You don't have to present this as "bailing Lost out of a jam", it can be helping out all concerned. If there are people in your area, you ALL could save yourselves some money by ride sharing. And you'd get to meet a few actual humans in real life. (They aren't ALL dangerous, only some of them.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You're pretty isolated. I get that you have reasons, but you might want to consider expanding your horizons a bit.

Been trying to do that for 9 yrs in therapy. Have actually tried everything suggested by my therapist. None of them I could do but I did try hard at each one. My therapist is always saying how hard I am trying. That he can tell I am trying really hard but still i couldnt seem to do anything suggested. That's why he found this site. Now, with a service dog, that's another story and one huge reason he agreed I needed a service dog. With him I've been able to actually talk back to the public and converse with them. On a bad day I still can't but on my best day before a service dog i couldnt. I couldnt, for the life of me, stop this constant search for exit plans if someone tried to hurt me. That is very exhuasting and I think related to "plan brain". It's a constant plan of where im going to go and what im going to do if someone tried to hurt me. Which changes constantly and very quicklt due to me and the public moving around a place. So, its very quick changing exit plans. I haven't been able to control it. I have learned how to calm it in a place with just one or two people but I haven't been able to calm it with more people and usually there are more people.

With a service dog, that all changes. Its why I never trained "enviromental scanning" out of him and require way less "check ins" then most service dog handlers. When he's with me I watch him. Watching him and his body language to alert me to people stops it completely. I watch him thus don't need to make exit plans. And over time I have been able to trust him and us as a team and been able to open up a tad bit with the public on good days. Not enough to make friends though. And still, without him, I go back to the constant exit plan, on high alert, brain. I can't help it or control it. I'm not going to say I can't change it as I'm sure I can but I haven't been able to yet. It's survival mode and it's deeply embedded. I grew up this way and that's very hard to change.

Since Chopper isn't fully trained yet he doesn't go to work with me. Meaning I'm in that high alert exit plan state all day at work. It was hard enough to get Seriquel XR and Xanax balanced enough where I wasn't freaking out on customers due to it but not so chilled out I was falling asleep. That took a very long time. About a year just to balance medication. To ask me to open up to co-workers without my service dog is asking a lot. I struggle with just speaking to my sup and PTSD shows up a lot in my behavior at work. It's impossible to hide it. A lot of management has already guessed I have PTSD. That's not good but it is what it is. It's enough for me to stay employed. To ride with some stranger I don't know without my service dog is asking a lot. I'll ask my sup. We don't have a bullentin board or a place to put information like that and sending an email department wise is not allowed. The best I could do is send an email to my team but will need to ask my sup first and I don't think anyone on my team shares my schedule or even close to. No one works Sundays on my team but me. My schedule was forced changed due Medtronics Infusion pain pump medications now expiring in 72 hrs which was a change via the FDA. My days off were changed due to that. They have been struggling to find me a sup that shares enough of the same schedule. 3 sups in the last 6 months and I still only work 3 of the same days as my current sup and am in another team's monthly meetings. If im going to find someone willing to car pool, it will likely have to be someone on another team. Which means I need upper management (my sup's sup) to me ok with me sending an email out department wide thus more people will be aware I will be carless. And, currently with my score card the way it is, I'm not doing Spectrum any favors as an employee. I do not want to be a squeeky wheel and give them a reason to let me go.

Please don't think I'm not trying or am making excuses. I wouldn't of dumped all of this time, energy, and money into a service dog if that were the case. But, to ask me to suddenly start talking to people and making friends, without a service dog, is asking a lot. Again, I'm not saying it's impossible. And I will try but I have been trying for 9 yrs. It's a super thick brick wall that I've been chipping away at for 9 yrs. So, it's something that I'm already trying to do. It's just very hard to change the way my brain works. A service dog is the only thing that made huge marked improvements. But still, when he isn't with me we go back to contant non-stopping exit plans.

Maybe it's hard for most to understand. The way my brain works. But its how its always worked.

 

[Suzetig]

There’s a very big difference between planning and panicking. In one case you look calmly at what might happen, look at the options open to you and decide which are feasible, preferable and realistic. In the other you go over and over a situation in your mind, predicting the worst possible outcome of every eventuality and blinding yourself to all other outcomes.

I don’t hear you planning, I see a lot of panic - which isn’t intended as a criticism at all - I recognise it because I can easily get into that mindset myself.

I like @Friday’s time out suggestion. The other thing I do is follow the “what ifs” all the way to the end. So, what if loose my job, I look for another one, what if I can’t find one, I have no money, what if I have no money, I can’t pay my mortgage, or feed my kids, I’ll end up on the streets and so on and so on - literally go the point where I’ve seen myself starving and dying on the streets. Then, I go back and look at a the supports and safety nets I already have - family and friends who would never let me end up on the streets, social programmes to keep my kids safe, my own resources, skills and talents. Then I look at what I could work on now to make things as secure as they can be. Once I’ve done all of that, I force myself to let it rest.

That means actively managing my thought life, letting the worrying thoughts pass like traffic on a road, distracting myself, using mindfulness etc etc but reminding myself I’ve done all I can. If I think there’s more I can do (as in I can identify a resource I’ve missed), I’ll give that some space but I can’t go back to the original issue.

I do also give myself some clear time in the day to feel it - to let myself feel the anxiety and panic, to cry or be scared or sad or whatever. And I remind myself that anxiety is a very natural response to some situations and it’s ok to feel worry and stress about X, that many people would feel the same way. That lets me move through the feelings and renengage my brain and logical thought processes.

 

[shimmerz]

I suggest a start time and end time each day when you’re doing your planning. Give it an hour. Maybe two in a day. But put it to a box and put the box away and focus on other things after the predetermined timeframe. If you can’t do that I feel like that’s panic mode. That”s different from planning.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don’t hear you planning, I see a lot of panic

I can agree with that.

I suggest a start time and end time each day when you’re doing your planning. Given an hour. Maybe too. But couldn’t find it to a box and put the box away and focus on other things.

Will try that.

If you can’t do that I feel like that’s a panic mode that’s different from planning.

Ok, how do you change panic mode? I agree its panic. It feels like panic up to hysterics. And I'm sure a lot of it is irrational. But how do you change that without a feasable plan that you can piece together? Ive always had this type of mindset but it only changes once I can piece together a plan.

Furthermore, I am kicking myself for not allowing my dad to renew the lease with me. That was my descion and I'm now thinking I made the wrong one.

 

[Friday]

Ok, how do you change panic mode?

You stop.

Like training a dog. They want to go bouncing off barking and chasing things when you’re walking on leash, do you just let them until they’re all done, and worn out, and feel like walking? Or do you stop them, have them stand/heel & get centered again, and start walking? Ditto they take two steps and then want to zoom off, do you let them, or bring them back to center? And back to center again, and again, until they “get” that now is not racing off time, but walking time?

 

[Suzetig]

Absolutely agree with the above - you’ll never sort panic with planning - they’re two completely different processes. Planning is a cognitive, rational process and panic is a somatic, emotional one. You need to bring yourself from your heart back to your head. So, grounding exercises, breathing exercises, mindfulness - whatever is in your usual toolkit for things like flashbacks.

Once you’re back in your own head you can look st planning and problem solving but that part of your brain simply isn’t available to you when you’re panicking.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Or do you stop them, have them stand/heel & get centered again, and start walking? Ditto they take two steps and then want to zoom off, do you let them, or bring them back to center? And back to center again, and again, until they “get” that now is not racing off time, but walking time?

your brain simply isn’t available to you when you’re panicking.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks guys!

 

[shimmerz]

Ok, how do you change panic mode?

By remembering that it is right now. There is no crisis yet. I find the time warp adds to my anxiety. Because anxiety is to me, the scramble that I do when I anticipate something drastic is going to happen. I really have to keep reminding myself that the crisis hasn't hit yet.

Also, I have realized that there never is a perfect plan, no matter how much I want there to be. Because I don't know what or if or how or when it is going to happen.

I wonder if looking at it as an exercise in recognizing that you have no financial cushion only would be something less triggery to look at than making it all about your car. And please, don't get me wrong, I know how incredibly important a car is. I feel like I am going to be annihilated if I lose my car, which is why I have to re-frame.

 

[scout86]

I'm not actually asking you to do anything, except to consider the possibility. That seems like the first step. I get that this stuff is hard, believe me. Something my T has suggested is practicing conversations with people in my head. With assorted possible outcomes. (You can even imagine then with different voices. He keeps suggesting Minnie Mouse. :rolleyes:

I've never worked at a call center. I've worked in a couple of factory type jobs. Are there people who typically arrive when you do? Do you walk in with the same person somewhat frequently? If so, say "hi" or "good morning" or something. Pick someone who strikes you as potentially nice or safe. Doesn't matter what criteria you use, make it as easy as you can. This isn't the kind of thing that's going to commit you to an ongoing relationship with the person. It's just something that will let them see you noticed they were there. (Most people like that.) Baby steps?

You know that a PTSD diagnosis entitles you to some accommodations, right? There are, for sure, pluses and minuses to being honest, but I wonder if it wouldn't be better, and easier for you, to be more transparent about your diagnosis?