Relationship Obsession with time?

[caligirl03]

Sorry everyone, I know I've been posting a lot lately. But has anyone else noticed an obsession with time, especially when it comes to sleep?

My guy and I were supposed to get together tonight, and he pulled the plug at the last minute because he thought 7pm was "too late" (even though we had dinner at 9pm the other night), and he didn't want to only hang out for a couple hours. When I asked why we'd only hang out for a couple of hours, he said he wanted to be home "well before midnight" so he could take some time to get to sleep. I know he's been having some sleep issues lately, but is considering 7pm too late on a Friday night a little extreme?

Trying my best to be understanding and accommodating here!

To add to that, after he said he couldn't hang out anymore he called me back to say that we need to talk. When I said ok he changed his mind and said he no longer felt like it. When I asked if everything was ok, he said "I guess we'll see." Then when I flat out asked him if he was having doubts or unsure about us he said no. Ok...? We've been getting along fine so I don't know what the heck reason there could be to need to have a serious talk about? Could his lack of sleep be throwing him off right now??

Update: Oh wow he just texted to tell me he's been feeling depressed since Memorial Day. Help me please! What can I say, what can I do that would be at all helpful to him?

 

[EveHarrington]

“I am here for you. Is there anything I can do for you?”

If “no”

“Ok, if you need anything, you can reach out to me at any time.”

 

[OrangeJulius]

My honey is definitely not obssessed with time. If those conversations transpired between me and him, I would assume he wasn't feeling up to it and used bed as an excuse. And when I get texts like that I ask if he wants to talk about it. He usually says no. Then I ask if I can do anything for him and make suggestions like bringing him dinner, a backrub, stiff drink. Then he says no. And then I say to let me know if he changes his mind. He says ok. And then he either disappears or gets chatty about unrelated things.

I find that its best when you dont know what to do or say to ask wgat they want you to do or say that you don't know what to say but you're there.

 

[LuckiLee]

Memorial day is always hard for my Vet. He's just now bouncing back from it. Just give him the space he needs right now. I'm sure he's not able to pretend he's ok. He probably doesn't want you to be affected by it. Just let him know you're there when he feels better and if he wants to talk? Just listen!

Good luck!

P.S. Be prepared for The fourth of July, Veterans day, 9/11, etc. I'm sure he has many more anniversary dates in there too.

✌

 

[Sweetpea76]

Oh yeah... we're climbing out of the Memorial Day funk over here too.

 

[Freida]

we're climbing out of the Memorial Day funk ove

Me too!

 

[Friday]

If I’m remembering right, you have a little one? If so... do you remember getting fiercely protective of naptime & sleeping at night? Not all parents have that, but most go through a couple years where they’re willing to claw the eyeballs out of anyone (or pass on fun plans) for the opportunity to sleep, however slim. Regardless of what day of the week it is.

It’s a lot like that... but less under control. Because you can’t hire a babysitter when you need a break.

@Freida
<snicker> So... this was my convo with my T on Wednesday

- So is Memorial Day a thing for you?
- Nah. Not really.
- So what did you do?
- Got blind drunk on Saturday. No. Sunday. I don’t remember what I did Saturday. Or Friday. Or most of last week, I guess? Monday I was kept nice and busy dealing with the after effects of Sunday. So that was good.
- This is you not being affected by Memorial Day?
- Yep. I’m totally fine.

I also think I forgot to eat for a few days, my sleep is still extra jacked, appear to have streamed 6 seasons of a show I don’t remember watching, and the SI & fog are still pissing me off...

So in retrospect, while I meant what I said at the time... because when things are bad, they’re worse... I may not have been wellest the past couple weeks. :whistling:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep... it's not Memorial Day at all. He's just been running on beer, cigarettes and old Iraq pictures for a week. I think we finally had our first fully formed conversation Thursday evening. But Memorial Day doesn't have shit to do with it... even though it doesn't have shit to do with it every year.

 

[LuckiLee]

It stir's the pot.

 

[FragileGlass]

I don’t think it’s so much an obsession of time as it is an awareness of his emotions and how he responds to it if he’s feeling tired or out of energy, or knowing that he doesn’t want to be somewhere far from being able to shut down and just sleep it off.

Personally, I don’t like going far from my home when I’m tired, emotional, reactionary, anxious and on edge in general. It’s easier for me to hit my max capacity and just hit bed. Whereas if I’m out in a social setting, a whole bunch of problems will arise in a fight to get away. As a sufferer, I hate when people can see me struggling. Especially as everyone knows that professionally I respond to crisis and emergency situations. The last thing I want them to see is me melting down when I’m overwhelmed. I want them to see the rock. Not the little tiny flimsy sticks holding the rock up.

 

[LuckiLee]

Excellent point @FragileGlass! J's not really a fan of being out late at night. He'd rather be home before dark. His trauma always happened at night so it's obviously a trigger. Bad sh*t happened at night! We do go out at night but I know alot of the time he'd rather not. If he's not feeling well he stays home. And that's fine by me. Why stress him out which in turn stresses me out?

When we get home it takes him a bit to feel relaxed. He has to go through certain things to get to that place. Most people? They get to come home, plop on the couch and sigh in relief to be home. Nope. Not J. It's exhausting for him to keep symptoms under control sometimes so going out can cause more sh*t and it's not worth it.

We've been doing this a while. I'm used to him changing his mind about things. I know he'd do it if he could. And I know he'd do anything for me. That's all that matters. Right? And when I know he's struggling I'm fine with doing nothing. Silence is golden!

I hope that made some sense.

 

[caligirl03]

Thanks for your insight, everyone! It's really helpful. Now he keeps asking if I like being with him over and over--at least 3 times just this morning. And while I do get emotionally drained from his rollercoaster of emotions, I just keep reiterating yes and leave it at that.