Nicolette
I was really hoping I didn't offend you. I am very very sorry and hope that this will not have an effect on our being cordial and sharing information in future discussions.
I may have put too much emphasis on the loss of the child. I really wasn't sure if the incident above is what caused your PTSD. Now that you have responded, I realize that there may have been physical abuse as well and my response may have appeared insensitive, for that I apologize.
PTSD immobilized me at three major points in my life. I learned in therapy that if we hold on to it, that it grows like a cancer. During good times, our PTSD is in remission. Anything can disrupt that including being contacted by your abuser. That could cause major disruptions.
The reason I am saying all of this is because PTSD is not prejudice and it sometimes causes us to act outside of the ordinary. As a veteran, I happen to know that one thing a lot of the male sufferers do is beat the hell out of their girlfriends and wives. Its just one of many of the symptoms of their disease. My therapist told me its the fight or flight mode. Some fight, some take a flight. Everyone hurts the people who are the closest to them. Some people suffer from PTSD from things that happened when they were kids and can't remember. Something that is traumatic to me might not be traumatic to you at all. I am very sorry, it just sounded like you both were traumatized by the experience of losing a child. The fact that you already had a living child to come home to could have even been more devasting if this were his first and he made a desicion both of you obvious regret.
I cannot excuse some of the things that I have done to myself as the result of having PTSD and I just really feel for all sufferers. In discussing our trauma with others, we always stand a chance that someone will not see things in the same light. In therapy, we are asked not to discuss anything specific with anyone other than our therapist, especially if one is sensitive.
While in inpatient therapy, some of our sessions were on the same floor at the same time as male sufferers. I had to accept the fact that some of these guys were abusers and was forced to comfront my worse fears. As far as abortion, its easier on guys when the woman totally makes the decision on her own. Then there is someone else to blame. But to contribute.... Someone in this forum told Brittany that it is not PTSD until much later on after the trauma.
I commend you and Brittany for being able to share your trauma in this forum. You have accomplished something that I probably will never be able to do.
I'm probably not going to be putting much more into these posts anymore because I don't want to offend anyone. But in closing, I am only stating that if you already had children, and he had none - even if you both made the decision to abort - you still had a kid to come home to and he didn't. Trauma.
Once he told you he regretted it, you both needed therapy. He probably took the loss hard and probably blames your for letting him talk you into it.
Ptsd takes on different forms to different people. At the point when he realized he made a mistake and took flight - you became his abuser.
Holding on to the Past Trauma causes serious problems later on in life.
