How to feel rage in a controlled way?

[ILoveLife]

Morning guys.

So, there's this intense anger at pretty much everything that happened to me that I bottle up. Then let it out in stupid things like chopping boards out place and forks in the wrong drawer.

It's being said (T, people here...) that I need to really feel it. Yikes! I really don't want to.
Afraid of exploding at who is not at fault, my mom and friends.

I thought of taking a few days to myself and go somewhere, but I don't think it works on command so it could be pointless and waste my time, feeling trapped in the middle of nowhere and it all becoming a worse situation.

So... Questions:
Tips to control potential outbursts?
Do I really need to feel it?
Can I just roll into a ball and play dead instead?

Thanks in advance

 

[Rani G2]

So, there's this intense anger at pretty much everything that happened to me that I bottle up.

Get this... its quite tough.. its good to find a safe outlet??!

Tips to control potential outbursts?

I control it in or try to...in letting rage internally BE, meaning I have a name to that voice, and I ask her things or confront her internally. Other than that, I do weight training and martial arts that helps too..

Then let it out in stupid things like chopping boards out place and forks in the wrong drawer.

Yes, I think no need to say it as you already know...it's a shifting to another area.

I usually get aggressive and show it too if needed. I personally see my rage as a good thing as I feel there is a huge amount of energy...

 

[MyWillow]

I’m not one to ask. Just lost my shit with my OH. Which part of “I need to talk to you about my rough week (first psydoc appt) and please don’t eat, walk away or check your phone during this conversation” didn’t he get. Outburst. Cried. Swore some more. He got it eventually. So maybe rage isn’t all bad. Sorry @Sietz - projecting a little too much. Hope you’re ok xxx

 

[Swift]

I'm not mad about the term "need to feel it"'... like, that's 100% my shit...
Most of the people who've told me I 'need' to feel something have no idea what that particular thing feels like, so what sort of insanity they're suggesting I feel, and thus can take a long walk off a short pier. But that's not about anyone here.
Question is, what happens if you don't allow yourself to feel it?
Like... can you survive, physically, or psychologically, if you don't "really feel it?"
For me it got to a point that the answer was "no" - I was gonna do myself serious damage if I didn't address my rage as a legit thing. Dissociative me still tends to break itself if I don't actually process my rage. Or acknowledge it. (Last count: 11 weeks, 2 bones smashed, 1 operation. This is what happens when I don't process my shit. Many other bones over the years. Lots of my favourite ornaments.) It also likes to hide my shit in the wrong spots.

As for controlling.... I kind of go with "containment" rather than control. I don't know that rage, or at least my rage, is a particularly controlled emotion. It's like anger's blind cousin for me. What works is containment, for me.

I plan to feel angry, think about the shit I'm angry about, for a certain period of time. Oil pastels, tearing paper, generally making a mess of a page,,but drawing with an absolute fury seems to be the way that works best. What I end up drawing also surprises me.
Also, loud music. Swearing. Oh, so much swearing. Current rage track is Halsey's "Don't Play", which says "mothaf*cka don't play with me" about 5 times. Damien Rice's "Rootless Tree" is quite possibly the best song for that mood. "Black me out" by Against Me!, contains the word whore for those bothered by that, but "black me out, I wanna piss on the walls of your house" is a lyric I can get behind.

I find if I don't give myself a time limit I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex with no way out. Like, it functions to let me deal with it but not feel like I'm being totally sucked in. It's a bit of a lifeline to the shore of sanity. I set a buzzer on my phone.

If anyone else has any tips I could sure use them!

 

[ILoveLife]

I personally see my rage as a good thing as I feel there is a huge amount of energy...

maybe rage isn’t all bad.

I agree.
I think I may be looking at myself with the "insane in the membrane" lens, afraid of the outcome of a rather natural emotion given the circumstances.

containment

Perfect word.
Drawing, writing, creative outlets seem like a good exercise for me.
Music has been triggering stuff lately, anger mixed with shame. Might try to analyse it further down the line.

Thanks girls. :hug:

 

[MyWillow]

Swearing is awesome. f*cking awesome even lol

Containment is a great descriptive.

All power to you @Sietz

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Friday]

I don’t do “sad”.

It’s an uncontrollable emotion for me.

Ditto, I don’t do “tears”.

That’s an uncontrollable reaction to an uncontrollable emotion, for me.

When most people say sad? They don’t mean completely shattered, twisted into a ball of pure limitless pain. Nor when they say cry, do they mean 3 days straight of nonstop tears (literally, not on again and off again, crying/bawling at full force for days.) I do.

I have veeeeeery good reason why I don’t “do” sadness and tears.

Yes... I know you said rage. ;)

Rage, in all its permutations, is something very familiar to me; and I have years, and years, and years worth of self control, discipline, practice, technique, coping mechanisms, & failsafes built into how I react to rage. Even when the emotion itself is uncontrollable, my reactions are very much under my control at -nearly- all times.

I would personally need that level of self control built into / around being sad before I willingly came at it. So that’s my suggestion for rage, as well. Rig the safety nets and harnesses before flying the trapeze. Not after you’re already hurtling towards the ground. There’s no time to do that shit in free fall.

 

[ILoveLife]

Rig the safety nets and harnesses before flying the trapeze.

Good suggestion.
Was thinking of something like karate.
I tried self defense classes and it did help.

 

[ladee]

This is an old school way to release some rage. I went to yard sales and got old plates for cheap, a stack for 50cents, ect... Where I was living had a shed out back.. I took those plates, and there were a lot of them.. and a hammer... and I started breaking those plates, and saying what ever came to mind.... very satisfying to hear that glass breaking. And to have those words coming out of my mouth directed at the person I needed to say all those words to.

Not recommended for everyone.. :eek: but had been acting out my rage in ways that was hurting others. Because all I felt was rage. It had to go somewhere neutral. Where I didn't get hurt or hurt any one else...because 'containing' or ' self discipline' was so far out of reach at the time, that I had to do something. This made sense to me... may not help but I know the release I got from that was worth every swing of that hammer...

 

[ILoveLife]

I was thinking about your suggestion @ladee, which seems awesome and very much like something I could do.
I do not however have a safe and appropriate place to do it.

And it's more like, I have it inside me, but its not about to burst out or anything.

Using @Swift's word, its contained. Problem is, too much. :alien:

But thanks though... :hug: appreciate it

 

[grit]

What I no longer do is avoid or ignore. For the longest time, I felt anger or rage instead of many other feelings cause that was all I knew.
Rage in the body is painful for short and long term. I used to push it subconsciously into my soft tissue like my stomach. Now I pushed it consciously into my muscle tissue, it goes then to my skin and nerves system and woosh all over tinkling in my whole body and goes out.

I did it two ways (not sure it works for everybody) and I am still sometimes suprised how deep my rage was cause it is never over! but I am recognizing it is coming up much better than let me say 20 years ago or even 5 years ago.

I did boxing for 6 years. Simple boxing but with intention of hitting the bag with rage inside - no one needed to know. I also did a lot of weight lifting.
I walk a lot in nature and think about my rage and analyze it myself why and how and just let it stay with me. have conversation with it.
I tell people I have rage (it takes away the shame and the heaviness attached to it). People I trust obviously.
I talked about it in length in therapy so say I have had rage or i feel rage. The more I talked about it the more other clusters of feelings that were lost in rage come up and boom all of sudden I am not talking about rage but sadness, deep loss, grief, lost of innocence or potential or health etc. Then I can digest those feelings so much easier.

These are some of the things I did or still do. I do not know for sure it will work for everybody. I face it rather than hide it. It takes the stink out of it!

rage was so debilitating for me I could not sustain it for my old age.

good luck.

I was thinking about your suggestion @ladee, which seems awesome and very much like so...

Not sure where you live in the world but there are rage rooms now and it is really fun to have a group of people and just go bananas!
Maybe not for a real rage but even humor rage is good in my book.

I was thinking about your suggestion @ladee, which seems awesome and very much like so...

or axe throwing games !!! my last post for this....just came to me!

 

[ILoveLife]

rage rooms

I never heard a about them here, but I've read about them elsewhere.
It would be cool, I'll try and find one here.
Good suggestion.