Am i too much for my therapist

[Iamsensative]

Hi my friends. Not sure if any of you feel this way. I am close to my therapist, not in love but i truly care for him. I have never been able to have a relationship with a man than was not abusive. I am in a really bad time in my life, my adult son has been diagnosed with a rare cancer and as much as i still cant believe this, i may lose him. If any of you have dealt with someone going through cancer, you know the pain and suffering a person who has it goes through and what the people who love them go through. My therapist has been wonderful and supportive but i know he has been down this road before with his father. I dont want to make anyone experience this, i dont want to put that type of pressure on him. I do not want to be too much. I am already experiencing being disconnected from my body, floating, flashbacks and thats besides the constant anxiety and depression. My son is in so much pain and the cancer is spreading, trials we be our only option. How do i get help without feeling like i am dragging people into this whole with me. I know this is going to hurt like hell and i dont want to be too much, too needy. I am hoping this makes sense, my therapist and i have walked a very painful road and i am a better person for it. But this is my son, the only reason i am alive today. Its more than the past, its all of me, my very being. I cant help but feel i shouldn't share this, i shouldn't allow anyone to walk with me through this.

 

[Harmonics]

Hi my friends. Not sure if any of you feel this way. I am close to my therapist, not in love but i...

While I understand your feelings of concern for your T, it is your T's responsibility to take care of their own feelings. If you try to be your T's caretaker, the therapy won't be effective. Sometimes my T has to remind me of that. I tend to be a caregiver, but in therapy, I don't have to worry about my T's feelings. Even though you feel it is unfair to put your T through this, the reality is that your T went into this profession to help people walk through these type of life events. And because your T has personal experience with a family member with cancer, your T may be better able to assist you as you walk through these difficult days. You are going to need lots of good self-care to get through all this, and that means getting the care you need without having to always be the one caring for others.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m so sorry your son has cancer. That’s so painful. I’ve lost people close me to cancer. It’s hard.

My therapist has been wonderful and supportive but i know he has been down this road before with his father. I dont want to make anyone experience this,

You can’t actually make him experience it. It’s his choice.

Additionally, this is his job, not yours, to work out what he is and isn’t able to do, and to walk with people through deep pain. It’s not your job to define it for him. His job is a little bit harder if you try to do it for him.

Have you shared these concerns with your therapist?

I cant help but feel i shouldn't share this, i shouldn't allow anyone to walk with me through this.

This seems like a message from someone in the past, perhaps an abuser, that you internalized and not agree with them that you are unworthy of support.

It’s simply untrue.

As much as you can, try to challenge these distorted thoughts with truth: you are deserving of support.

 

[Friday]

I cant help but feel i shouldn't share this, i shouldn't allow anyone to walk with me through this.

That’s the benefit of a professional relationship. You don’t have to protect your T, like you might protect friends/family, who would be in deeply over the heads. Good therapists? They’re perfectly capable of protecting themselves. They swim these waters for a living. This? Is what they DO. It’s what they’re good at. Let them flex those muscles for you.

 

[Teamwork]

It may also help if you add to the t. As cancer surrounds us and so do the support people for that disease. Hospital social worker or cancer support groups may be able to pair you up with additional support. Our ts are not around and cannot support us at all times and if concern for him means you are less likely to share, then add to your team. Its all fine and well to be aware of his stuff but sometimes when we are overwhelmed we cant work on everything. Right now working on protecting would be super difficult as that may also come up in your feelings towards your son. The reality is, there are some things we dont want to offload to the t and thats okay. Cancer support people know about mental health issues and know a fair it too.

 

[grit]

first and foremost, I am sorry about your son. I empathize your fear and scare in your writing. I hope you stay strong for his recovery and going through this.

On my second comment, it is possible your therapist actually prefers to deal and work with people who have cancer or a loved has cancer BECAUSE precisely he went through similar experience so in fact, you are lucky to have a therapist who can fully support you in this difficult time. if the therapist feels this is too close to home, then he would have said something by now. I think take a deep breathe and let this good therapist support you during your son's journey so you can save your energy fully for him not adding worries for the T.

Wishing your son well and you peace.