Other Noticing psychosis - when do i step in?

[Swift]

Thanks.
I do care, but she has a medical team and a supportive family who she lives with and know her signs well, probably better than me on second-hand information.
She's also had positive, rather than negative, experiences with the police and hospitals.

It's really hard for me not to rush in and try to fix this, to trust in everyone else's judgement and ability to handle the situation, but I haven't spoken to her or her supporters in five years, and I don't think I'm going to do her any good by rushing in guns blazing.

Her mum is a great nurse, my best mate I would trust him and his judgement til the ends of the earth.

If I were closer to the situation, or if she didn't have safeguards in place, I'd respond differently.

While she's recovering, which she's probably going to be, does anyone have any tips on how best to support her?

 

[ILoveLife]

While she's recovering, which she's probably going to be, does anyone have any tips on how best to support her?

She will know best.
But absolutely no judgement or attempts to analyse what went through her head are basic tips. But I don't think you'd do either.

 

[Justmehere]

Since she has supporters who know how to get help, she isn’t in direct contact with you, I think it’s good of you to step back. Totally ok to compare notes about her behavior, but be careful to not get pulled into it - being an ex, your having contact with her, even supportive indirect contact, may not help the situation.

J doesn't seem to want to be in contact with me, but is sending my best mate things to send to me, I'm uncomfortable with her making him play the middle man and so is he. She doesn't have great boundaries, which is worse when she's unwell.

It may be time for *you* to establish some boundaries to end the triangulation, especially since both her and your best mate don’t have great boundaries right now. Triangulation of ex’es is a good way to distract ones self and to distract supporters from the real issues.

I’d consider gently shutting down the triangulation by letting him know, that it would helpful if he didn’t continue to pass on messages. (If you need to be more firm, be more firm.) This may help demonstrate boundaries and help everyone who is in direct contact with her focus back on getting help for her. Not just playing along with the illness.

I have an uncle who is schizophrenic and when he slips back into psychosis, I’ve got boundaries of steel with everyone around him - it’s been the best way for all of us to get him back to help and getting meds and other care sorted out. It’s not a lack of compassion, but rather redirected compassion.

 

[Swift]

@Justmehere, thanks. He's told her not to send stuff through him to me, I've told him not to send stuff from her to me, and he's told me and her that he isn't comfortable being the middle man and I totally agree, but even if I didn't that's his decision to make, but I've expressed I don't want him playing middle man unless it's life threatening or she wants help getting to hospital. He hasn't actually passed anything on because we've both been like "nah, that's bullshit", and if she wants to talk to me she can do it directly, it's not like I'm stopping her, but if she starts to create drama I'm out. If she needed my help in an urgent way, like if her mum was out of town or if she was out and about and actively suicidal, or she needed a lift to the hospital or whatever, I'm sure someone would let me know. But... I'm not going to stick my nose in unless I'm asked. I don't think it's unreasonable to be worried, but I do think it's unreasonable to stick my nose in just because I'm worried if I haven't been asked to and there's no active danger to J or anyone else.

@Sietz, right on. It seriously wouldn't cross my mind to ask her, I get that people are curious but I think it would be entirely unsupportive and selfish to ask her for any sort of detail, much less ask her to explain her experience to me for my own selfish reasons. "never let your tact get the better of your curiousity" is one of my rules for life.

I don't want to support her in my capacity as her ex if that makes any sense. I'd want to support her like I'd support anyone having a bad time. The ex bit is only relevant because it means I know what she's told me to look out for, and I know when she's just being dramatic (she is a bit prone to that) and when she's actually unwell.

It sounds like she's stabilised a bit, I'd gather she's upped her antipsychotics.
Thanks for all the replies, folk.