New therapist, how many sessions to decide?

[FauxLiz]

I have had two sessions with a new therapist and I am struggling to figure out how/when I will know if this will work. I think part of the challenge is that we are currently doing telehealth video sessions so it is hard to get a true sense of how I feel about him. Add to that during our entire session today I couldn't stop staring at his doctoral diploma as he seems to have attended the same program as my previous therapist and I avoided looking at that therapist by staring at his diploma.

We talked today about having a face to face session but we ran really short on time and were only able to schedule another tele session. I am feeling really adrift having terminated with my previous T and I don't want to just attach to someone that can't really help simply because I am looking for pieces and parts of previous T.

 

[MyWillow]

Oh my but I really feel for you. So much upheaval of late. Personally I would HAVE to do a face to face session first. And maybe 2 or 3 considering what a solid relationship you had with your last T. I could not handle an online session at all so you have my deep admiration. Can you book a face to face as a priority next session?

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you @MyWillow. After posting this yesterday I tried to tell myself not to think about this situation as the uncertainty and confusion are getting to a point that they really interfere with my ability to do anything else. When I woke up this morning I realized that my first priority is going to be getting one or two face to face sessions scheduled asap. I need to move forward and right now I am just not feeling like that is working this way.

 

[blackemerald1]

he seems to have attended the same program as my previous therapist and I avoided looking at that therapist by staring at his diploma.

@FauxLiz ^^ Isn't your previous therapist the one that you have just terminated with and didn't he do a fairly good job? Sorry I'm confused

 

[FauxLiz]

@blackemerald1 yes my previous is the one that I just terminated with due to a move and we worked well together but I was never able to look him in the eye so I stared at his diploma on an opposite wall. Now I find with the new therapist I am staring at his diploma behind him rather than making eye contact as well. This avoidance as well as the reminder of my previous therapist is making it difficult for me to fully engage in the sessions. I worry that I am not evaluating the new therapist for what he can do for me (he actually has significantly more trauma experience than previous) but I am afraid I am choosing this therapist not for our ability to work well together but for the comfort and familiarity that I presume as they graduated from the same program.

 

[grit]

Hi Fauxliz

I am no expert on therapy and I have my own issues with them but I notice two things about your post:

First is you are great for noticing your avoidance of eye contact, really important and you are noticing you may be bringing your old therapist to the new one so in essence, you may not be fully seeing your new therapist for who he is. this is also great!

I am just thinking how hard it is truly to find a good therapist, so I wonder if you would benefit by just bringing this two issues to him by just saying, I do not have good eye contact with you or my last therapist. I looked at your diploma and see how he process this with you. To me (outside person) it sounds this will be safe discussion since it is not about relationship but a body part - eyes and eye contact.
The other issue of you bringing last therapist to this one (if I read you correctly), might be harder to bring up but it may be worth because I think this is sort of touches attachment issues and may even trigger great insights from your past.

I hope this helps. I am sorry if misunderstand you.

 

[FauxLiz]

@grit thanks for the input it does help. It will be easier to bring the eye contact issue up as I am certain he has noticed by now. In part because of the way I am positioning the web cam so that while I can see what is behind him on my screen all he sees is a side view.

As for attachment I think that has been pretty obvious in our first two sessions including my reluctance to detach from previous therapist. I find myself bringing up the differences in approach, boundaries and communication. I am really beginning to believe that this may not work for me using telehealth. I hope that it does because where I live now is at least 90 minutes from mental health providers which can be difficult and prohibitive while working full time but I will see where things lead.

 

[grit]

If this is any help, and I am struggling similar situation, I think what we (as clients) think is obvious is not to the therapist. So even though you think your attachment issues are so obvious to him after couple sessions, it may or may not.

I think to be safe if you feel that way, it may be even OK to say you missed your old therapist. That can be true for you and yet sharing it with him so he knows and after it is uttered, there are other changes that are not foreseeable to us now. It may shed light or not.

Anyhow, you are on the right track noticing what you need to work on.

 

[blackemerald1]

Thanks for clarifying. I think possibly two sessions is just too soon. Can you mix it up with some in person sessions for a while?

Sometimes I don't make eye contact...particularly if we get into difficult areas. There is a picture on the wall that I seem to get absorbed by... lol

Give it some more time and let other aspects of your life settle down too. :hug:

 

[FauxLiz]

So on my way back from taking my son to college I thought I would take a chance and see if new T had any openings for late afternoon so we could meet face to face. As luck would have it he did so even though I knew it may make me late for a meeting at home this evening I took it.

Now I am more confused and uncertain than before. I know I wasn't in my best emotional state dealing with all the empty nest/dropping kid off at school but it felt so formal. He was asking about my SI and when I didn't want to talk about it his response was he doesn't like the topic either but he would be negligent if he didn't ask every session and "though he cares about me he cares about his family and won't take the risk". It was like rules and procedures and bluntness are more important that building the therapeutic relationship and a bit of finesse.

 

[MyWillow]

It’s very confronting isn’t it. Sorry it’s so rough. My psydoc was similarly about the processes in the first session. But I think it’s important that they DO ask the tough stuff. Things other Ts avoid.

I would give it a few more face to face sessions personally. Give yourself and this T a fair chance. Given how difficult it is for me to let my guard down that’s what I’d do. Take care x

 

[FauxLiz]

@MyWillow I understand the need to ask the question my previous T would do a check in every session it just was never so blunt and it never felt as though he was so concerned about his personal well being that that he would institute procedures for commitment at the drop of a hat. I walked out feeling like I would just lie to him in the future and say it wasn't happening rather than be honest so we could have a conversation about the true seriousness of the SI. I don't want to lie to my T but I also don't want to put my freedom at risk for an over zealous T.