How Many Sessions To Know If T Is "right" For You?

[Deleted member 29920]

When you go to a new therapist how many sessions does it take you to know if your therapist is right for you and to build up a working alliance with them?

 

[Tanishq]

If I were to go new therapist, Um, I would take my time. It depends on therapist's pace and my pace,too. It can take longer than I could think. Like couple of months. Personally I would prefer longer because it tends to stay strong and help to build up the work.

Be patience. This can do a lot, I guess. :)

 

[qwyoey]

For me, just one. We did a short phone call before the initial appointment and I could see already that it was a good fit. However I probably looked through online listings for ages and ages. It hit a point where I determined the best therapists weren't taking insurance, and I wanted someone solely dedicated to trauma work.

 

[digger]

how many sessions does it take you to know if your therapist is right for you and to build up a working alliance with them?

To feel that she was 'right' for me and someone I potentially could work with - probably within the first couple of sessions. Actually building up a working alliance with her - still building it two years down the line.

 

[Leah Morgan]

I would go with one or two

 

[falling_wave]

For me I get a general idea of how our personalities match in the first session. Actually on the first phone consultation I felt pretty at ease with mine. That was just a general sense of I'm ok with her though and not a great rapport or connection. I think the first 4 months or so was testing the waters a bit. I opened a lot and shared every week but did not disclose deeply shameful things that were constant in my mind. I also ocassionally would feel mad at my T for minimal slights or my perception of how she reacted to what I told her. I didn't let this on to her but it was trust building and getting used to how each other operates. I think by 6 months of weekly therapy I felt entirely connected and trusting enough to share the deeply shameful stuff and have hard conversations. I had also seen progress by then so I trusted more in her abilities. I still feel shame or embarrassment with certain things. It's not always easy but the trust and connection is fully there.

 

[Crow]

I could tell the not-good therapists within 3 sessions. Their lack of ability to get my humor was key. The two long-term therapists I've worked with, one I knew immediately was okay and my current T it took several years to get that equilibrium but I had a gut feeling she could help me the first session. And she has.

 

[mrsps]

The therapist I am working with now I knew in the first session that she was going to be a good fit for me. I am pretty good at reading people and I could just tell in the first session what a kind and gentle person she was and she explained everything and made me feel at ease. I am so so very lucky to have such an amazing T

 

[ghotiff]

For me it was when we had a misunderstanding, and then how she handled it that made me confident of the fit. I think that was our third session.

 

[barefoot]

I've only ever had one therapist and didn't shop around speaking to others on the phone etc. I went to see her the first time and knew I wanted to see her again. The first few months was a lot about us building our relationship with me deciding whether I thought she was credible, whether I felt comfortable with her (which was difficult to decide for a while because because the whole idea of therapy and the process of talking about myself was very uncomfortable - but I realised that the discomfort wasn't to do with her) whether I really trusted her etc.

I've now been seeing her for a year and our relationship has really developed and she is really important to me. My discomfort around the whole therapy process is still very much there - I still hate sitting there talking about how I feel. But she tries to make it as comfortable as she can – she's very intuitive and will discreetly make adjustments to herself/the space/how we're working try to give me what I need. We're both very honest with each other and talk very openly about what's going on in our relationship/our energy/the space and I think that really helps.

I've recently posted elsewhere that my relationship with her feels a bit rocky at the moment, just because of how I'm feeling and how I'm reacting to those feelings. But even though it feels rocky and uncomfortable, I hasn't crossed my mind not to see her. And I know part of the answer is that I need to talk to her about what's going on. And, uncomfortable as that may be, I'm pretty sure I'll feel much better after discussing it with her and that conversation will probably strengthen our relationship further.

I feel very lucky to have her because I know I wouldn't have gone to some of the places we've gone to if it had been with someone else who didn't feel so 'right'.