BlueWeepingRose
Silver Member
Anytime I get a trigger, I'm full of anxiety and I can't think straight at all. Today I got triggered and I have no idea how it started. But anytime I get triggered, it's always goes back to when I was with my ex boyfriend. So I think I should express how I feel a little bit today, to help myself.
I'm not with my ex boyfriend anymore the one who's abused me mentally, sexually and verbally for years. I'm so glad that I got out. I hate living in the past, though anytime I get a trigger I feel like I'm back there once again. He's abusive and loves playing mind games. Ignoring me, ignoring me in front of his friends, he only paid attention to me when he wanted too or when he truly needed me. It was always on his terms. He expected me to drop everything for him and if I didn't, I'd get abused further by emotional black mail or some other tactic. For so long I put up with it, because we did have some good days and than I thought to myself that it's me simply being paranoid. It was impossible for me to think straight the longer I stayed with him. Now I'm aware that I was being abused and lied to by him.
The entire time I was with him, he was cheating on me and seeing another girl, I had a feeling deep down about it and of course he always denied it. He would tell me how crazy I was and that I needed help. He would crack jokes about the medication I was taking or he would mention how it looked like I was gaining weight. He would do anything he could to make me feel bad about myself. Him ignoring me drove me crazy. We'd be in the same room together and he wouldn't even look my way or acknowledge me. I'd get upset with him and of course his friend came over since he invited him over. I didn't expect him to inform me that he was coming over, yet he never told me anything. He didn't feel as he needed to tell me anything, yet I had to tell him everything and if I didn't, he'd always get angry and end up yelling at me, "You're cheating on me!!!!" At this point, I'd be crying and sobbing. His friend would be confused and of course he'd tell them that I had issues and needed help.
Once his friend left he would try to apologize to me and the way he treated me changed. He got sweet, soft and apologized to me for ignoring me. That he simply was upset with me. In the end we would patch things up. This would go on and on like a vicious cycle and eventually I would think and pick up on things. Sometimes I would get so confused and anytime I'd be thinking he actually looked scared, "What you thinking about?" He'd do anything to distract me from thinking. Once I caught onto him and caught onto his lies, he was angry. I was always replaced with another woman and of course I was to blame. Yet he was the one who always made me cry cause he abused me and put me down. Verbally, Mentally, Sexually and so forth. He lied, spread rumors about me and said how crazy I was to his friends. He simply wasn't the man I fell in love with. I'm sure there's others out here who can relate to me and I did get out of the relationship. I'm happy about that, but every so often I get full of anxiety and he immediately comes to my mind. ?
I'm not with my ex boyfriend anymore the one who's abused me mentally, sexually and verbally for years. I'm so glad that I got out. I hate living in the past, though anytime I get a trigger I feel like I'm back there once again. He's abusive and loves playing mind games. Ignoring me, ignoring me in front of his friends, he only paid attention to me when he wanted too or when he truly needed me. It was always on his terms. He expected me to drop everything for him and if I didn't, I'd get abused further by emotional black mail or some other tactic. For so long I put up with it, because we did have some good days and than I thought to myself that it's me simply being paranoid. It was impossible for me to think straight the longer I stayed with him. Now I'm aware that I was being abused and lied to by him.
The entire time I was with him, he was cheating on me and seeing another girl, I had a feeling deep down about it and of course he always denied it. He would tell me how crazy I was and that I needed help. He would crack jokes about the medication I was taking or he would mention how it looked like I was gaining weight. He would do anything he could to make me feel bad about myself. Him ignoring me drove me crazy. We'd be in the same room together and he wouldn't even look my way or acknowledge me. I'd get upset with him and of course his friend came over since he invited him over. I didn't expect him to inform me that he was coming over, yet he never told me anything. He didn't feel as he needed to tell me anything, yet I had to tell him everything and if I didn't, he'd always get angry and end up yelling at me, "You're cheating on me!!!!" At this point, I'd be crying and sobbing. His friend would be confused and of course he'd tell them that I had issues and needed help.
Once his friend left he would try to apologize to me and the way he treated me changed. He got sweet, soft and apologized to me for ignoring me. That he simply was upset with me. In the end we would patch things up. This would go on and on like a vicious cycle and eventually I would think and pick up on things. Sometimes I would get so confused and anytime I'd be thinking he actually looked scared, "What you thinking about?" He'd do anything to distract me from thinking. Once I caught onto him and caught onto his lies, he was angry. I was always replaced with another woman and of course I was to blame. Yet he was the one who always made me cry cause he abused me and put me down. Verbally, Mentally, Sexually and so forth. He lied, spread rumors about me and said how crazy I was to his friends. He simply wasn't the man I fell in love with. I'm sure there's others out here who can relate to me and I did get out of the relationship. I'm happy about that, but every so often I get full of anxiety and he immediately comes to my mind. ?
