Feelings go numb, then what?

[EveHarrington]

I was triggered by something my boyfriend did and it triggered a numbing episode. We talked through it and he promised to try and no do that (triggering thing) around me anymore. I told him that my feelings are numb, and to just think of them as being hidden for the time being, until I feel safe again. So the next day he came over to my house unannounced, uninvited, and I went into panic again. I don’t EVER want people just showing up at my house as it’s a safety concern living out in the middle of nowhere.

The numbness just keeps getting worse. I went from caring about him with that 5% of emotions I had left, to now being totally numb and not caring at all. I don’t think we are together right now. Part of me just wishes he’d go find a nice normal woman to be with who can make him happy.

I don’t know what to do.

 

[ILoveLife]

Just a thought... and don't get me wrong here, please.

Maybe you're freaking out with the idea of being in an actual relationship, which means some spontaneity and surprises and lots of work to make it, well.. work! ... and you're not handling it all that well?

Takes two to tango, and seems like a lot of drama in the beginning of the relationship. Even with PTSD, it doesn't have to be this way, right?

I do think what he did broke some trust you had in him that will take some time to rebuild. And I do think he's aware of it, hence showing up unnannounced to make you a surprise, wishing you'd be happy to see him.

It's the same thing your T told you the last time, to put ourselves in the shoes of those without the disorder and try to see things from their perspective. That's all we can do to make any relationship work, isn't it? PTSD or no PTSD.

Hope you're taking good care of yourself. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Just a thought... and don't get me wrong here, please.

Maybe you're freaking out with the idea of being in an actual relationship, which means some spontaneity and surprises and lots of work to make it, well.. work! ... and you're not handling it all that well?

Takes two to tango, and seems like a lot of drama in the beginning of the relationship. Even with PTSD, it doesn't have to be this way, right?

I do think what he did broke some trust you had in him that will take some time to rebuild. And I do think he's aware of it, hence showing up unnannounced to make you a surprise, wishing you'd be happy to see him.

It's the same thing your T told you the last time, to put ourselves in the shoes of those without the disorder and try to see things from their perspective. That's all we can do to make any relationship work, isn't it? PTSD or no PTSD.

Hope you're taking good care of yourself. :hug:

It was like this.

I TOLD him I had to spend the afternoon doing work.

I asked him if he wanted to go out to dinner.

He suggested 5pm (to go out with others) but I said that was WAY too early because I had work to do. (I work from home.)

He agreed and said later would be fine. I even told him I had to take a shower. We did not agree on a time to meet or even that he would come to my house to pick me up. (His texting was sporadic and he was very slow to answer texts, hence why no details were ironed out).

Next thing I know he’s pulling into my driveway. I’m literally sitting in the middle of all of my work and filthy from doing work all day long.

I’m not sure how he could not understand that this wouldn’t be a fun surprise.

Moving dinner back only a half hour wasn’t exactly a smart move given that I said 5pm was way too early.

I don’t show up at his workplace while he is busy!

This wasn’t just “some fun surprise”. This was him showing up and assuming I would just drop everything to go out with him.

This is just another asshole guy who won’t LISTEN to me when I tell him something. This is not me being stupid and freaking out about a fun surprise that I should have just accepted. Hell no. I was working and he knew it. He knew I was busy until later. I don’t ask him to just take off work for me because I want him to!

 

[ILoveLife]

What did he say when he arrived?
Did he ask you to drop everything?

 

[Freida]

The numb phase is tough. I still run into it with hubby when I'm triggered or overstressed. We just have to wait it out until I come back on line. sometimes it takes a hour - sometimes a couple weeks. It really depends on where I am when I get triggered.

 

[EveHarrington]

We just have to wait it out until I come back on line.

I think you’re lucky to have found someone who will wait.

I don’t think he will.

I’m numb. I can’t feel emotions. I can’t express emotions. I’m dealing with 24/7 dissociation.

I feel like I’m just stringing him along, as the future is uncertain.

Is that even fair?

And then there’s the part where this is bound to repeat.

Is it fair to put someone through that over and over again?

 

[EveHarrington]

What did he say when he arrived?
Did he ask you to drop everything?

He saw that I was upset and just said he was leaving and he’d see me on Sunday. Now I had my evening plans canceled as well as him assuming I’d have time to see him on Sunday. (I didn’t.)

 

[ILoveLife]

Maybe have a talk about beginning a better communication between both of you? How to lay plans in a way that you both understand what the other is saying... What time schedules are preferable for both... etc?

I think it's worth the shot, maybe working on the relationship and feeling you're doing something towards being in a better place will help feel more grounded in reality and not so dissociated?

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe have a talk about beginning a better communication between both of you? How to lay plans in a way that you both understand what the other is saying... What time schedules are preferable for both... etc?

I think it's worth the shot, maybe working on the relationship and feeling you're doing something towards being in a better place will help feel more grounded in reality and not so dissociated?

I could try.

I’m just at a place where I’m numb and don’t care. He gets upset when I won’t be physical with him which just makes me want to run away more.

It just seems like I shycut contact completely as it’s not fair to him that I am numb.

 

[ILoveLife]

He needs to know this, if he doesn't... Working together is better than despairing alone..

 

[Freida]

Is it fair to put someone through that over and over again?

yep. Because it's how I'm wired. I can't change it. So if he is choosing to be in my life he is accepting this is part of who I am

He needs to know this, if he doesn't... Working together is better than despairing alone..

This ^^ is how we make it work. We communicate.

 

[EveHarrington]

He needs to know this, if he doesn't... Working together is better than despairing alone..

He knows all this and thinks it's for me to fix on my own. He refuses to work with me and gets mad when I'm too numb for sex.