Combat vet help

[kelfarms]

Need advise... was dating a Combat Vet. One day we’re fine then he had a Birthday and suddenly I’m ghosted. I pushed not understanding what he needed. I pushed him and he has eliminated me from his life. I have strong feelings for him, but I’m afraid It’s to late.

 

[HopefulD]

Need advise... was dating a Combat Vet. One day we’re fine then he had a Birthday and suddenly I’m ghosted. I pushed not understanding what he needed. I pushed him and he has eliminated me from his life. I have strong feelings for him, but I’m afraid It’s to late.

Same situation here. Only mine is a repeat ghost. As soon as he gets close emotionally he starts to pull back. Then poof he's cut me off and he's gone. I feel your pain.

 

[kelfarms]

Same situation here. Only mine is a repeat ghost. As soon as he gets close emotionally he starts to pull back. Then poof he's cut me off and he's gone. I feel your pain.

How long does it take for him to come back?

 

[HopefulD]

How long does it take for him to come back?

In my case the first time a few weeks and he replied angrily to my email. Note to self, combat vet J thrives on anger, don't poke the bear. Few months later home on break everything was great. Repeat cycle. Finally I said I know my self worth and this isn't working for me. Fast forward almost 2 years. He spends better part of 6 mos emailing me while working in sandbox and then once home stateside. Agree to meet, phenomenal reconnection. Alot of discussion. Grew very close. He went back to the sandbox and close to the return time he started with the I can't give you what you want or need. Pulled back and cut me off completely. He needs help but hasn't reached out for it yet. I'm hopeful he will soon.

 

[Murphy17]

I am so sorry that you are both going through this. I've been riding the PTSD roller coaster for about three years now with my vet. He's isolating now and has been for about a month. As you both know, a relationship with a sufferer is not for the faint of heart. It can be extremely difficult to keep a cool head during these times - but please remember to take care of yourselves (you know the saying about putting your oxygen mask on first). I hope you both find some comfort and peace from reading the experiences of other supporters on this forum. I know it helps me immensely to know that I'm not the only one out there trying to wrestle with the nasty animal that is PTSD.

 

[HopefulD]

I am so sorry that you are both going through this. I've been riding the PTSD roller coaster for about three years now with my vet. He's isolating now and has been for about a month. As you both know, a relationship with a sufferer is not for the faint of heart. It can be extremely difficult to keep a cool head during these times - but please remember to take care of yourselves (you know the saying about putting your oxygen mask on first). I hope you both find some comfort and peace from reading the experiences of other supporters on this forum. I know it helps me immensely to know that I'm not the only one out there trying to wrestle with the nasty animal that is PTSD.

Absolutely have found answers and support here. At this point I have been treating him with empathy and compassion. The anger was years ago. I understand alot more about his PTSD and how it differs from my own. Also approaching with empathy and compassion and patience. Those are much more important than shame blame and interrogation.

 

[anon1234]

I am so sorry that you are both going through this. I've been riding the PTSD roller coaster for about three years now with my vet. He's isolating now and has been for about a month. As you both know, a relationship with a sufferer is not for the faint of heart. It can be extremely difficult to keep a cool head during these times - but please remember to take care of yourselves (you know the saying about putting your oxygen mask on first). I hope you both find some comfort and peace from reading the experiences of other supporters on this forum. I know it helps me immensely to know that I'm not the only one out there trying to wrestle with the nasty animal that is PTSD.

One month here too. I try to exercise and meditate during these periods and keep socializing with friends. First time this happened, I thought it was completely over. Then he came back. I’m not saying I am going to be able to do this forever, we need to work on some boundaries if we are to move forward, but I’m 1 1/2 years in and if I hadn’t come across this forum, I wouldn’t have my relationship at all.

 

[kelfarms]

I am so sorry that you are both going through this. I've been riding the PTSD roller coaster for about three years now with my vet. He's isolating now and has been for about a month. As you both know, a relationship with a sufferer is not for the faint of heart. It can be extremely difficult to keep a cool head during these times - but please remember to take care of yourselves (you know the saying about putting your oxygen mask on first). I hope you both find some comfort and peace from reading the experiences of other supporters on this forum. I know it helps me immensely to know that I'm not the only one out there trying to wrestle with the nasty animal that is PTSD.

Thank you, I didn’t understand what was going on till it was to late. I’ve educated myself and no I know what I could have done. I want him to know this, but afraid he will never return. The trigger was I told him that I loved him.

 

[Murphy17]

I didn't understand PTSD in the beginning, either. I feel like I've read enough information on it to sink a ship, but it still is so hard to understand! These people that we love can be so amazing, and then the PTSD monster rears its ugly head...another supporter on this forum once said that being in a relationship with a sufferer is like walking blindfolded through a field of rakes. I think we all understand that analogy perfectly!

Hugs to you!

 

[Murphy17]

One month here too. I try to exercise and meditate during these periods and keep socializing with friends. First time this happened, I thought it was completely over. Then he came back. I’m not saying I am going to be able to do this forever, we need to work on some boundaries if we are to move forward, but I’m 1 1/2 years in and if I hadn’t come across this forum, I wouldn’t have my relationship at all.

Amen to all that you said! And if I hadn't come across this forum, I wouldn't have my mind at all :-)

 

[kelfarms]

I didn't understand PTSD in the beginning, either. I feel like I've read enough information on it to sink a ship, but it still is so hard to understand! These people that we love can be so amazing, and then the PTSD monster rears its ugly head...another supporter on this forum once said that being in a relationship with a sufferer is like walking blindfolded through a field of rakes. I think we all understand that analogy perfectly!

Hugs to you!

In your experience when they isolate its best to leave them alone. I want to write him a letter telling him I get it. I’m not sure it will help or make it worse

 

[Murphy17]

In your experience when they isolate its best to leave them alone. I want to write him a letter telling him I get it. I’m not sure it will help or make it worse

In my experience, with my vet, it's best to leave him alone when he isolates. However, everyone is different. I don't think writing your guy a letter explaining that you've got a better understanding of what he's going through would be a bad thing if you keep it short, let him know you're there if he needs anything, and keep it upbeat. And don't stress out (ha) if you don't get a reply. From what I understand, part of isolation is being in survival mode, which doesn't leave much energy for anything else except, well, surviving. Best of luck!