Other No one understands what I am going through, nor do they believe me that I have PTSD - please help!

[Deleted member 44069]

I have tried to seek support about this from several therapists, I feel really desperate and hopeless. I was abused on and off, on an online forum, for about two years. I did not know I was being traumatized at the time because no one believed me. Nor did I realize it was a sociopath who was doing this. I have written about it numerous times, it's hard to process and there's too much. It feels like my guts have been all ripped and spilled out and people don't understand why can't I just get over it?

Empathic people are natural targets for sociopaths - protect yourself -- Sott.net

I also have BPD which makes it hard for me to deal with invalidation because it feels like I am dying.

I was messed with and abused repeatedly on this forum where I made myself vulnerable, the sociopath convinced me that I deserved the abuse. The first time I felt traumatized, people laughed at me, so I thought maybe I am just making this up, I shouldn't believe myself. I was on there for two years.

People in my life don't understand it, I even showed what was done to me and my brother basically said it wasn't abuse and people with a thicker skin could basically take it. She was clearly being verbally abusive, emotionally assaulting me and I couldn't defend myself because she was trying to harm me and I didn't have time to process because every time I made myself vulnerable she was continuously trying to harm me, maliciously invalidate me and make me look bad on purpose.

I feel like people don't believe me because of the stigma associated with BPD. She drove me into a place I have never been in and made me look bad, and now I am losing the sense of self that I had. I have had horrendous nightmares every single day for months and months on end, after I left the forum. Horrible, gory, ones. I am attracting the wrong kinds of people, I am trying very hard but they don't believe me, and I feel like I deserve to be treated cruelly.

My father thinks I am being "wretched." He wants me to get over it. I have written about the whole ordeal several times, people even tried to make it sound like "maybe a forum jsut isn't a good place for you and people are mean," undermining what was done to me, how calculated and horrendously cruel it was.

No one believes me, I feel like I have been traumatized in a way I can't seem to recover from. I see danger everywhere, and I didn't before, not like this. No therapist understands me, and they even failed to see while I was being traumatized, that that is what was going on. The last one even told me I cannot have PTSD if my life hasn't literally been in danger.

I feel ashamed because I am made to feel like my vulnerability and trauma means no one will respect me, that it's weak and cringeworthy and unattractive. I have had all my friendships be broken because people don't understand what I am going through, I was horribly abused. I don't know what to do. I have reached to everyone (mental health professionals), my family, people online, friends, even crisis lines. None of them believe me. I don't know what to do.

I feel hopeless, and this isn't me, what this trauma has made of me, this isn't who I am but people believe that because people believe the worst about those with BPD. But they don't understand, I have never done anything like this before, I was manipulated and forced into that state of behavior. I don't go around calling anyone 'narcissistic' (in fact I never have because I don't let narcissists into my life) or 'abusive' (only once, by mistake, and that was because my friend was insisting person X was being abusive but thinking over it later I thought that wasn't correct) contrary to what people might believe about those with BPD, but because of the abuse I was forced into that state of mind because no one believed me that I was being abused, and some even laughed at me. I don't know how to process any of this, I feel like I am screaming into a void.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Rose, So sorry that you are suffering. Its good that you are in therapy.

If the person physically sexually or physically assaulted you, threatened to kill/assualt or sexually assualt you in a way that could have actually happened (knew your address and details and did something to show they had physical access to you then you certainly may have developed PTS from this. You can look at Criterion A if you want. If you have had any of these prior to this in your life then its important to tell your therapist and can be relevant.

If it was verbal manipulation and abuse, that type of Little t Trauma, then it can't cause PTSD (the specific types above are in the diagnostic requirements) so I truly hope you wont continue to try to put it under that umbrella and rather focus on the things that will really help you heal. It doesn't mean you havent been harmed. Just not this type of harm. Honestly,if that is the case, ptsd diagnoses is never going to happen from anyone knowledgeable or professional. It doesnt invalidate what happened to you though.

Really a lot of what you discuss here sounds like things directly related to BPD in a real way. Not in a way where you make anything up. The way to address it is to talk about what happened with your t, you can even do EMDR if needed, and then work on the underlying things that make us all vulnerable. The interpersonal sensitivity, the identity issues etc. Those are real and you deserve help for them. What happened to you was real too.

I would also look at how to help invalidation injuries. That is a real thing too and far than alone when it comes to it. Don't know if you ever read Martha Linemans thoughts on invalidation and BPD.

 

[Deleted member 44069]

Really a lot of what you discuss here sounds like things directly related to BPD in a real way. Not in a way where you make anything up. The way to address it is to talk about what happened with your t, you can even do EMDR if needed, and then work on the underlying things that make us all vulnerable. The interpersonal sensitivity, the identity issues etc. Those are real and you deserve help for them. What happened to you was real too.

Could you please elaborate what you mean here? Do you mean to say that the abuse by the sociopath shouldn't warrant what happened to me and that it was my BPD that is to blame there? If I am misunderstanding, please feel free to elaborate.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Rose, ?
No worries. Happy to do so. Being harmed by someone who manipulates you verbally and psychologically, sets you up to humiliate you etc is absolutely harmful and no wonder you have been affected by it.

If you have BPD then all that really is is a diagnoses to describe certain real vulnerabilities in the way we relate to ourselves and other people. I have had had ways I relate to other people and myself that made me vulnerable.

An example: if one of the vulnerable spots we have is self identity then someone being verbally abusive to us is going to cause harm in that particular area in a real way more than in someone who has a solid self identity to start. Our sense of who we are is damaged after. Make sense?

Another silly analogy: If I have developed a problem with my wrist early in my life because of various hereditary and environmental factors then I play a grueling tennis match now, I am likely going to injure my wrist so much by the end of it that I will need physio for a year. My opponent? They have never had any wrist problems. At the end of the match they are exhausted, achy, dehydrated, They have a couple of physio sessions and have a twinge for a few weeks and then are fine. Both are real and legitimate responses considering the context.

WHat to do about that? Go and do the physio, do massage for the wrist, read up about wrist injuries, do strengthening exercises - all so that the wrist will become so strong that the next time I have to use it I can get through the event and recover more quickly in a real way. If I have another injury which stops me being able to know if I am causing harm to my wrist and then stopping a match there and then - then I need to work on that too.

 

[Deleted member 44069]

I just wanted to say this because it’s important. I had made it clear that invalidation was triggering to me and I think it was quite obvious that it makes me feel like I’m going to die.

This individual purposely manipulated me by scaring me (provoking me while I’m vulnerable, other ‘subtle thing’) until she found a window to horrendously verbally assault me and convince everyone I was to blame etc. - the article I share goes into how sociopaths scheme and manipulate and abuse others. I get really hurt when people imply that it was my own sensitivity when I don’t think it is decent to abuse someone period, let alone abuse them in a way where it brings up previous trauma, manipulate them etc (I didn’t realize at the time I was being manipulated, I am not good at spotting those things).

It really hurts me and makes me feel like I’m screaming into a void again. And makes this situation worse for me. I don’t think it’s because of my sensitivity; it’s because of what was done to me and that is not being recognized. Sociopaths know your vulnerabilities and they use those specifically to abuse you and target you.

 

[Abstract]

Totally agree many sociopaths pick up on our vulnerable areas and hone in on them in a way where they hope to wreek the most harm on us possible. It is extremely upsetting to be on the receiving end of calculated intended harm.

 

[Deleted member 44069]

Totally agree many sociopaths pick up on our vulnerable areas and hone in on them in a way where they hope to wreek the most harm on us possible. It is extremely upsetting to be on the receiving end of calculated intended harm.

I guess my main concern with that approach is that when someone starts commenting on my vulnerabilities, they seem to be saying that what the sociopath did wasn’t exactly wrong. Or that is how I interpret it. That I shouldn’t have been sensitive to begin with. But I don’t think I did anything wrong by trusting people and opening up and being vulnerable. I don’t think it’s fair to blame my sensitivity for what was clearly a calculated attempt to cause trauma and the resulting years of trying to recover from it and what it has done to me, my place in the world etc.

It makes me feel like they are saying that the sociopath wasn’t in the wrong or that the harm was ‘accidental’ or something like that, instead of the harm caused to me being valid given what was done to me.

She laughed at me while I was being traumatized, saying I was funny, and liking my posts where I was sharing how horribly abused and traumatized I had been feeling (though at the time I didn’t realize exactly what I was going through).

 

[Abstract]

One thing that I found really helpful that may help you is the idea that two different things can be true at the same time. They can be. One doesn't neccesarily undermine or negate the other. Something can be truly legitimate while there are still other factors involved.

I have invalidation injuries as well. They are much improved now thank goodness. Understand how certain things can feel like they are attacking our core self.

 

[grit]

Rose for a Heart,

I hope you are OK. You are human and deserve love and respect and listening to just like everybody else in the world. Your conditions, history or any other ailments do make you be treated any different. I am sorry you have had and still have people in your life who do not hear you or understand you or blame things on you.
Everything you write is believable and true and I heard you.

Hope you are well and hope you do not lose hope in finding peace and overcoming these people.

 

[joeylittle]

It makes me feel like they are saying that the sociopath wasn’t in the wrong or that the harm was ‘accidental’ or something like that, instead of the harm caused to me being valid given what was done to me.

Sounds like the harm was purposeful. And, it sounds like you were affected by it deeply. I can see why you'd consider it to be traumatic.

Experiencing trauma doesn't necessarily lead to having PTSD. You can have horrible nightmares, obsessive/rumanitive thoughts, all sorts of things...and not have PTSD.

Using the current criteria for diagnosing PTSD, your experience would likely not qualify.

I say 'likely' because, (a) I'm not a doctor, and (b) there's a great deal about PTSD that is understood, but also a lot that is still yet to be determined (scientifically speaking).

I also have BPD which makes it hard for me to deal with invalidation because it feels like I am dying.

The best advice I'd give is, start working on the BPD symptoms, so can get some control over them. It can be a long and difficult road, and yes, there's some amount of stigma associated with BPD. But - if you approach it as a disorder that you are willing to work on, you'll also find that you encounter much less resistance from therapists.

It may turn out that the BPD isn't quite the right diagnosis for you. You'll discover that over time, once you start working on it. But if it's the best way to describe your current symptoms, then it's the thing to try and tackle.

DBT is the go-to treatment for BPD. There is a highly structured version of DBT that is known to help people suffering with BPD. And, the good news is - many of the techniques and concepts employed in DBT will also help you navigate the strong feelings you are left with, following the online situation.

 

[Deleted member 44069]

Sounds like the harm was purposeful. And, it sounds like you were affected by it deeply. I can see why you'd consider it to be traumatic.

Experiencing trauma doesn't necessarily lead to having PTSD. You can have horrible nightmares, obsessive/rumanitive thoughts, all sorts of things...and not have PTSD.

Using the current criteria for diagnosing PTSD, your experience would likely not qualify.

I say 'likely' because, (a) I'm not a doctor, and (b) there's a great deal about PTSD that is understood, but also a lot that is still yet to be determined (scientifically speaking).



The best advice I'd give is, start working on the BPD symptoms, so can get some control over them. It can be a long and difficult road, and yes, there's some amount of stigma associated with BPD. But - if you approach it as a disorder that you are willing to work on, you'll also find that you encounter much less resistance from therapists.

It may turn out that the BPD isn't quite the right diagnosis for you. You'll discover that over time, once you start working on it. But if it's the best way to describe your current symptoms, then it's the thing to try and tackle.

DBT is the go-to treatment for BPD. There is a highly structured version of DBT that is known to help people suffering with BPD. And, the good news is - many of the techniques and concepts employed in DBT will also help you navigate the strong feelings you are left with, following the online situation.

I relate to and have seen almost all of the criteria for PTSD in myself. Every single one of them. Upon my initial trauma, my therapist actually suggested Acute stress Disorder for me (which, if you don’t recover from it, often leads to PTSD). The article on sociopaths clearly states that the abuse often leads to PTSD in those who go through that. My current therapist said that no, having my life literally threatened is not the only cause for PTSD. I have had another physician reassure me that PTSD can indeed be caused by something psychological instead of literal. I could go into it if you like but it feels like people have already made up their mind, which, I hope you don’t mind me saying, is really invalidating and triggering for me.

Also, my friend's therapist suggested PTSD for her even though the actual event never put her life in danger.

 

[Ronin]

Just because something is in pop psychology articles does not make it factual, though.

And how is stating current facts invalidating?
The posters here repeatedly said that they absolutely see the harm in what you came through, and that they feel for you with its purposefulness. Absolutely validating the harm done, and that you are in pain, something that no people should be put through.

Just not all pain is that type of pain.
If you have a broken leg, it is no use talking to a cardiologist about it.
Same with this. If you experience pain from something, it does not yet have to be one concrete disorder.

And, if you pardon me saying, a lot of therapists are just plain wrong. Not even ill meaning. But learning. Or located in places that do research differently / understand mental health and life differently. Or not licensed for this particular brand of issues. Or licensed, still learning. Or not suitable for the concrete person in particular. Therapists are not a know it all people (though I would sure like them to be :D)