Did you ever try to go back to work?

[Friday]

So it’s less of a going back to work in general thing, or learning to manage symptoms & work / a progression thing... and more of a...

- What did you need to do / how long did it take you to go back to a very specific job, at the same level you were at before?

- Not trusting your therapist’s comprehension, understanding, evaluation, motivation, opinions, or methods... BUT?

Being unwilling to change therapists or do any kind of alternate work in the interim... because you might disappoint your old job (for not returning to them immediately) & your craptastic Therapist?

IMO, step 1 would be getting a new therapist.

The head of the office and you really seemed to hit it off, and that wouldn’t even require a change in where your benefits go headache

 

[Stephernovas]

So it’s less of a going back to work in general thing, or learning to manage symptoms & work / a progression thing... and more of a...

- What did you need to do / how long did it take you to go back to a very specific job, at the same level you were at before?

- Not trusting your therapist’s comprehension, understanding, evaluation, motivation, opinions, or methods... BUT?

Being unwilling to change therapists or do any kind of alternate work in the interim... because you might disappoint your old job (for not returning to them immediately) & your craptastic Therapist?

IMO, step 1 would be getting a new therapist.

The head of the office and you really seemed to hit it off, and that wouldn’t even require a change in where your benefits go headache

I'm not so much worried about letting my old job down, it was mostly me rationalizing how my current symptoms are valid concerns that would cause barriers for me as those are things I'd constantly be worried about. What I mean is what else will suffer at the cost of accommodating me in this giant push to just get me back to working - does that make more sense?

It's really frustrating because I used CBT and DBT skills before my accident to help me navigate life and felt like I had a really good understanding of them. In my current position I feel like the skills they are speaking of now, are some magical skills that I seemingly cannot grasp - at least that's the way they talk about them. I'm aware we don't always have enough information for things or our histories influence our future and current behaviours so I do my best to catch certain thoughts that you seem to just know are wrong (i.e. 'Omg Susan was frowning when I walked past her. This means she's upset with me!' - okay, logically I might immediately think that, but what does the situation actually tell me? There are many different reasons Susan could've been frowning while I walked by that had nothing to do with me at all) I'm aware of how CBT works but it's like it's being drilled in my head that I'm missing the point, doing it wrong or something. But what if (as someone said above) it's simply not working for me - and of course if it's not working then I'm lead to the assumption that my PTSD symptoms are still super severe (as noted in all the assessments I have recently attended, as well as me being the one experiencing them).

Even if I did switch therapists, what kind of change am I looking for/ should I expect? That is kind of lost on me now, as some of my anxiety kicks in and I worry about how worker's comp will interpret it (i.e. the therapist started talking about return to work and client evaded this by switching therapists), or I question myself and wonder if I'm only switching because I don't like that she's not 'buying my sh*t anymore, and pressing harder into the pain).

At the end of the day, can anyone actually tell me what therapy is supposed to feel like? I know it's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but if this is how I feel when pressed and then I'm expected to attempt working like this...it doesn't take a genius to recognize the disastrous outcome that is likely to result (unless something magically clicks?)

 

[Abstract]

I can just say for me personally when it was working it didn't feel easy or painless or that I was magically fixed but it did feel on some level that it was addressing what I needed. Whereas therapy that didn't work for me didnt and I didnt make progress despite working hard.

Severity of symptoms isnt the only reason something doesnt work for us.

One of the things about the type of CBT therapy I had that didn't work is it was more focused on my perceptions being incorrect rather than processing the trauma and giving me specific trauma symptom coping skills and self connection skills. Just me and we are all different.

I think it might be useful for you to do a thread specifically on what has happened in treatment then you can explore if it feels like the direction has been suited to what you need post trauma.
? me

 

[New]

@Stephernovas My trauma didn’t happen at work but I did continue to try and work at my job. They were very nice in the beginning and suggested I go out on leave for therapy.

I did and tried to go back to work too soon and it backfired because I wasn’t ready. I was making making mistakes and was an absolute mess (I didn’t think I was and was working crazy hours to keep up and try to seem like my old self) I did this 3 times and eventually lost that job and career of 18 years.

I’m in therapy now and I hope to return to work one day but I have no idea what I will do. I can’t focus on that right now.

Don’t do like I did and force yourself to go back too soon. People say they will be accommodating and understanding but that only lasts so long. That’s just the way it is.

I recently had to switch therapists and I wasn’t looking forward to it, but it has been amazing.

Don’t give up and keep fighting for yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else and I commend you for worrying about those sweet babies in the NICU. I know one day you will be confident enough to go back and you will be better for it.

 

[Stephernovas]

Don’t do like I did and force yourself to go back too soon. People say they will be accommodating and understanding but that only lasts so long. That’s just the way it is.

Exactly. This has happened with the whole concern about me and “check ins” post accident. I get life moves on and everything, but I wake up every single morning with a headache and battling body pains. Hard to look forward to anything when that’s what you’re given to start with.

Not to emotion my full-time, non-accident employer has my therapists office shocked at how much of jerks they are being. Sorry, but if you’re already showing how toxic of an environment you are now, how can me as the worker be confident I will be supported and taken care of as I try to resume as much of my old life as I can? It’s disgusting given they themselves are a mental health agency. The psychologist I saw when my therapist was away dubbed it “secondary trauma” - great! Thanks a lot guys!

I still have not booked more sessions with my current therapist. She’s not easy to get in to see so I think I will wait until I have that session and when she asks why I have not booked anymore we can chat? Maybe I could also use a break from all of it or something as well

Thanks for your kind words

 

[Stephernovas]

I recently made 2 posts, and in getting my thoughts out here with you guys I think I finally have determined that my resistance is towards people who are pushing me into something when I'm not ready.

I told my therapist many times that I am a self-starter, and a very motivated individual. I've never stopped trying to get myself back into the gym/life. I've had friends tell me I'm very compassionate and empathetic to others and advise them to take time they need to think clearly, yet be happy. They respond with telling me they don't understand how I can say that, yet have 'God-like' expectations of myself and my recovery.

If I was ready, wouldn't I say things like, "well this may be hard, but I'm ready for the challenge" or something? Like I'd be willing to do anything to perform those duties again? Right now that's how passionate I am about ensuring I keep up on my ADL's. In social work they always say to make sure you take care of yourself before you extend yourself to others - where is this logic now?

If I went back today I would not have the appropriate support I need to be successful. I need more time until I am able to self-manage and self-regulate. I'm frustrated by people who have and currently are cheating the system because that is a good chunk of what is making this so much harder for me right now. There are days I've literally done nothing but wake up and sit down, and I feel like I just got shmucked in to vehicle again (I'm thinking it's my dizzy concussion symptoms coming into play here).

The CBT skills they keep referring to are things I've used in the past for 'smaller' levels of my anxiety. Perhaps my anxieties (as reported) are too severe to simply 'use a few skills' to manage. Perhaps I need more support than that, but the service providers are at a loss for it because they have not experienced a trauma as big as I have - you know?

My therapist often comments how she's an anxious person and she promotes the CBT skills because she knows they work. I reply with yes, I know they work too - for my much smaller anxieties! And, maybe they will work again for this one, but it's going to take a lot more effort and a lot more time for me to break it down into tolerable chunks. Kind of like a portion of dinner - it only makes sense that a smaller steak is quicker and easier to manage, yet a steak 10 times the smaller one is much bigger and will take much longer to chew and swallow.

I don't know. I feel like I make so much sense on here, but when I'm in session with my therapist I often state 'I don't remember'. I can't handle the confrontation, or the challenging of my thoughts. I'm still learning to state them and assertively stand behind them when others try to shake and threaten me. I'm not a closed minded individual, and would really, really appreciate it if someone would respect my boundaries at this time.

 

[Changing4Best]

Even though I had been on Disability since 2002, I kept getting these inklings that I should go back to work. So, about a year after I started experiencing these, and they got stronger and stronger, I spoke to someone about getting a reference. She knew of a job opening and helped me to get the job! Sure there were problems, stress and such, but I have weathered these and am getting better and better at doing so, with the help of therapy. I work as a caregiver, and the problems have not been with those I cared for (or their families) but those around us where my client socializes and I am with him. For whatever reason, there have been people there who dislike me and have made it known that they do. I just ignore it as best and I can. I enjoy working with the clients. That is what is important. That is all that really matters. As to driving, I don't even have a licence. I take transit. I have been working for a year and a half or so now.

 

[Stephernovas]

Even though I had been on Disability since 2002, I kept getting these inklings that I should go back to work. So, about a year after I started experiencing these, and they got stronger and stronger, I spoke to someone about getting a reference. She knew of a job opening and helped me to get the job! Sure there were problems, stress and such, but I have weathered these and am getting better and better at doing so, with the help of therapy. I work as a caregiver, and the problems have not been with those I cared for (or their families) but those around us where my client socializes and I am with him. For whatever reason, there have been people there who dislike me and have made it known that they do. I just ignore it as best and I can. I enjoy working with the clients. That is what is important. That is all that really matters. As to driving, I don't even have a licence. I take transit. I have been working for a year and a half or so now.

That's pretty much what I'm waiting for - however it's become crazily apparent to me that I'm still too ill (physically and mentally) to work even if I wanted to. I wrote in my other post of how I'm recording all of my goals for the day, symptoms, intensity, plan of action/treatment and outcomes to show my therapist that I am in fact trying to employ her tools/skills, and to worker's comp/ doctors that I'm still struggling and in need of support. The amount of dizziness/nausea and pain I experience in a day is not a joke. They need to see how much it actually impacts me and how unrealistic pushing me beyond my current abilities actually effects me. Trust me, I've wished many times to have those feelings back where I felt prepared to take on the world and the drive to do it. Instead, even talking to my sister in a hair salon makes me feel ill - just because there is too much noise and etc which flares up my concussive symptoms which then triggers my PTSD symptoms, which I battle with on top of constantly being in some kind of physical pain (and various other combinations of that). I don't want to have to scream at them over how injured I am because I don't want to be in this state anymore, but I'm still too sick and injured for sending me back to work in any capacity would be beneficial.

 

[shimmerz]

CBT therapy was terrible for me. My brain was so off-line because I was so traumatized that I couldn’t pull on cognitive stuff if I tried. Some may have called that a plateau but I called it in proper therapy at the time.

 

[RunForever]

Have any of you suffered a trauma and developed PTSD that prevented you from working/had a workplace trauma? If so, did you attempt to return to work? How did it go? If you were deemed unable to work, how long did you try for?

My therapist is very fixated on the exposure aspect of my therapy rn and today she stated we needed to start talking about returning to work because she believes it will help me (I’ve seemingly hit a “plateau”). Keep in mind I also have physical symptoms from the motor-vehicle accident that have yet to resolve as well (concussion/whiplash and low back/hip issues).

It’s not that I’m avoiding work like the plague or anything, even though I know I will be triggered and struggle. My question is around how long did you force exposure before you were deemed unable to work at all?

I keep getting sent for assessments and tests of various kinds (medical, rehab, and etc), and each time I am so easily/badly triggered that I become horribly ill with severe PTSD/panic symptoms that last forever. I have had almost every report come back with statements like:

“While waiting in the lobby, (the client) appeared so visibly unwell that she was approached by the security guard who asked if she was “okay”. Her symptoms developed to a magnitude that the security guard offered to call for an ambulance that was declined as this therapist assisted (the client) through a panic attack.”

“Her symptoms were of a magnitude that contraindicated acting as a driver for the on-road portion of the assessment”

“Due to severity of anxiety symptoms, and reduced mental and physical tolerances to operate a vehicle (the client) does not yet present as an immediate candidate for our program”

I’m not happy about it, but I’m not opposed to considering things about work/things I can tolerate - gently. When my therapist brought up simply conversing about it today, I didn’t shut her down like I usually do. I said “sure”, even though I almost immediately became symptomatic (nausea, wooziness, increased anxiety and etc). I held it together for a bit but then she asked me a simple question about another topic (why I attended the office while she was out of town), and I got lightheaded, started crying but eventually managed to tell her it was because things were becoming too much for me to tolerate.

Before I agree to go any further with this stuff, I’m hoping for some enlightenment on boundary setting. I’m scared I’ll be sent to indefinitely struggle, and worker’s comp and whomever else will keep pushing me (beyond what I’m capable of now) in the name of exposure.

Any helpful thoughts/tips?

I tried to go back to work from a work trauma multiple times. Everytime my symptoms got worse. I am now at the point where I've somewhat accepted that I cant do what I used to.
This was a long process for me (over 2 years) but advocating for yourself in what you want/need is huge. Stabalization is important but sometimes you need to get out of that situation to get better. That's what I've come to realize for myself anyways.
Advocate for yourself, dont let workers comp push you farther than you're capable and try to trust your therapist is looking out for what's best for you. Acceptance is hard and it takes as long as you need, but stabalization is also a huge part of the process.
Hope this helps

 

[The Albatross]

I transitioned back to work very slowly. I am now beating my prognosis both PTSD and physically and am doing 2-3 12-13 hour days and 2-3 5 hour days each week. It took me a long time of a series of goal challenges.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

For sure. How it went varied, an awful lot. Some jobs were fantastic, others... weren’t. The single biggest change from before/after is that I shifted from career to gig-work for several years. That actually worked out rather well, both from my point of view then-ish, and now. I worked when I could, I didn’t when I couldn’t. After I’d largely unf*cked my head/ my life... I was going to school for a new career (apx 8 years of 12) when I got thumped with being too symptomatic to tie my shoes :rolleyes: Gah. So I’m back to trying to piece things, again.

I am pretty much going through the same thing. Right now I'm working gigs and projects while I'm trying to slowly start getting back into full time. Trying to look for part time work, trying to occasionally work in cafes or libraries or coworking spaces to get used to being around people more again... Thanks for sharing your experience, helps me feel like I'm not alone in trying and trying and having to do things differently than expected.