Googling your therapist

[Scarlet13]

So, I may have posted about this in the past.
I googled my T twice in the past 3 years.
I found an article about her childhood (prob from a local paper)
And I found her on fb.
She had some photos there, but it was limited.
I was in a dark time both times.
I have crazy attachment/transference issues and I am working through these with her.
She is a trauma specialist and gets the whole "mom rejected you and allowed you to be strangled, beaten, and raped before you were 11" thing.
So, I have an anxious avoidance attachment issue (which she is healing) and also some medical trauma from a shitty psychiatrist.
So because of curiosity and also an intense need to know that she is a good doctor I googled her.

That was it, nothing more in tense or in depth.
I am not a "stalker" sort (too crazy busy.)
I also dont really ultimately care about the details of her actual life in general. I care more about her being my therapist and what that means.

But I was overwhelmed with curiosity and attachment anxiety at these two moments.

So, this has effected my treatment.
Since seeing her info I have been over come with jealousy.

I know peoples fb pages are totally glamed up and only half the picture.
I dont feel the need to do this anymore.
But it is hindering my treatment.
I probably likely will need to come clean and risk loosing her.
What do you think?

 

[hithere]

Hopefully if you bring it up, you both can talk about it. I feel if it's fb then she put that out there to be seen by anybody and everybody, including her clients. It makes no sense to me to be upset about people looking at your photos or memes that you make public with the entire world. So I would at least bring up the fb issue. Hopefully it will clear the air. However, being terminated is horrible, and counselors are unpredictable in what they will be freaked out about. So, I do feel for you for this decision.

 

[Friday]

I probably likely will need to come clean and risk loosing her.
What do you think?

Do you think you’ll lose her because of stalking or jealousy?

 

[Scarlet13]

No I wasnt stalking her.
I googled her.
Is googling someone stalking them?
I wasnt trying to find out where she lived or anything.

 

[Friday]

So you’re worried she’ll terminate you because you’re jealous?

 

[Scarlet13]

No not for jealousy because she already knows this. But for the fact that I feel I crossed a boundary somehow.
I really just wanted to find out about her and feel connected, but now I have illicit info.
I feel like I crouched into her life and shouldn't have.
I worry she will think I am creepy and maybe a potential stalker and not feel safe with me.

 

[Sideways]

If her fb page is publicly available, then it’s not illicit information. It’s just information.

 

[Friday]

No not for jealousy because she already knows this. But for the fact that I feel I crossed a boundary somehow.
I really just wanted to find out about her and feel connected, but now I have illicit info.
I feel like I crouched into her life and shouldn't have.
I worry she will think I am creepy and maybe a potential stalker and not feel safe with me.

So you are worried about stalking.

Look. I understand that most people who are NOT cops/ journalists/ certain other professions where trust-but-verify (or verify before trusting) is the norm would get a little bent out of shape if I ran a background check -of any level- on them. Mostly because this is how I ended up dating and being friends with people who have run background checks on me. Because I don’t consider it a violation of privacy, I consider it due diligence. What *I* would consider crossing the line is harassing the people in my life -or me- by using that information. Very much like if my address is in the phone book? That doesn’t give someone the right to break into my house. The info is out there. Someone’s character (to my way of looking at things) is how they use that information, is what’s important to me. Someone reads something I’ve published, or has been published about me? Awesome, great, shrug, whatever. I really couldn’t care less. It’s neither a plus nor a minus in my book. They use that to try and get close to me? Ick. Creepy. They use that to attempt to manipulate or hurt me? f*ck no. They use that to attempt to manipulate or hurt someone I love? They can not only go to hell, but I may well help them on their way. That’s MY line.

Most people -who are not in the above mentioned professions- tend to have their lines a little further out. They don’t mind if someone reads their Facebook page / Instagram/ social media, or looks up their number in the phone book, but any kind of background check they want to consent to, first. Shrug. That’s okay. That’s THEIR line.

(And If I want to hang out with them? I need to abide by their line.)

YOUR line seems to be knowing anything you haven’t been told by that person, themselves. IE you’re considering public information, from printed in a news paper to even information posted by that person with the intent of it being viewed by others “illicit information”.

You’ve attached this dark and nefarious judgement against what you did (and still did it anyway.)

THAT’S what I would talk to your therapist about.

About either defining your own boundaries better, so you’re EITHER not classing normal behaviors as :eek:, or not breaking your own moral code, if you have decided those behaviors ARE :eek:

It’s YOUR line. You get to draw it where you want.

 

[Abstract]

Sounds a little to me like this personal information you have is interfering in your therapy a bit as her personal life is now impinging on her T persona for you. T't control how much personal info they share according to what they think will be useful for the client.

My take on this: I would tell her that you have ended up with personal info about her and would like to discuss the effect that can have on your therapy. If you feel badly about it you could also ask her how she feels about it. I do know t's who don't like this and do feel its a boundary issue but it is a reality of our time and boundaries have shifted. In todays world its normal to access info on people. Also, if you were doing it check out her honesty, safety that is a different thing to doing it to want to connect. Don't be so harsh with yourself. ;)

 

[Skywatcher]

I googled my T and her public figure husband, told her about what info I found while I was vetting her. Apparently, I had some stuff wrong and the assumptions I had made caused me to be upset about something she had said in a therapy session. We worked it out. I get how you feel in the jealously or wishing you didn’t know. I also think we search up our t’s out of curiosity, trust issues, sometimes it’s just to keep their photo in your phone (comforting to look at for those of us with attachment issues)

 

[Scarlet13]

Yes so that is why I googled her.
It was out of a need to know she was real. I was actually trying to find a scholary article or something from her that I could read out of an attachment need but ran into personal info and then I was just plain curious.
I wasnt trying really to connect with her in real life. But since I have now seen some photos/info about her real life it is impinging on my therapy.
But I feel like I went behind her back and snooped on her even though I only saw briefly public info.
I think its my attachment/transference issues that makes this feel bad.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think it's entirely natural for us to be curious about important figures in our lives. I googled my T, found some stuff, read it, looked at her Facebook profile, and moved on. I don't feel too bad about that. I would do a lot more, say, for someone I wanted to date.

The weirdest part was realizing she is on the cusp of being young enough to be my daughter. But whatever. She's still the best therapist I ever had. I'd do therapy with a 12-year-old if it helped me the way she's helping me now.