Pieces of Hate & Other Enthusiams

[cherileisman]

Dear Mother Earth - that is some really rude weather, what did we ever do to you?

 

[somerandomguy]

what did we ever do to you

Destroyed her, pretty much. :(

 

[cherileisman]

Destroyed her, pretty much. :(

She's been throwing pay back, not sure the meesage is getting through.

 

[cherileisman]

Tomorrow I am going to a gala. It will be the first in my grown-up life that I am attending completely solo and an outsider. Trying to piece together an outfit has been impossible, who knows which of my personalities will dominate that day.

There will be well-fed and watered locals dressed in country formal and red serge and there will be music and dancing. I don't know if it will be my honour to be asked to dance but have been running refusal rehearsal lines - things took a very bad turn last time I danced with a strange man. I won't be able to resist the music.

 

[cherileisman]

7 middle-aged women, 12 hours, 1 Legion hall decorated for the annual victims services fundraiser...OMG. And, no, it isn't too big a thing that all 10 dozen napkins are folded alike and properly. No Xanax necessary. I made it through the day no sweat, high fives to me.

 

[crackinthequandary]

I have so much to say and no listeners...I will drive myself crazier.

no listeners?

 

[cherileisman]

no listeners?

No, @crackinthequandary the next best thing tho', the critters aren't much for verbal feedback but give good lovin :)

 

[cherileisman]

Say hello to the ladies! We girls killed it tonight man, awesome good time, the WASP-y dolls rocked hard, & knew the lyrics and showed the boys what a bit of gray hair can do for a gal. Local Five-0 was in the house, sporting red serge, and the firemen only had to rush out once. The volunteers, advocates, board members, sponsors and donors, guests and escorts had a hell of a party. It was a real swell do. I f*cking greeted people, complimented clothing and style with every coat I offered to hang up. Confident, well-turned out and nearly unknown amongst the crowd, no past, no future, just me in that moment, how beatiful and sexy and free did that feel? I turned heads & made some noise. If that's not healing and progress I don't know what is.

 

[cherileisman]

Sinead O'Connor has converted to Islam, Brad and Angelina have split sheets, Trudeau made weed cool & legal, and I've been denied medical disability benefits because apparently there's nothing f*cking wrong with me! I missed that canto in The Inferno where Dante warned about this particular spot in Hell.

Can I just say "appeal board hearing"? Very likely a Xanax refill is required lol. The denial of financial benefits is crushing of course, but it has also been the last damn system flaw for me. With or without that money, I will make it, & whether the decision is overturned or no, I've some serious issues about my experience "in the system" which I would like brought to the attention of the boss of bosses for redress, apology, change, the Ombudsman perhaps, I don't know; but that disconnect is still there and words, ideas, structure get scrambled and I cannot Speak. I've been exercising my Voice at granny yoga speed but am in no way ready for Strangers in Suits. As for pen and ink or keyboard I'm hardly able to compose prose, nor verse, nor personal correspondence, fluidly and in a timely manner. Nope, nothing wrong with mind functioning here. OMG! those f*cking sum'bitches and f*ck The Man Too, man!

I have met or in some way connected with so many Displaced, Disadvantaged, Discarded and Damaged Persons and with each story a suture pierces my wounds and empassions the desire for change.

Thought. Word. Deed. Synchronicity.

 

[cherileisman]

The Red Sox win!
Elvis Comeback 50th anniversary box sets!
KISS announces fairwell tour!
Truly, a magical world :)

 

[cherileisman]

There was a single task only which needed completion before Monday start of business hours: draft up a resume for the only potential employer to respond to an application I've submitted in over a year. Should be an easy thing, right, I've constructed dozens of such things easily as over the years and been very often a short-list candidate , I think, on its strengths.

To get a resume fired out in consideration for employment in a workplace where the phrase double-double is not on everyone's lips and which I am in no way, shape, or form unqualified to perform...or, at least, in the pre-now times.

I was fully committed; got the computer system out and fired up and rooted out an ancient Word file not entirely backward compatible in formatting, but totally good set of bones to work with, render it down to a single page and print to pdf and outbox.

I enjoyed a delightful hour or so fiddling with a new header design, messing about with fonts, alignment, structure and I have to say it looks pretty good and methinks I still have the eye.

Name, address, contact info - ✔

I got no farther.

The anxiety started building after struggling for some time to edit a bullet list of skills and attributes which I'm not entirely certain still possess. Organized, attentive to detail, team player...ummm, maybe not at optimum.

I cut and pasted bits and snippets and attempted to shape them to reflect a normal, capable, competent, fully functioning and brain firing on all four.

I sat there all afternoon, my eyes straining, my head starting to ache and ooze down the left side and into the molars and jaw. And, now the fidgets, and ADD tics, and misfiring in the synapses.

I had to close the laptop and pop a couple Xanax and retreat into the bedroom and huddle up with the bargain bin books so foolishly purchased the day before. Two days later it is still closed. I told myself Sunday would be a nice day to finish the edit. Sunday went. The unexpected snow shower only gave another excuse and neither master nor dogs were walked that day. I had avoidance a-plenty in those books and took full advantage, not stopping until ten last night when I could no longer keep my eyes open. Even then, no sleep for the weary and wearied and dosed myself finally at 2 this morning.
***
I would estimate the task 10 hours to complete. I think it's quite possibly the worst response to a request for my resume I have written and worse yet, submitted and there is nothing in its content or structure to save for next time.

Odds say, that dude won't ever be back in contact.

Lucky for me tomorrow's another day.

 

[somerandomguy]

Yeah. I understand. Applying for jobs is incredibly difficult. That's why I'm still where I am, even though I hate it.
:hug: