Therapy break ?

[SeekingUnderstanding]

Greetings!

I am wondering about people’s thoughts about taking a brief break from therapy. Have you done it? What was the outcome ?

A brief synopsis of my story :

I initially started about 9 months ago. All of my symptoms were physical, I didn’t believe in therapy or that I needed to be there but a friend in the field encouraged me to go. I was only going every other week because I just didn’t trust the process (which by the way is harder to do only going twice a month). Come may, I understood my PTSD diagnoses and trusted the person I see, and we bumped up to weekly. SO MUCH PROGRESS when going to weekly. I wish I hadn’t wasted 3 months going twice a month.

Anyways - I made amazing progress and was doing so well. I thought we were almost at a wrap-up and close out phase. And then —— I had a pretty major set back that lasted several weeks. I went a tad off the deepend and ended up essentially at square one again. (That’s a separate post, though! :) ) I am FINALLY through whatever I was dealing with and am doing so so so much better, and I’m so beyond thankful.

I’m left feeling a little confused, a little discouraged and sad, and pretty afraid of another setback.

I feel like I am making the person I see repeat the same conversations, the same tools etc that we’ve already been over. I am sure that she has to be frustrated with me (as I am with myself) and is probably tired of going round and round with me. I’m actually ok with it - everything we have done has been so helpful. I view my appts as a life line and I’m glad to have them as a safety net. I hate calling and asking for help when things get tough, so it’s nice that it’s just there for me and I don’t have to take that leap and reach out. As a side note, she is extremely talented. I’m very comfortable and feel quite connected with her. It’s an A+ match if that helps (thank goodness).

The summation of all of this has me wanting to take a few weeks (3-4?) off. Maybe I need a minute to breathe. Maybe I’m worried shes too frustrated with me (I hate to be a burden). Maybe I’m still processing the last few weeks of set back and don’t feel ready to do work yet. Maybe something I’m not thinking about. Maybe I just don’t know what to say or do anymore in sessions.

Is a break in this scenario likely to be beneficial? The last thing I want is to have another set back. And, I know she’d be there if I needed to resume, I just don’t think I would ask. I’m fearful of giving up my lifeline, but feel like I want a break.

Maybe what I want is a break from PTSD and writing all of this out helped me process.

 

[Missycat]

Hey @SeekingUnderstanding , maybe you should speak to your t about it? I ended therapy last year after just under 2 years ( my first time in therapy). It ended because we both saw and felt that i was well. My t was relocating also but we agreed we could skype should i need any support in the future. After quite a few months of being well and feeling strong something happened meaning i contacted my t again. Its been a difficult year and i have struggled in therapy at times. My t suggested i return to emdr so she reccomended a t she knew - i started emdr and its been hard so both t’s suggested fortnightly sessions and a break from emdr therapy for a short period allowing me to rest and recuperate . My t reminded me that therapy is hard and its important that i get the rest and take a break when needed. Hence why i think its worth you talking to your t about your thoughts and concerns.
I wish you all the best .

 

[SeekingUnderstanding]

Thanks. I’ll probably mention that I’m thinking of a break - however, I know she will be supportive of whatever I think I want to do.

 

[Teamwork]

I would take a break as long as I knew I wouldn't have to wait too long to get in if I really needed to. that would be mys safety net.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think part of the problem is the way that you’re viewing ptsd healing. Setbacks are the name of the game. Healing is not linear. You’ll be doing fine, get triggered, and have to stabilize again. This is just how healing works. Your therapist is not frustrated with you because she is a professional and she knows how the healing journey progresses, she knows that what you’re experiencing is 1000% normal.

Knowing that setbacks are to be expected? This makes the setback SOOOO much easier to handle. You know it’s normal VS a failing on your part. Instead of internalizing a setback as a failure, you’ll know it’s all just a part of how you heal. Knowing a setback may happen when you get triggered makes the setback easier to handle.

Having said that, therapy breaks, taken at the right time and for the right reason, can be extremely beneficial. They help you to learn how to do things on your own outside of the therapeutic realm.

 

[grit]

First gosh so nice to read your post about your process and your thoughts and your reasoning. Really nice! I felt like we were sitting on couches and you were just talking to me. I love people who can write and I can visualize their mouth moving about.

Now the contents of your post:
What is a setback? A job loss? a Death? emotional reactions? etc A setback or living a life as it can be is normal and even more so during therapy. How do you know your therapy is working? a lot of times a setback that broke your back last time, is only breaking a toe this time. So setbacks are OK. Maybe as EveHarrington noted above, just accept setbacks are part of life. In PTSD, we resisted setbacks as children (well no child should really deal with setbacks that is what parents are for) so we are already exhausted as adults. But the healthier we become the more setbacks are part of life and we learn how to grieve them not put them on pedestal. Just my thoughts here.

Now the one area that jumped at me so loud is "your thoughts about your therapist's thoughts of thinking of you as burden,she repeating herself" and your feeling about responsible for that. No magic here but I will say that is a huge core issue. you know why?

Let me assume you have a job. I am very sure you have things you repeat all day with certain people year after a year...and I doubt you will say...if you were a nurse. ohh Mrs Hewitt is back again with another stroke...no you just go on and do what you do.

Your therapist is good because she is good at her job and she is good at repeating so good that she is helping you. Leaving therapy is not good idea if it is to burden-less the therapist. you are not saying you are done...and 3 or 4 weeks is nothing..that is like taking a vacation. I am surprised your therapist has not taken vacation yet or you did not take long vacation to give you some space so you can practice your newly found coping mechanism you learned with her.

I feel you are sensitive to others feeling and you are emphatic to your therapist but most of the time too much sensitivity ot others feelings when it may hurt us in the long run is part of PTSD.

My advise from online forum to you: talk to her about your feelings of she is frustrated. She is repeating herself and must not like it. and the fact you are a burden. All to me sound like issues of dependence and one of the most pervasive ways trauma lives on.

Take a vacation not a break. A break may give indicate you may not come back and you are basically holding that time of the therapist where she could give that time to another client. Vacation though is more like OK. I can hold the times for you because you are coming back. To me this more respectful and thoughtful than taking a break not knowing you are back or not and asking this great therapist not help another person with that time.

 

[SeekingUnderstanding]

First gosh so nice to read your post about your process and your thoughts and your reasoning. Really nice! I felt like we were sitting on couches and you were just talking to me. I love people who can write and I can visualize their mouth moving about.

Now the contents of your post:
What is a setback? A job loss? a Death? emotional reactions? etc A setback or living a life as it can be is normal and even more so during therapy. How do you know your therapy is working? a lot of times a setback that broke your back last time, is only breaking a toe this time. So setbacks are OK. Maybe as EveHarrington noted above, just accept setbacks are part of life. In PTSD, we resisted setbacks as children (well no child should really deal with setbacks that is what parents are for) so we are already exhausted as adults. But the healthier we become the more setbacks are part of life and we learn how to grieve them not put them on pedestal. Just my thoughts here.

Now the one area that jumped at me so loud is "your thoughts about your therapist's thoughts of thinking of you as burden,she repeating herself" and your feeling about responsible for that. No magic here but I will say that is a huge core issue. you know why?

Let me assume you have a job. I am very sure you have things you repeat all day with certain people year after a year...and I doubt you will say...if you were a nurse. ohh Mrs Hewitt is back again with another stroke...no you just go on and do what you do.

Your therapist is good because she is good at her job and she is good at repeating so good that she is helping you. Leaving therapy is not good idea if it is to burden-less the therapist. you are not saying you are done...and 3 or 4 weeks is nothing..that is like taking a vacation. I am surprised your therapist has not taken vacation yet or you did not take long vacation to give you some space so you can practice your newly found coping mechanism you learned with her.

I feel you are sensitive to others feeling and you are emphatic to your therapist but most of the time too much sensitivity ot others feelings when it may hurt us in the long run is part of PTSD.

My advise from online forum to you: talk to her about your feelings of she is frustrated. She is repeating herself and must not like it. and the fact you are a burden. All to me sound like issues of dependence and one of the most pervasive ways trauma lives on.

Take a vacation not a break. A break may give indicate you may not come back and you are basically holding that time of the therapist where she could give that time to another client. Vacation though is more like OK. I can hold the times for you because you are coming back. To me this more respectful and thoughtful than taking a break not knowing you are back or not and asking this great therapist not help another person with that time.

Thanks for your post. Can you further explain what you mean about issues of dependence ? I worked hard to be cautious of being too dependent. I put rules in place for when it is ok to reach out even, and really try not to lean on her too much.

 

[grit]

Hi seekingunderstanding,

This is just my impression so please see if you resonate with it or not.

My feeling of your thoughts as you posted was that you are highly functioning person who most of her life could survive without much of therapy or much of help but what makes you still struggle deep within is there is a part of you that is sort of egosyntonic meaning because it is not extremely bothering your life, it is not a problem on the surface. But the problem is you are obviously suffering and having setbacks so severe so that means your psychic energy is held up some where else.

the cure or the recovery of PTSD is just really gaining more energy to live than to watch out or to be fearful state of the mind.

Some fights are heavier than other. Fight of abandoment or dependence are probably some of the heaviest in my opinon because they are too unrealistic for an adult and yet to real for a baby body.

to me it seemed that you are afraid in a fundamental way to burden your great therapist. So every few weeks or months as you progress, you are back to this black hole - the need to avoid being dependent and since it is not really insulting thing you feel kind of proud you are independent. But this dependence is not on the same par as adult independence. it is a residue of a child who closed off because she could nt depend on the mother.

The thing is almost all healthy adults are independent. The problem we are dealing with PTSD is never are we independent as adults but did we learn how to become independent as a child? did we separate from the mother in a healthy way or more fearful nd excruciating way because we just learned how to walk. the answer is most likely no. The developmental process was broken in such, we did not learn how to be dependent on the mother and how to be independent as a child. We learned this rationally but not emotionally. Hence, the pain!

you are independent enough to take care of yourself and pay the therapist and such but when you were a child you were never given that independence in the appropriate manner - it was forced on your in order to survive you never stopped - inertia.

You are avoiding that feeling that baby had and you are in adult form and body so it is almost too ridiculous to imagine!

but you need to re-experience that baby feeling of needing the mother as an adult who needs the help of this kind therapist and let the feeling over-wash you - I can say with some certainty what did not kill you as a baby will not kill you as an adult. I find myself that I use my own flashbacks rather than trying to suppress them and shake them off. I have been consciously trying to let them stay in my body and just stay mindful in the body to get the feeling and well up. because I use mantras that say I am safe. I am survivor. I made it. I will not die because of this feeling. I say these things under by breath all day and all times whenever I have a tightness in my stomach. I felt paralyzed on Monday morning before I got up of bed and I had to call in sick. That bad but I am glad I did not shut it down.

Hope this makes sense. I can be blahah so excuse me please I was not short and sweet.

 

[hithere]

I would get in the schedule for your return before you take the break (personal experience.) try 2 x a month and see how you feel. I noticed that getting out of town helps me with breaks and breaks from ptsd as well.

 

[Friday]

I feel like I am making the person I see repeat the same conversations, the same tools etc that we’ve already been over.

Speaking as both a teacher & a student... that’s called learning.

No one masters something the first time through. No one. You might learn it, sure, but mastery takes practice & repetition. It takes doing it under different circumstances, in different scenarios, in different head spaces, and a whole lot of other factors.., many, many, many times through... to master anything.

The summation of all of this has me wanting to take a few weeks (3-4?) off. Maybe I need a minute to breathe. Maybe I’m worried shes too frustrated with me (I hate to be a burden). Maybe I’m still processing the last few weeks of set back and don’t feel ready to do work yet. Maybe something I’m not thinking about. Maybe I just don’t know what to say or do anymore in sessions.

Breaks can be good. They can be a time to let things settle, or to shift from head to heart (knowing to believing), or to gain self confidence, or just to catch your breath.

They can also be a time to settle into avoidance, feed into negative thought patterns, continue patterns of behavior you want to quit, and a bunch of other not great things.

You know you. You know which side of the line you’re likely to fall on.

One thing I would caution...

On this side of the world most therapists are gearing up to go on holiday for about a month. IE Major holidays / half or more of their client base out of town / continuing education credits due - conventions/seminars/etc. So if it’s the same on your side of the world you could easily be looking at taking an unintended 2-3 month break (restarting in January) on accident if your break and hers end up overlapping or near enough. So I’d check what her holiday schedule is.