DID D.I.D. and full conciousness

[ppippi]

I've had this question for a while now: can you be fully conscious and have DID?

When triggered, I slip into a state that has a different sense in age and behavior. I do strange things like suck on a pacifier and feel little and helpless. I'm fully aware of this state but don't do anything to stop it because it takes over me. I feel like my wise self is in the backseat of a car observing, while the younger state is in the drivers seat. I never lose time. Could this be DID? If not, has anyone experienced anything like this before? The feeling of another layer taking over while you're in the backseat observing? I know i should talk to a T but Im embaressed.

 

[Ronin]

Yep.

How functional you are with D.I.D./how much loosing time and ability to act and in which area, are slightly separate issue from there being 2+ independent personalities.

I lose plenty of time, but tend to be aware of most of me / or that someone who is not main at the time, took over, when they do.

It's a continuum and many factors, not so clean cut either/or, for now and forever.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t have DID but I do feel/act younger when triggered, much like what you describe.

I wouldn’t jump to DID though. Let a professional make that call.

 

[Sideways]

I wouldn’t jump to DID though. Let a professional make that call.

This.

A lot of people experience dissociative states without being right up the end of the spectrum to warrant a diagnosis of DID.

The treatment is pretty similar, and at the outset is going to focus on staying grounded, and identifying the trigger that sends you into a dissociative state. For a T that is across the current knowledge about dissociation? This isn’t going to be weird, alarming, or even particularly unusual for someone with cptsd, so absolutely have a chat with your T about it. It’s actually quite helpful to know that this is one of the ways that your cptsd plays out:)

 

[ppippi]

so you're saying it could be dissociation but likely not full blown DID, correct? Does it indicate that I have cptsd or something or is this completely normal like zoning off when driving on a highway?

 

[Ronin]

A psychiatrist trained in dissociative disorders can tell you that. :)

What we can tell you are things like: Is X common for this disorder (if having it), or how common. Is it possible for this disorder? Is it typical for this disorder? Is it exclusive to this disorder? ... things like that. But they are a fairly different bunch of questions than Is what I have, from this symptom, that disorder? Cannot answer that one. Cannot even guess.

 

[EveHarrington]

No, this is definitely beyond what normal people experience in terms of dissociation. It could be part of ptsd or cptsd or did or....? Definitely seek out a therapist who can help you work through this. I know it’s scary, but it’s best to get help now as dissociation problems can get worse. I didn’t have dissociation problems until the last year or so. Now I spend much more time living in a fog (and it sucks!)

 

[Reflections]

There's also OSDD, dissociative disorders that aren't quite DID that lack some of the same symptoms.

I honestly don't know if I have DID, but I have different states that "take over". They have different genders, outlooks, demeanors, opinions, clothes preferences, etc. I'm completely aware of this and don't experience black out. My memory is hazy but if I think hard/long enough I can recall stuff. Whether I have DID doesn't matter too much, I know I have alters and the process of healing is the same.

From what I read "losing time" in a DID diagnosis doesn't have to be obvious or dramatic black outs. As people already said though, a professional needs to be the one diagnosing.

 

[ppippi]

There's also OSDD, dissociative disorders that aren't quite DID that lack some of the same symptoms.

I honestly don't know if I have DID, but I have different states that "take over". They have different genders, outlooks, demeanors, opinions, clothes preferences, etc. I'm completely aware of this and don't experience black out. My memory is hazy but if I think hard/long enough I can recall stuff. Whether I have DID doesn't matter too much, I know I have alters and the process of healing is the same.

From what I read "losing time" in a DID diagnosis doesn't have to be obvious or dramatic black outs. As people already said though, a professional needs to be the one diagnosing.

when they take over, can you gain control and come back to yourself whenever you chose to or is it out of your hands?

I don’t have DID but I do feel/act younger when triggered, much like what you describe.

I wouldn’t jump to DID though. Let a professional make that call.

are you able to bring yourself back when you feel younger?

 

[Reflections]

when they take over, can you gain control and come back to yourself whenever you chose to or is it out of your hands?

Generally speaking I don't have control. I don't know if they even have control. Even when I want certain alters to stay out they won't necessarily stay. I can't force anyone to front. If an alter comes out they may want to not front, but they can't leave. "They" can refuse to let an alter out, though this has caused the most chaos in our system. I'm still trying to understand them and the system.

Sometimes doing certain things are more likely to bring out certain alters, it doesn't work always. I have and can force alters to stop actions in the past. That's the most control I have. Though it's more accurate to say I have influence rather than control.

When an alter comes out I try to let them be an observe.

 

[ppippi]

Generally speaking I don't have control. I don't know if they even have control. Even when I want certain alters to stay out they won't necessarily stay. I can't force anyone to front. If an alter comes out they may want to not front, but they can't leave. "They" can refuse to let an alter out, though this has caused the most chaos in our system. I'm still trying to understand them and the system.

Sometimes doing certain things are more likely to bring out certain alters, it doesn't work always. I have and can force alters to stop actions in the past. That's the most control I have. Though it's more accurate to say I have influence rather than control.

When an alter comes out I try to let them be an observe.

what youre describing sounds scary. mine isn't as bad..i almost feel silly for going to a therpasit about it cause i feel like i have full control.

 

[shimmerz]

These two don't match.

I do strange things like suck on a pacifier and feel little and helpless.

cause i feel like i have full control.

Right?

So I am going to suggest that no therapist would have you feel silly over this. This is serious.

I used to have this same experience, except I wouldn't suck on pacifiers, I would dive into ditches in the middle of winter to 'hide'. It was a dangerous, dangerous game. The regression for me was lightening fast with the same state of mind that I think you are describing. I would have an 'observer' who would 'see' what I was doing but could do f*ck all about it.

With that type of internal stuff going on, I strongly suggest you find a trauma therapist right away before it gets debilitating, if it isn't already.