Online Dating Services?

[Enaila]

I have used two dating sites to look for friendship/dating. The first experience with chatting with a guy who lived far away from me ended up being a cat phisher. He led me on for three months of talking by phone and evening chat online before he requested money. When I told him no, his personality changed drastically. I ended all communication immediately and took some time to reflect on the red flags I initially missed and how I reacted. I then met a guy who lived closer. We went on a few dates, which involved going to dinner, watching tv together, etc. He told me he just didn't think it would work out. I was okay with that and tried again. I'm not desperate for a date, but it had been twenty years since my husband and abuser had been out of my life and my T agreed it would be healthy to try dating again with my boys now adults. I again tried the online dating site I had been using and somehow managed to be cat fished again by a person who lived far away supposedly. He said he was military stationed overseas. LOL....I was MUCH quicker to realize he was not the real thing. Thank you Dr. Phil for some great advice on recognizing fakes! I ended the conversing and tried again determined to ONLY date or converse with someone who I could meet in person at a neutral location within two weeks. As it happened, I was again matched to the guy who said he didn't think it would work out, by a different online site. I realized, after not seeing or talking to him for over 3 months, that I kind of missed him. I decided to text him, "I miss you." He texted back he missed me too. We started building our friendship and have been good friends for almost two years now.

While we may not ever consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend, he has helped me grow a lot in learning to trust men and believing more in myself. It is nice to have an opposite sex view on topics. He is someone I can talk about ANYTHING with and that aspect is something I have never had before. Try the online sites! Remember to learn a lot about a person and follow the safety precautions the sites tell you. If, at any time, something triggers you to be hyperalert, listen to your mind and body and definitely, if any form of abuse is present, end the relationship immediately!

 

[Deleted member 47632]

buyer beware all i can say about online dating

 

[grit]

No online dating for me either. There's some innorganic thing about it for my taste.

The woman on the picture looks like my cousin. Every time I see this thread I think "Who the hell is moustache guy there with S?" :rolleyes:

OMG! That was so funny, I almost choked on my coffee!

 

[grit]

I have used online dating and before internet, I used newspaper dating LOLOL I am an old geezer!When I look back I laugh a lot because ooh boy did I learn so much about me and the rest of men and women who crossed my path.

No one can tell you what to look for in a mate. That is so specific to your chemical make up.

But knowing what I know about PTSD today, I would say, maybe try to meet friends and not find others online for purely dating. Simply because you are going through stuff and it is not the best time to make a decision that can impact in so many levels. This is my left brain talking. So find sites that have something in common at meet up. could be crocheting to fencing to whatever you fancy. that way, you may meet a person you can be friends with and date.

My right brain says if you go the route of online dating, just meet with them before you start to create a real, phantom person and you are in deep pooo when you meet them, months later and go what! who is this person? or you fall into some pattern where you are coerced into believing your fantasy and you end up with someone who really is not who they were.

Speaking from experience.

I met my husband online but more the first - we had common things first and the chemistry flew after. and it was this ways because I cancelled all my online dating and stopped dating for a year to get sense of what is it I was looking for. I found it in me and gave up dating and boom...I met my husband in common interest way. So cliche but so true!

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh @grit - how lucky are you!! And so romantic - well done! :hug:

 

[Mr Man]

Newish to this, but so far I’m been approached by a few fake profiles, the first had a picture of a lady off a shampoo bottle and the second used an Actress's. Oddly enough those were the only two models that ever messaged me.

Another tip is be wary if someone avoids talking on the phone, in my experience they are hiding something. For example one lady mirrored me – i.e. they say they like everything you like and have the same beliefs but they hide it well. She saw my list of bands I like, and quoted back some similar ones (just as Spotify etc... does). When we met she clearly didnt know these bands at all. It became evident she had no empathy and displayed loads of BPD like symptoms. As my mum was BPD, I’m normally good at avoiding them, but she had me messaging for over a month and I didn’t twig. Met her once, and it all became obvious. That said met some nice people also. What makes me laugh, is these people playing games, put on their website "no Drama, no games" what they're saying is the Drama its always someone else fault. This BPD like person also deleted her profile the day before we met, and then insisted I did the same. So I'm guessing her profile was a work of fiction. But don't let that put you off, just look for people that always show respect and have empathy.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, I finally have someone who seems interested. Time will tell. I have not dropped the PTSD bomb on him yet. I did mention a few other things that would not endear him to me, such as that I am not that organized, I am not the best cook and I live only a little above poverty level. Who knows if I will ever hear from him again! LOL...

 

[Changing4Best]

He passed that test! I will go easy on him for awhile now. Smiling....

 

[littleoc]

!!!!!! That’s really promising!!

 

[Changing4Best]

"BUDDING LOVE"

 

[blackemerald1]

I will go easy on him for awhile now. Smiling....

^^Oh how romantic ^^ I am smiling and so pleased for you! Best of luck. I hope he is a gem. :hug:

BUT - all of us here WILL have to approve of him you know? So...details please.... lol ;)

 

[Changing4Best]

^^Oh how romantic ^^ I am smiling and so pleased for you! Best of luck. I hope he is a gem. :hug:

BUT - all of us here WILL have to approve of him you know? So...details please.... lol ;)

I wish I could post his photo, but a las, the copyright laws.... so! He IS handsome, a little gray around the side burns, and such. In one of the photos he is working out on some gym equipment. He is in better shape than I am. (I got a health plan that will give me access to the local Gym, but it does not start until Jan 1st, so I guess I will have to do a lot of walking between now and then. I have a bit too much bulk around my midriff, sigh... and he does not!) LOL...

He is an Electrical Engineer, works in Solar Panels, Solar Energy. He is a widower, (I am a widow). His wife died 4 years ago. He said his son wants him to get involved with someone (his son is an adult) and does not want him to be a lone all the rest of his life. That was why he joined the dating site.

He is second generation American, of Portuguese decent. He is younger than I, by about 6 years. I believe he may have grown up in a home where his parents spoke only Portuguese, and so his English is a bit "off." My husband was from Argentina, so I am used to accents and language barriers, etc. I understand that too, as I speak some Spanish, it sure is not easy learning a 2nd language!