Catastrophic Thinking and Paranoia

[MamaHopeful]

Everything is immediately catastrophic. EVERYTHING is worst case.
I'm starting to doubt that I have PTSD and wondering if I have some other mental illness. I've been googling nonstop to see if I have OCD or something.
All I do is worry. And then I worry that I will never stop worrying. And then I worry that I will never stop worrying about worrying about worrying.
I fall asleep but wake up with nonstop overwhelm and panic attacks.
I have been diagnosed as PTSD - but I'm wondering if anyone else here deals with this relentless worry and terror and feels convinced they are INSANE.

 

[Freida]

Yep. Been there. It totally sucks but for me it's just part of the ptsd. So you're not insan because catastrophe thinking is pretty normal and it ramping up like that usually means I've run into a major trigger or an anniversary. It's a good thing to talk to your t about so she can give you some grounding techniques that can help. :hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

PTSD and wondering if I have some other mental illness. I've been googling nonstop to see if I have OCD or something.

^^Stop googling symptoms and other illnesses. That is definitely not going to help.

It's a good thing to talk to your t about so she can give you some grounding techniques that can help. :hug:

^^Do this and also talk to T about what your symptoms are.

 

[PreciousChild]

Everything is immediately catastrophic. EVERYTHING is worst case.
I'm starting to doubt that I have PTSD and wondering if I have some other mental illness. I've been googling nonstop to see if I have OCD or something.
All I do is worry. And then I worry that I will never stop worrying. And then I worry that I will never stop worrying about worrying about worrying.
I fall asleep but wake up with nonstop overwhelm and panic attacks.
I have been diagnosed as PTSD - but I'm wondering if anyone else here deals with this relentless worry and terror and feels convinced they are INSANE.

Hi @MamaHopeful . I forget if it was in Heller's book on developmental trauma or van der Kolk's book, but I remember reading that a big thing with ptsd is that we become avoidant of becoming triggered. It's not the thing we fear so much as the fear itself that causes us to panic.

I don't know if I'm saying that right. I should look it up. But the basic idea stuck with me because I think that has been true of me - I used to be so afraid of losing it and was probably more anxious about that than anything else.

 

[Friday]

if anyone else here deals with this relentless worry and terror

The only time I’ve dealt with that level & type (relentless + terror) of panic/ anxiety/ rumination it was also coupled with massive emotional dysregulation... so I’m not sure it’s the same thing... it was very directly linked to a big damn stressor in my life. Stressor there? I hit this place. Stressor not there? I didn’t.

HOWEVER, the way my symptoms work is something of a domino / cascade.
- Stressor
- relentless terror (panic, anxiety, rumination, dysreg) > Present Stuff
- flashbacks / panic attacks / anxiety attacks > Past Stuff
- Present & Past stuff mixing and blurring, world’s colliding.
- Disassociation
- Depression / SI
- etc

So something will start out 100% ABC and gradually morph into 100% XYZ, along the way being some kind of unholy mixture of A-Z. And then? Will often either shift in another direction entirely (123), or revert back to ABC, or A1X2C3B4Z5Y. :confused: . :wtf: . :banghead:

When it’s much smaller... like I’m having several hours of symptom spikes every day? Or glimpses / flashes every few minutes, or fleeting whatever for maybe 10 minutes every hour throughout the course of the Day? Then the content tends to stay on target. But when it’s all day, every day? I’m symptomatic as f*ck, but which symptoms from where regarding what? Are a total cluster. I can usually trace them back just fine, but only by following the dominos / doing something of a network model of the f*ck is going on with me???.

I’ve come to find that people define things very differently. Relentless for one person being 24/7, but for the next person a few hours a day, and for the next fleeting moments every day, and for the next once or twice a week. So just to pt my definitions out there...

How I define

Relentless = is 20-24 hours a day (4 hours of sleep, but often it carried through right into my sleep with nightmares).

Terror = Screaming &/or full body flailing/arcing/sobbing, shaking - total loss of control.