Altercation, remaining calm but triggered.

[Recovery4Me]

Been a while, since I last ventured on this board. My Therapy for my PTSD have served well for stabilization of self regulation along with the occasional use of anxiety meds. However, tonight I just needed to come home to the board where often those of us whom suffer along the mental health spectrum... understand.

Despite our differences, there are buzz words within some of our vocabularies that can promote a nod of acknowledgement or the ‘me too’ nod. Often that understanding has offered a sense of a place in the world, where I do not feel so alone within the struggles of PTSD.

Today, an younger deranged woman with half shavened head, appearing nonsensical within her angry tirade strode towards me as I left McDonalds with my friend. The stranger accused me of killing sharks (the fast food chain serves beef and chicken) and was balling up her fist for an attack.

My male friend dove into his side of the Jeep and left me to face the oncoming as I was her targeted choice. As the stranger was about 5 feet and still moving towards me (and my side of the Jeep had the inside door lock busted) I turned to face her. Accessed the situation, stood calmly in a drop stance, no arms raised and no counter response. I was hoping for the best, while accepting what was to be. As a senior citizen, it is difficult to navigate body parts into compliance and I didn’t want physical conflict.

By the grace of God, she started walking backwards after getting about 3 foot close (while shouting more about me killing sharks) and flipping me off... she continued to walk backwards until about a good 4 car lengths then disappeared.

My friend never offered help other than shouting at me from the Jeep and then wanted to brag on the ride home how he managed dangerous people like that at the shelter where he once worked by calling the cops. Not a word of asking me if I was Ok, felt ok, or a hug was given...nor did he dial the cops for me lol.

So later that evening... he stated he never knew that I was that careless and asked was I looking for conflict. I countered it was unkind to leave me unassisted then blame me for being a target. But that line of questioning triggered me into ruminations where some people blame the victims which led me here to an understanding board.

Here are others that may understand freezing, flight or fight. Maybe even offered, I did well in my choice of non-confrontation. Maybe here, someone might offer they understood what it is to have PTSD and face an altercation, remaining calm during the moment.

Thanks for listening and being here.

 

[EveHarrington]

McDonald’s brings out the crazies!!!

I was flashed by a man in McDonald’s a few months ago and had to deal with the aftermath. (CSA survivor so another sexual assault was triggering).

You did the right thing. You have no idea if she was armed. I beat myself up after my incident and had to remind myself of the same thing, I was cornered and had no idea if he was armed, so simply getting myself out of the situation to safety was the best thing I could have done.

Your non confrontational response was awesome and EXACTLY what you needed to do in the moment given that you couldn’t get into the Jeep. Your friend is a bit of a jerk! Is chivalry dead? What kind of man leaves a woman in danger like that without trying to protect her? Maybe I sound sexist, but still. What your friend did was unacceptable. Heck, I’d even expect my female friends to give me some sort of assistance.

Your friend was essentially blame shifting. I think he felt guilty for not helping you so he had to blame you. My guess is that OTHER shelter workers actually took care of such incidents. People tend to not change their go to response. He is a flight person. His response would have been the same in the shelter. If he was a de-escalation/protection person, that would have shown.

I’m so sorry. I know things like this can be unsettling for days. :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Damn good to hear from you again, Recovery. :) Glad life has been treating you well.

Nothing careless in your reactions, as reading it.
Besides, he so has me tempted to say something like I was careless, but protecting your doing nothing ass, on your behalf.

As it is so eaasy to do basically nothing, and then play a wise rescuer (TM). Do not take that nonsense close, it is just self important nonsense.

 

[Friday]

He’s a coward. He runs away and dives into the Jeep, then wants to blame you for his response? Asshole. Deadweight to be protected, which is far worse than just plain folk to be protected who are basically fine; and definitely not someone to count on when things get rough, then or later. Noted. Ugh. How disappointing. I’m so very sorry.

 

[Neverthesame]

My male friend dove into his side of the Jeep and left me to face the oncoming as I was her targeted choice.

My hero... :rolleyes:

Anytime a potentially violent encounter ends without violence and or capitulation, means you handled it exactly correct. Well done.

 

[mumstheword]

I agree with @Friday. His was the lame behaviour, not you. Good to see you here after so long :-) Not great what brought you back, but lovely to see your name and hear from you, regardless.
I think it's safe to say, many of us would have responded in kind, nothing wrong with how you did, just distressing to hear that you were left out in the cold by your companion and then his refusal to own his own cowardly behaviour.
I find that kind of thing a little contemptible, actually, and I will get a little sexist about it and say, especially in a man.
:hug:'s, if that sort of thing is something appropriate.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thankyou everyone for weighing in. ?

Knowing many of your back stories from spending past time on this board, allows me the breathing space to regroup my hyper-vigilance with the compassion as well as shares from your posts. What a life line this board has been due to all of you. Good to see you all as well.

 

[Powder]

Jeez. Why on Earth would anyone give a care about sharks like this? Nuts.

 

[Ronin]

Why on Earth would anyone give a care about sharks like this?

I don’t think that asshole gives a single damn about sharks, to be honest.

Just another random thing to pick to harass others about and mess with people by.
If they actually cared about the issues, they would have went about it more civilly and in other places. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Why on Earth would anyone give a care about sharks like this?

My guess is she was high on something, which means the OP’s non-escalating response was even more vital to getting out of the situation safely.

 

[Recovery4Me]

We have a large homeless and drugged out community within my city. There have been constant fires within the state and within my area. The cost of rent has increased as expected during supply and demand economics. My heart goes out to many in need of safety and those struggling.

So her sharks were perhaps, just her caveat to convey her pain, as she appeared dishevelled and in an drugged out mental state.

What bothered me was my somewhat frozen response in shock to her derangement. I have been accosted several times within the last years here by homeless gangs at the bus stop, etc. but I functioned well and felt somewhat fearless (and relieved).

This time was different and I triggered heavier. I dissociated in a slow movement in my head fashion. I am not sure if it was because the stranger was in loud anguish (as well as anger) or if it was because my friend skirted out from having my back.

Either way, it is not an optimal time to have an partial freeze pattern and I am grateful to have your input. It helped me ground a little. Thank you again.

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah I was wondering about the McDonalds and shark's 'issue' too... A cow killer yeah - get that... though I do eat beef so I am guilty there too. Ah... must be some really good drugs... :sorry:

Hello @Recovery4Me - :hug: Good to know that apart from this incident you are travelling so well.. :)

And you handled yourself very well even if you were shocked.