I came back to add to this after reading another thread, the above post, ^^ , well, if/ when I remember I should have rights to be free of 'stuff' I feel a tiny bit better, thank you to everyone. :hug:
I have read of
@Skywatcher 's distress, am just tagging you in case this post is helpful in any way, but I did not want to interfere with your thread.
Though I do not have the transference issue, I can easily say my thoughts or cognitions are very related to the past, especially if triggered or in a full blown panic attack, I'm thinking sometimes (highly affected by my (not) breathing, and that's another part).
But
@Friday said in the other thread (hope it's ok to quote):
This is true, I think, even if the response to the tantrum is simply despair, or future avoidance (which comes back to the cognitions/ thoughts/ conclusions drawn). I think it's the perception of so much is unstable, stability is placed on too few legs.
But the real thing is, it's much too about the opportunity to practice what has been learned, instead. To recognize (or not believe, if desired, because choice and rational facts can exist too, but so too do cognitive distortions, which may be 'overcomable', but maybe not, or not-right-now), that the instability/ happening brings up lots of past fear feelings.
But, being even able to recognize that, is a lot, and the place to begin: recognize the feelings/ fear; figure out what I'm feeling/ thinking ; understand how the past causes it; practice managing it; look at distortions; choose if they are distortions or ask questions; make decision(s).
Because, I realized yesterday, (for myself) I would have done things differently. But I had to (chose to) meet someone else's need than my own. I was ok about it, because I changed my own plans. But I knew it was likely I couldn't accomplish my plans today. I chose to roll with it, if necessary. Late yesterday, I was horribly triggered by a stupid song (of all things!! :rolleyes::( ), and in many ways my night (mentally, internally) went off the rails (though it was not noticed; and an infection went rampant I have overnight, as an aside, I realized today). But I knew it/ realized I was triggered, but despite that I couldn't go 'toward' good/ healthy things- except to eat, but even then when I still couldn't sleep at 2 a.m. ate too much, and spicy, felt like h*ll. But, still managed to wake up feeling ~ok-ish, (even woke up though slept through 1 alarm clock) - better than last night- because I knew I was triggered last night and didn't react. Wasn't able to do the healthiest things, but didn't do the unhealthiest, either, last night. And today, when I noticed my thoughts going crappy, I could auto-correct them, a bit. Well no- a lot.
And I thought today, I am ashamed, because, even if not intentional, this ~'trauma-distorted-urgency' doesn't equate to real-life, and others' needs. I expect it's ok for me to have flexibility, etc- why not everyone else? And I want that for them, in fact. Free choice, and rest, and fun. It's part of life, all of our lives. And trust, and stability, by their nature are not single-shot events, well- they can be, and even first impressions mean something, but mostly they're proven/ disproven with time, situations. The thoughts that follow, or conclusions I draw- including judging myself, are what follows and I choose. But not recognizing the former, is mentally unhealthy. Time might feel like it's frozen back then or sucked in to a vortex, but it is not. How can I practice it's "now' if I never challenge how it feels when it feels like it isn't? My brain 'knowing' it isn't the past isn't enough, it
feels like it is the past. So, it's more like, how do I do this? Because we always hear: do this, or do that, but the question is how? Well, I think part is getting attuned back to the present, rather than running away from the past.
For example, when it was a very difficult Christmas years ago,, and very scary (though it wasn't at the exact moment I thought it/ no danger), I thought to myself think of 10 things I was grateful for, right now. I think I came up with 7 or 8. For the life of me I couldn't get 10. But I then chose to think, that it was great to get the 7 (or 8). A little pitiful, and undoubtedly ungrateful, but still great. Especially under the circumstances that were (in the) present.
I'm sorry this is so long. :( If I could ever be concise regarding finding words to explain my emotions/ thoughts I think I'd die of shock!! :rolleyes::(
Thank you to everyone.
ETA, I cannot remember for the life of me the title or person (I wish I could!), but somewhere on the forum someone had a thread years ago about how they could, for eg (this wasn't it exactly) ~(now) see the potato on their plate as an opportunity for a new choice, that it didn't have to be a source of a trigger any more, because although it was, they knew why, and could now have the opportunity to chose to think differently about it, and practice that. I think that's not only more healthy, but greatly freeing, and consoling, too.
