Boyfriend in a rut again...

[Jay02]

Hi, everyone. I’ve posted quite a few times before, but just a refresher... My boyfriend is a former Marine who did two tours. He tends to isolate himself and I have learned to give him the space that he needs. I’m doing a lot better than I was before, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get stuck in my head...

For the supporters out there, how do you deal with your emotions when your significant other is in isolation? I have been focusing on myself, going to the gym, writing in my journal, but I have days where I just cry because I miss him so much and I know he has no control over what he’s feeling. It’s just... I get emotional.

And for the sufferers, when you get a message from your supporter saying that they are here for you and that they love you, what is your first reaction? I always think I’m annoying my boyfriend, but I’m sure that I’m not. I don’t text him much anyway (3x a day, all spaced out throughout the day.)

I’m basically just in my head right now and I need help to make me realize that everything will be okay. I just have to be patient.

(It’s been almost a week since he’s been feeling this way, and four days since we’ve spoken. He absolutely hates this time of year.)

 

[EveHarrington]

Sufferer here...

I’d talk to him when he’s ok again to see if texting 3x a day is ok. We are all different. For some, 3x a day may be too much.

 

[LuckiLee]

I do things with my friends and family when J is in a bad place. When it comes to the holidays? I let him decide what he's up for. And I don't push him to do things he doesn't want to do. Sometimes I'm grateful when h says he doesn't want to do something because it can be stressful for both of us if he's not in the right frame of mind for certain things. Have you had conversations about what you BOTH need during his isolation periods? You'll never know what he need if he doesn't tell you and vice versa..... And yeah. Three times a day seems like alot. Does he answer your texts? If not? I'd assume it's too much. Good luck and Merry Christmas.

 

[Jay02]

I do things with my friends and family when J is in a bad place. When it comes to the holidays? I let him decide what he's up for. And I don't push him to do things he doesn't want to do. Sometimes I'm grateful when h says he doesn't want to do something because it can be stressful for both of us if he's not in the right frame of mind for certain things. Have you had conversations about what you BOTH need during his isolation periods? You'll never know what he need if he doesn't tell you and vice versa..... And yeah. Three times a day seems like alot. Does he answer your texts? If not? I'd assume it's too much. Good luck and Merry Christmas.

We haven’t talked about what we both need during his isolation periods. I have told him before that he doesn’t have to do anything he’s not comfortable with (especially since the holidays are important to me and my family). I never want to pressure him into doing something he doesn’t want to do, and I’ve told him that many times. Our relationship... It’s been one year, and I still think we have a lot of work to do.

Thank you. I just want to be able to help him in a way that also helps me... If that makes sense.

 

[Jay02]

Sufferer here...

I’d talk to him when he’s ok again to see if texting 3x a day is ok. We are all different. For some, 3x a day may be too much.

Thank you! I’m thinking of lessening it to just a good morning and good night text.

 

[OrangeJulius]

For the supporters out there, how do you deal with your emotions when your significant other is in isolation?

I keep myself busy doing exactly the sorts of activities you mentioned. I usually have at least 1 good cry when he isolates for a week or longer because I'm a crier and I cry when I'm overwhelmed and its overwhelming running the household alone, not having your best friend around while you do it, and watching your best friend hurt. I don't really "do" anything about them. I just let them come, feel them, and move onto whatever fun stuff I planned to distract myself.

what is your first reaction?

Can't speak to this directly. But I get the vibe that with my honey it depends. Sometimes he gets frustrated. Sometimes he doesn't remember. And I'm sure a lot of other stuff in between. It just depends on where is head is in the split second he receives it.

 

[Jay02]

I keep myself busy doing exactly the sorts of activities you mentioned. I usually have at least 1 good cry when he isolates for a week or longer because I'm a crier and I cry when I'm overwhelmed and its overwhelming running the household alone, not having your best friend around while you do it, and watching your best friend hurt. I don't really "do" anything about them. I just let them come, feel them, and move onto whatever fun stuff I planned to distract myself.


Can't speak to this directly. But I get the vibe that with my honey it depends. Sometimes he gets frustrated. Sometimes he doesn't remember. And I'm sure a lot of other stuff in between. It just depends on where is head is in the split second he receives it.

I always feel like I shouldn’t be crying but I’m glad I’m not the only one! I do tend to cry at least once whenever my boyfriend isolates.