Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

If I shouldn’t be mad, then why did my mom get mad when I said that? Why get defensive? I’m not going to be nearly as offensive as anyone else who sees this place.

 

[littleoc]

It shouldn’t have been an event that made anyone angry.

 

[zombycat]

Hey you, for what it's worth. I think it's great that you're standing up for yourself. You have every right to be angry with your mother, you managed your triggers (the angry driving, etc.), and you spoke your mind in a way that was true, but not cruel.

Also, I saw something several pages back about you worrying about what to do about Slinky when you go. Slinky is the cat, right? In my opinion, if I have a choice between someone's feelings and their safety, I'll choose safety every time.

 

[littleoc]

I think it's great that you're standing up for yourself.

Hey, thanks. I’m happy for myself too.

(the angry driving, etc.)

(I was the one doing that, though, this time :/ )

(But thank you!)

Slinky is the cat, right?

Yes!

She’s really smart.

In my opinion, if I have a choice between someone's feelings and their safety, I'll choose safety every time.

I want to lean that direction. But this cat is REALLY attached to my mom. She likes me too, but she views my mom as her human. She sleeps in the same bed as her. Refused to sleep elsewhere.

It’s really hard.

 

[littleoc]

I went and apologized to my mom for being emotional. Because I’m a grown ass woman and that’s what those animals do.

Plus I don’t go to bed unless things have been talked out.

I said, “Hey, how’s it going?”

She said, “Good? What’s up?”

“Um... sorry for getting emotional earlier.” Then, “It was a bit of a soft spot.”

She answered really quietly, “It’s ‘kay,” like she didn’t quite want to say it. Then, “I don’t think I said what you said I did. I said that I hate this house. I do.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve hated it for years.”

Took me a minute to respond. “Yeah. Same.”

Then we talked about Slinky a little.

So yeah, I guess I was triggered. Or something. But my point still stands. I didn’t say it, but if you hate a house, why not make goals to fix it and then leave?

I think I’m done talking about this now, though. I’m glad I’m getting out of here at somebody point.

I wish this place was decent.

 

[littleoc]

It sucks trying to understand how others feel. It never fully feels like theyre trying to understand you back. I just feel lonely and unhelpful again.

This is probably why therapists don’t see family members, lol

 

[littleoc]

I really don’t want to leave her here. But she’s not cooperating.

 

[ILoveLife]

Does she know you're making things so you leave soon?
Is this maybe a guilt trip?

 

[littleoc]

Okay, change of subject.

Starfish have five (usually) obvious limbs (arms), but they actually have thousands of little legs called “tube feet.” The tube feet help the animal move, help it move food to its mouth, and help it breathe :)

 

[littleoc]

Does she know you're making things so you leave soon?
Is this maybe a guilt trip?

She’s not quite the guilt trip type. She won’t make me stay.

When I was moving I had to stop her from helping me because I was terrified she’d hurt herself.

After the TBI I started losing my temper over it.. she doesn’t seem to know that that wasn’t me trying to be mean. She hates being disabled so much.

But anyway. No. The only things she’s saying about me moving away is that half-joke that her kids moved away because they hate her. I think she’s scared of being alone, but she’s not going to make me. We’ve had smaller talks about it. She tried to stay with her mom only for her mom to run away. Literally, left her here in this shit place with my dad.

My mom chose this house to be able to help her disabled mom more. Some thank you she got.

I haven’t told that story yet. But my grandma accidentally died while taking out revenge with a threat of death. It really was an accident and the nurse was really legally forbidden from saving her life. It was bad. Very bad. Happened when I was five or so.

But anyway, my mom makes a point of not being like her mom. She’s not trying to hold me back. Or take revenge.

 

[littleoc]

I should mention, that nurse and her crew still lost their jobs and had severe punishments for neglect. They were forbidden from saving her life, but they didn’t do something they were supposed to that led to her death.

There’s just a lot of medical trauma in this family, we’ll leave it at that lol

 

[ILoveLife]

Sorry to push the subject, but things are not that black and white. She does guilt trip you a lot about the house, and yes I'm sure she hates being disabled, but the lack of effort on her part to make things easier for herself and relying on you to make things easier for her is her depending on you. She might be aware that she can't depend on you, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to, you know?

Like, when I say "guilt trip" I'm not immediately saying "bad person" - I'm just saying "guilt trip" as in ... she doesn't want to lose your presence and lashes out. Hence you losing your temper and you fighting about it. The silent treatment and you saying "I want to help her but she doesn't cooperate".

Very few things are black and white. It's established here that your mom is not abusive, I don't think she would take revenge, but I do know that losing you there would be a massive loss for her. I'm sure she feels it too.

Once again, though, it's not your responsibility anyway.