Dissociation Questions

[Harmonics]

1. I see so many people on here say “I’m dissociating so much right now”. How do you know? I think I dissociate on some level and don’t realize that that’s what happened until afterwards.

2. Are these things considered dissociation?

A. Memories cutting off at pertinent parts.

B. Chunks of time (months) missing from memory.

C. Zoning out while doing something, like driving/working. Not noticing that you have zoned out at all until you are snapping out of it and when snapping out feeling groggy/a little nauseous.

D. Daydreaming. Every single time your alone, or not actively interacting with someone.

E. Having days or hours where you just don’t feel all here. Like your mind is off in space and it takes a minute before you realize someone is talking to you or what they even said.

There’s probably more that I just can’t think of at the moment.

I dissociate. I have done it since I was a kid. It's how I got through abuse. With my previous therapist, who had no trauma training or even interest apparently, he seemed to think that by ignoring the dissociation, it wasn't happening. It's kind of ironic, since he was basically dissociating about my dissociating. (Sorry...I have a strange sense of humor!) Of course, I didn't know I was dissociating. When I returned to college, I took several psychology classes where I found out that was what was going on. Prior to that, I had no words for what was happening.

With my current therapist, I mentioned one day about being able to get lost in the ceiling, and he started talking about dissociation like it wasn't a taboo subject. I was shocked. He said it was common for people who went through long-term abuse as a child. Now, if I am dissociated in session, he will give me time to ground or make suggestions if I am past the point of being able to figure it out myself. He has lots of things in his office that clients can use for grounding that are arranged within easy reaching distance from where I sit. I have a favorite rock I often use. Sometimes he suggests doing things like looking out the window, working on breathing, etc. He also makes sure I am grounded before I leave.

The reality is that dissociation is on a continuum. Pretty much everybody dissociates at some point when doing a well rehearsed activity such as driving. On the other hand, missing large chunks of time, finishing a therapy session and realizing you don't remember it, etc., those things are more indicative of a possible childhood abuse history. A therapist can hep you determine where you fit on the continuum. After what I learned about trauma therapy, if you have a therapist like my first that won't acknowledge dissociation so that you can work on it, I would find a new one who is better trained!

 

[Kubash16]

I dissociate. I have done it since I was a kid. It's how I got through abuse. With my previous therapist, who had no trauma training or even interest apparently, he seemed to think that by ignoring the dissociation, it wasn't happening. It's kind of ironic, since he was basically dissociating about my dissociating. (Sorry...I have a strange sense of humor!) Of course, I didn't know I was dissociating. When I returned to college, I took several psychology classes where I found out that was what was going on. Prior to that, I had no words for what was happening.

With my current therapist, I mentioned one day about being able to get lost in the ceiling, and he started talking about dissociation like it wasn't a taboo subject. I was shocked. He said it was common for people who went through long-term abuse as a child. Now, if I am dissociated in session, he will give me time to ground or make suggestions if I am past the point of being able to figure it out myself. He has lots of things in his office that clients can use for grounding that are arranged within easy reaching distance from where I sit. I have a favorite rock I often use. Sometimes he suggests doing things like looking out the window, working on breathing, etc. He also makes sure I am grounded before I leave.

The reality is that dissociation is on a continuum. Pretty much everybody dissociates at some point when doing a well rehearsed activity such as driving. On the other hand, missing large chunks of time, finishing a therapy session and realizing you don't remember it, etc., those things are more indicative of a possible childhood abuse history. A therapist can hep you determine where you fit on the continuum. After what I learned about trauma therapy, if you have a therapist like my first that won't acknowledge dissociation so that you can work on it, I would find a new one who is better trained!

I posted this because T was talking about me dissociating during the abuse and it was earlier in sessions so he was still judging on what level I do it. I posted because I was extremely hesitant to tell him everything that was happening because still building trust and don’t trust myself to know myself (sounds weird but don’t know how else to explain it, I second guess absolutely everything and fact check everyone else through multiple sources).

He confirmed I do dissociate quite a bit in various ways and has been teaching me things for it. Apparently I did in fact score really high on the DES but he doesn’t see DID so isn’t worried about further testing.

I definitely do have a fairly large abuse and other trauma history. I just didn’t know that the things I was doing were this. In some points I assumed everyone did things to the extent I did and just didn’t talk about it.

 

[Abstract]

1. I see so many people on here say “I’m dissociating so much right now”. How do you know? I think I dissociate on some level and don’t realize that that’s what happened until afterwards.

2. Are these things considered dissociation?

A. Memories cutting off at pertinent parts.

B. Chunks of time (months) missing from memory.

C. Zoning out while doing something, like driving/working. Not noticing that you have zoned out at all until you are snapping out of it and when snapping out feeling groggy/a little nauseous.

D. Daydreaming. Every single time your alone, or not actively interacting with someone.

E. Having days or hours where you just don’t feel all here. Like your mind is off in space and it takes a minute before you realize someone is talking to you or what they even said.

There’s probably more that I just can’t think of at the moment.

Yup all classic indications. Wish I had know that for most of my life.

. I just didn’t know that the things I was doing were thi

I never for one moment questioned stuff happening for most of my life. Never thought about it. It just was.

The great thing for you is the increased awareness. Once you know you can start dealing with it and I can say this does make all the difference managing onces life. Its not without its challenges but still hugely helpful.

 

[shimmerz]

The only way I was able to get myself out of dissociation was by caring around Warheadz candies which are super sour and popping when into my mouth. I would crash back into my body I know this because I used to sucking a huge amount of air when I ate one of those things. Be careful of the teeth if you happen to do this as those candies really didn’t help my teeth and off a lot so brush her teeth often.

I am actually got to the point where I only had to carry around lemons and suck on those. And the more I ate them or sucked on them the more I would feel myself come back into my body and noticed when I was zoned out. I honestly don’t think that I would be where I am if I had not dealt with my dissociation
I am actually got to the point where I only had to carry around lemons and suck on those. And the more I ate them or sucked on them the more I would feel myself come back into my body and noticed when I was zoned out. I honestly don’t think that I would be where I am if I had not dealt with my dissociation

My therapist and I just recently had a conversation as she used to dissociate as well about how freaking hard life is without dissociating. So I understand why some would choose to not break the dissociation.

Now I’ve got myself to the point where all I have to do is pull out and essential oil and take a deep breath of it and I do that before I dissociate. It works like a charm but it wouldn’t of worked back in the day where I was doing like heavy dissociation

 

[Kubash16]

I like your ideas @shimmerz thank you.

 

[whiteraven]

I don’t seem to meet everything I see listed around the internet. And I definitely don’t realize I’m doing any of those things until afterwards so how would I be able to ground effectively in the moment?

You likely won't dissociate exactly the way others do. I've heard a LOT of descriptions of dissociation among those who do it as a coping mechanism. Learning about how and when you dissociate comes with a lot of work - once my therapist (of a long time ago) said he noticed I was doing it a lot, I was gradually able to pick out times when it happened. It's important to remember that some dissociation is normal. People dissociate as a matter of course when they're driving, often missing parts of the trip because they had something on their minds, were listening to an audio book, or were talking on the phone. Memory is a weird thing. Some allows us to do things that we do all the time automatically, without thought. The body just carries on.

The only thing that has helped me is mindfulness practice. I know there is a lot of controversy in some circles with mindfulness, but ALL it is is paying attention to what is going on RIGHT NOW. Because most of us don't do that all the time (even though you think you do), it can be unsettling. I found it completely freeing, though. It's the only time I feel able to deal with things.

One thing about mindfulness is that, if you are paying attention to what is happening right now (and really, is there more than right now?), you are also experiencing pain and anxiety, etc...But it has been demonstrated, time and time again, that if we are "with" whatever the pain is at the time, it passes more quickly than it would if we use a coping mechanism (of any sort).

My therapist is a mindfulness teacher and has written a book or two on it. I do recommend that, for people who experience trauma, they take a course or workshop on mindfulness under a qualified therapist because things might come up. And sometimes actually experiencing anxiety, for example, is really scary.

That makes sense. It just unsettles me mostly because it happening can cause an accident. He’s taught me some, but just stuff that I can do to bring me back to reality during it. It’s frustrating.

As I mentioned above, dissociation while driving can be normal. Now, if you have DID, sometimes a younger part might take control while you're in the car and that could be a problem. I have a little one, though, who sometimes comes out when I'm driving and she sits on my lap, so I am still in control. Hard to explain and understand that if it's not happened to you.

I feel like I lost time.

Yes, that's what it feels like to me. Although sometimes I just hear everything as if it were muffled and see everything through a haze and far away.

 

[grit]

I have not dissociated since I left my last therapist. I can give few tips about WHAT WORKED FOR M. It may work for you or others etc but this is my take and my story.

I do not resist dissociation and decided to welcome it and actually try even to induce it if I could by laying and trying to meditate hoping dissociation through daydream will show up.
but what happened instead was nope, it did not happen that way.

then I decided to wait for it and hope I can see it beginning. I described many times the feeling in other posts but for me more or less it feels like depression, a heavy feeling just almost stabilizing my body and my eye lids start to droop as if I am falling sleep but I am upright or working etc.

So when I see these, I started to become more aware and acknowledge I am about to dissociate. I also took one step further and try to find the feeling behind it. One feeling was fear of abandonment - being alone in the world. Another was in denial about how deep I am hurt (a trait from my mother) and another feeling was fear of being seen by anyone especially the therapist.

all sounds words at this point but when I was dissociating and trying to get to the feeling below IN MY BODY it was not fun or easy or even realistic.

During work, I took walks to went to a space where I could close my eyes to communicate with the body.

IMHO, dissociation was happening to me because my somatic feelings had no language to send to the brain to make a sense. so my body would shut off from the mind. I am now shortening that gap so I can express undigested feeling from the body to the mind shorter time without breaking down the nerves.

It has been at least since mid Nov that I have not dissociated so I am hopeful and keeping track of my mood until this too becomes natural way of living.

 

[Powder]

I agree with posts here. Dissociation is not in itself negative. It's not an addiction to quit. But not knowing what is happening inside is not a fun way to live 24-7.

I'm hoping to work on this, too. I'm pretty sure that I have DID. I can shut feeling sensation and pain off sometimes on accident through just thinking the opposite of what I feel. This power of selfhypnosis has to be trained. Although some research suggests some genetics may come into play.

I encourage you to own but not shame dissociation, same as you'd be able to own staying alert or knowing your own limits in other ways.

It's a really interesting time to explore how it works and share with others, isn't it.

I wonder how many of us lifetime dissiciators also learned to block things that distracted normal people, like boredom and inpatience. I see many of us who can intensely focus on something for long periods of time.

This is just another aspect of the human mind and body. Not good or bad, just interesting.

 

[shimmerz]

I wonder how many of us lifetime dissiciators also learned to block things that distracted normal people, like boredom and inpatience.

Yes. This is me. Which is why I was so kick assed at IT. Clients used to sit beside me while I worked and say 'I can't understand how you don't get so frustrated!' I never did. I have never felt boredom in my life, which was pretty helpful actually. I still don't get bored but honest to god, frustration is the only feeling I could feel when I was hit with PTSD. I was frustrated at me, at everyone around me, about my situation, about my life. Perhaps I can say at this point that I am BORED with being frustrated. :-)

 

[Deleted member 47600]

A good post and very thought provoking @Kubash16
I suppose most people at some time dissociate ie driving home from work etc and get home but cant remember the journey !!
I always knew something wasnt right when i would loose time or zone out or many times when i was being abused i would be outside looking in or looking from above ! In addition to flashbacks i still dissociate quite regularly and paricularly if im tired, stressed or triggered. Its an amazing coping mechanism and it protected me to an extent when i was a kid. I didnt know what it was or that it was called dissociation until i started therapy , and working with my t has helped it reduce and my management of it so much better. I dont loose time anymore.

When you say "loose time" do you mean like doing one thing (say at a lesson in college) and then the next thing you know 4 hours have passed and you're at home, eating your tea or don't something completely different? And if so, did she tell you what that was? I'm currently trying to get my head around it and just looking for someone who relates

 

[Deleted member 47600]

When you say "loose time" do you mean like doing one thing (say at a lesson in college) and then the next thing you know 4 hours have passed and you're at home, eating your tea or don't something completely different? And if so, did she tell you what that was? I'm currently trying to get my head around it and just looking for someone who relates

Sorry to post something so random and irrelevant- just a bit lost atm

 

[DharmaGirl]

When you lose time, it's probably dissociating. I don't remember most of my therapy in the first few years. I dissociated all the time. I was almost never present. It was normal for me. I never thought of it as a bad feeling, and I never had symptoms like nausea. It was just who I was. I used mindfulness to gradually pull myself into the present. I still use it, but I don't spend my day in a daydream or get annoyed when the real world inserts itself.

As someone has said, dissociation is on a spectrum, from not remembering driving somewhere to dissociative identity disorder. It is normal to dissociate part of the time. Daydreaming for a few minutes or the driving thing is something everyone does. It is just a symptom, and one that even though is was my worst, was easiest to correct. For me it is a soft backing away from reality, sort of like a fog.