Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

[PTSDGuy]

:hug: So sorry - what a horrible way to end an evening. :(
Insurance companies can be the worst - and it's bizarre that they can wait so long to tell you they're not covering any more visits, doesn't the doctor's office check that stuff when you go in? Can you ask your T about a sliding scale, or a payment plan or something?

I have no idea how insurance companies work... They did this to me in the summer, and I couldn't go to therapy for close to a month until they agreed to pay for more sessions. They paid it retroactively, but I went through hell waiting to see...

They probably would have covered sessions until the end of the year, except I fell apart and needed an extra session a couple of weeks in a row...

I wrote my therapist twice yesterday... Each flashback gets an email of its own to him either during or after. I would talk about it when I go to therapy on Thursday, but I don't think that'll be happening...

All of this is so hard to deal with... I used to think I could handle whatever life threw at me... Now it's like I'm going through puberty and everything just overwhelms me constantly.

Is it 2019 yet?

 

[TTC18]

I'm sorry you're going through this! It's hard enough to deal with everything without trouble with insurance too!!

 

[littleoc]

So, so sorry it's so stressful right now.

I hope you are getting some rest. :hug:

I'm glad that you enjoyed going to the thing, at least. That's not any less valid. :hug:

 

[PTSDGuy]

I hope you are getting some rest. :hug:

.

A bit... sort of..... Yeah, I should work on that...

I'm glad that you enjoyed going to the thing, at least. That's not any less valid. :hug:

Good point. A couple of times today I thought about what a great time I had. ?

Going to go to bed. Things might look more positive in the light of day...

 

[littleoc]

A bit... sort of..... Yeah, I should work on that...

Relatable

Have a good rest :hug:

 

[TTC18]

Good point. A couple of times today I thought about what a great time I had. ?

That is great!!!

 

[PTSDGuy]

OK.. new day....

I still have EMDR today - don't know if insurance will cover it, but I'll figure it out when they try to deny paying later...

And going to work out with my trainer... It's strange, even in the middle of life falling apart, I'm still committed to working out at least... (Especially after all the junk i ate yesterday when everything felt hopeless... First time I did that in years... and hopefully the last time!)

Thanks for the support yesterday. Even when I felt like I was crashing and burning, the comments somehow got through.... :hug:

 

[TTC18]

:hug: I'm glad you're still taking good care of yourself with the workout - and I hope the EMDR goes well!!
:hug:
Don't stress over the eating-of-junk. Life goes on!! :) :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Good luck with EMDR :) :) :hug:

 

[PTSDGuy]

Good luck with EMDR :):):hug:

EMDR was good.... and I made it to my trainer... When I finished working out, I jumped in the car drove about two blocks and there were two guys trying to help a bicyclist who had been hit by a van. They dragged his bike to the side and were bringing him to the side of the road... The guy seemed sort of OK, he was conscious, but his glasses were broken still lying in the middle of the street...

I pulled over and asked if they had called 911.... they hadn't so I called and fire engines, paramedics and god knows who else showed up in about a minute... I have no idea where the person who hit them actually was. But they weren't there helping. But at least there were lots of witnesses.

Once I saw that he had help, I went to leave and the guys who had helped him out of the road ran over and shook my hand and said thank you... They were the people who helped him.... I did what people are supposed to do... People are supposed to help each other... They did more than me.... I just talked with 911... I almost made it home without falling apart...

I keep seeing the poor guy getting carried/dragged out of the street... and replaying my call to 911 in my head.... I just keep thinking "people are supposed to help each other"... over and over and then sobbing... I can't even help someone without falling to pieces...

Now I don't just get flashbacks from my abuse, I get them from now too? This is just so f*cking horrible... I want my old life back...

 

[PTSDGuy]

I was desperate when I wrote the stuff earlier... I even tried going to the Chat because it said there were 2 people there. I guess your name stays when you leave? Anyway, there was no one...

I emailed my therapist and told him I don't care if I have to pay for once, I really need to go see him tomorrow. ?

 

[littleoc]

I’m glad you know when you need to be seen, at least.

“Small” things sometimes trigger massive stress, and sometimes the brain even links them to previous, un-processed traumas (even ones that couldn’t possibly have caused PTSD by themselves). I had a similar event happen to me a few years back — a woman on a bike, and she was not conscious. That moment definitely sticks with me, despite it not being the cause of my PTSD.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will have yourself back in a normal life — you will get better. :hug: